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| Tortoise and the hare (A marriage of contention!!) |
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She's definitely the hare, and no doubt I’m the tortoise.
She is a textbook “type A” personality, always on the go, get it done now. She HATES TO WAIT!!! I’m a textbook “type B”. Easygoing is my middle name. Let’s just enjoy where we’re at. I HATE TO BE RUSHED!!!
She gets 10x as many tasks done around the house as me, but the ones I do are 10x as good as anything she does, ‘cuz I take my time!
She is often accused of doing without thinking, while I am often accused of thinking without doing. I had a deck building project this summer that never got out of the planning phase!
She is all about the destination, while I am more interested in the journey. She always insists on taking the interstate, while I petition for the scenic routes. She prefers the drive-thru, I’d rather eat in.
We are always late getting places, and seem to enjoy blaming each other. I blame her for leaving at the last minute—she factors her own driving time…hyper-speed. She blames me for driving slow…well actually, the speed limit!
This 4th of July, I wanted to arrive at least an hour early for fireworks, so we could relax before the show. Instead, we went with her plan. We left 20 minutes before the fireworks were to begin (they were 19 minutes away), and ended up parking on the shoulder of the freeway to watch them—so we could get a jump on the post-show traffic! When the police chased us away, we simply parked further up the freeway! (The police came again and we repeated this.) Her plan was dangerous, and it was against the law, but it was expedient!!!
Her primary “love language” is acts of service (surprise, surprise), whereas mine is quality time. I say chores and home projects are NOT my idea of quality time!! She quips, quality time is SO unproductive!
Ours is definitely a marriage of contention. To contend = to struggle in opposition. Sometimes I feel that if our marriage can last, anyone’s can! But there is a good side to contention. Author Gary Thomas in The Sacred Marriage suggests God designed marriage to make us holy, to set us apart and make us more like Christ, more than to make us happy. Contention, like trials, causes us to grow, forces us to learn mutual submission.
Furthermore, if we were both the same, I can’t imagine us getting anything done! We definitely have different skills and strengths, each other’s perfect complement. God surely knew what he was doing when he put us together. I just wish we could both see it that way all the time!!
If you have a tortoise/hare type marriage as well (and if God had anything to do with it, I’m willing to bet you do!), I hope you’re at the place where you see the benefits of contention in your marriage. Trust me, God’s hand is in it, for your own good!
We hope you have (had) a safe, enjoyable, and (if married) a harmonious Labor Day!
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| To add a comment to "Tortoise and the hare (A marriage of contention!!)" |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| I never would have guessed that my friend! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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God is Awesome; huh, Mike? God bless you.
I liked your life story. With God all things are possible... :)
God bless your marriage, you have the right attitude, and with Jesus in it; how can it go wrong?
and same to you! Happy Labor Day. |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Love it...........and know where you're coming from, LOL |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Thanks Marilyn...I try to have the right attitude, but w/so much contention I slip, often! (And so does she.) But w/Jesus we have a fighting chance! (I'm optimistic, as long as we HOLD ONTO JESUS!!)
Cinderelly...glad to have the empathy! lol |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Mike: Enjoy the differences and minimize the contention..compromise where you can, and do what you can to help her. If she will do the same then it's all good! Isn't marriage wonderful? Never a dull moment, but love covers a multitude of sins! Love bears all things..endures all things! LOL |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Tim, I'd be a C if there was such a thing!
Todd, loving others doesn't come naturally. God put us in this thing to teach us how!
Dan, I love her to death! (in fact, she might just be the death of me! lol) |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Mike.... As i sit here in front of my computer on Labor Day while I'm waiting not too patiently for Rodger to "get the lead out" I am blessed to be reading your blog. Haha how wonderful!!! Another marriage like mine and Rodg's!!! We arn't alone after all lol.
Grace and peace to you my friend and your lovely wife!! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Sometimes having differences can make the marriage extra special and I know that your girl loves you with your heart. I am happy that you found your special someone and know that with Jesus in your life things will work out like they always do. |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Oh man, I sound like your wife and you sound like my husband! I could relate to this whole blog! (And we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary this month). We must be doing something right! Of course, it hasn't been easy, but then nothing worthwhile ever is! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Enjoyed your blog Mike...though not married yet, I do look forward to the differences in me and my future husband (smile)....because two of me in the same house would be tooooooo boring...LOL...LOL...a little contention is GOOD ;o) |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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When I go to Walmart, I park near the cart corral so that when I'm finished unloading, (and SO ready to get out of that place!), I can slam dunk the cart and leave in the shortest time possible. I also park on the row directly in front of the door. Tony parks way in the back, away from "door dingers". Mind you, our car is a well-used (and already scratched) 97 Buick... I drink hot tea in the morning and heat up my water in the microwave. It has a turntable, so I took a few minutes, years ago when we got it, to figure out how many seconds I needed to heat my water so that it was adequately hot and so the mug handle would be back in its original position when it stopped. I also found the amount of seconds to achieve this where the numbers are sequential, (78), and therefore right next to each other, saving me more movement. Tony thinks this is a riot! Yeah, so I sound like the fussy one, but I can eyeball a spot on the wall, give a nail a thwack with the hammer, and get a picture centered while Tony is still looking for the tape measure and level. Some things I'm fussy about; some things, he is. We're a good team, most days. With all our differences, including our different languages, we will be celebrating 27 years this fall. And, yes, it's a celebration! Now, if I would have continued working with him - via the painting biz - it may not have been much of a celebration. There's a reason I work up at the hospital now... :-) A good marriage is made up of love, honesty, humility and compromise. Sounds like you guys have that figured out, Mike. Blessings to you and your lovely bride! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Thank you for sharing! Interesting insights. I've never been married. I've had roommates in the the past who were different from me. By nature, I guess I'm more of a tortoise, but life has necessitated that I adapt as much as possible; I don't think much in our world allows quality over quantity. I've realized -- in my personal life -- if I focus too much on quality, I don't finish things. I think, to paraphrase what the other Jen says above, "some things I'm fussy about, some things I'm not." |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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I jest take a rope and swing it around. That get him going!
You don't mess with a woman who has done put in 25 years of hard time. Ya know! LoL....
I do love to laugh |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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lol, Joey, what's with the rope? That sounds dangerous.
Jen2 - yeah, it's like being roommates w/your opposite...only for the rest of your life! (sounds scary, and if you aren't committed to marriage, it better be!!)
Jen1, I've always thought of you as being very similar to my other half. The microwave turntable story is amazing! Laura would never be so precise. So you have combined the best of both worlds!
Cathy, they do, lol! And apparently God has a reason for arranging things like that. |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Margie, thanks! And yes, my conclusion too!
Deb, 25 yrs? You give us all hope...inspiration. Thanks for posting!! And yeah, I may have some follow-up questions for you, given your identification w/my opposite.
Megan, what a sweet thing to say...thanks ~
Robin, I knew it. WE are not alone!!!!!! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Thanks for that blog Mike, You 2 sound like Paul and I in alot of ways. The ending of your blog brought tears to my eyes. I was giving Paul a hard time just lastnight because the kids were really hyper and acting up and I was trying to get all 3 into bed, you know, ages 6yrs,4yrs and 2yrs. and Paul was sitting on the sofa playing his playstation football game, and I just started giving him a hard time because he was just sitting there, and he was like why are you mad at me. Then I wake up this morning feeling bad, knowing I couldn't have it any better. He is so awesome and would do anything for me. You sometimes might not like certain things about the other person, but, even if they were, so called perfect in your eyes, we would always have something to complain about. I was just thinking today that I need to really start realizing what I have because I could have a lot worse. We have been married for 10 yrs. I thank God he gave him to me. so are we coming over your house this Sat.? |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Mike,
This is the first blog where I read almost all the comments: I really enjoyed your sharing on this level Mike. I too wonder, esp. when the "heat is on" if most marriages have this dynamic? I know Dr. Kevin Lehman (his wife calls him Leemee) says they do. He too does a wonderful job teacing/mentoring in the area of marriage and parenting.
Yes, Matt and I are fire and water! We really have to work really hard at seeing where the other is coming from and allow each of our differing views to have their turns taking center stage. We did really good today ~ In fact I even made a point to praise Matt for doing so well managing his hot spots!
You are right ~ God's in the match-up AND it is for mutual perfecting, growing up, & dying to self...Oh, and also for His entertainment (just kidding).
No, but really "two become one!" ~ Two opposites sharing/becoming one flesh....If that isn't a sense of humor I don't know what is!
p.s. Remember, no marriage in heaven ~ except to Jesus. That says a lot! (I wonder if we often try to extract that kind of love from each other today? I find that when I forget and get feeling sorry for myself, I eventually come to my senses & I realize that I have expected too much.)
GBTB! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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| Marvelous. That sounds like my marriage. |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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That was a fun read!!!!!!
God is good in EVERYTHING! hehe
Jen!!! OMGosh!!!!! the microwave thing is SOOOOOO FUNNY!!
Love you Lady! |
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| September 01, 2008 |
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Sounds like beautiful music to my ears brother, that is the thing that made you notice this stunning lady! God confirmed it and well, here you are writing blogs together!! LOL!! Blessings brother!
31:10 A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. 31:11 The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. 31:12 She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life. 31:13 She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. 31:14 She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their task to her maidens. 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms. 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: Her lamp goeth not out by night. 31:19 She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle. 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household; For all her household are clothed with scarlet. 31:22 She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land. 31:24 She maketh linen garments and selleth them, And delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing; And she laugheth at the time to come. 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And the law of kindness is on her tongue. 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness. 31:28 Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband `also', and he praiseth her, `saying': 31:29 Many daughters have done worthily, But thou excellest them all. 31:30 Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; `But' a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised. 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates.
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| September 01, 2008 |
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I'm excited to see so many who identify with this! (I had a feeling quite a few would....you know, I'm sure Satan tries to tell each of us that our marriage is the worst, can't make it, might as well give up... Wrong! This is the struggle we all face!! This is marriage!!!
Thanks for persevering, God is glorified!!
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Mike! I love this post! I was giggling while reading it. Then I remembered something once a while back my husband and i took a spiritual gift test and found that my strengths were his weaker areas and visa versa. We found this amazing and talked to a few other married couples and theirs was the same. How awesome is God that your helpmate is your perfect compliment.
On a personal note I feel contention makes the marriage interesting (of course everything in moderation) hehehe |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Ok, time for a Mike n Laura test question (should be easy if you've read the blog, haha) -- Which of us is more likely to procrastinate? (I'll tell you the answer when I get around to it, lol!) |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Mike & Laura,
As I was reading I was sure you were describing my marriage!!!! I am just like Laura. I awake in the morning, feet hit the floor and I am off!!!! My husband is very laid back and takes his time. My hubby is always running late!!!! I have learned to tell him we need to leave about 15 minutes before we actually do, that way we are on schedule. Saves me from frustration and ya'know the rest!!!!
Thanks for sharing!
Robin |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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ok, with Ken and I it's weird...well, we are a weird couple.
He would get up two hours before he has to go to work (30 min. drive) drink a pot of coffee, read his bible and then read a book.....I would get up 30 min. before leaving, two cups of coffee while getting dressed and make up and head out the door...always arriving on time.
He's bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morn....don't talk to me the first hour I'm up, my brain is not functioning yet. I'm a night person, he's not.
He's a perfectionist...built flower beds with landscape timbers and leveled them all! Measures to hang pics.....I'm a eye ball and nail it up.
We both cannot stand to be late. |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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hehe, I have more in common w/Ken, Cindy. Perfectionist, leveling things, measuring, yep that's me! Laura, well she sure is good, but oh my gosh forget about perfection. Sometimes forget about "good" .(ok that's a very subjective term!!) She says "just get it done", and I mean regardless of how it looks! (though really, usually it looks really good, especially if you stand back.....WAY back! lol) Robin, it's funny. I often "seem" to be running late too, but end up getting places on time if left to my own schedule. Laura -- the hustler and fast driver, is still frequently late. I think it's b/c she is addicted to activity and accomplishment. She's always got so much to do! (It amazes me how much she does....but hey, every approach has a downside, even mine!) |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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No takers on the last M & L test question??? Ok, here's another. Which of us is more likely to LOSE things around the house? Better yet, which of us is more likely to lose SOMEONE ELSE'S things???? (The correct answer is worth 100 pts) |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Q 1: Mike of course
Q 2: Laura because of the multitude of tasks she is involved in... I can relate! |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Hey Mike-n-Laura,
You guys should check out this site. It is a Mark Gungor: Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage thing. Matt and I both did one and loved it. At the end of mine, you will find the page where you can buy your own... I think 12 bucks or so: Well worth it. Lots of fun!
http://www.flagpage.com/index.php?flag=DBGM-RN34-WG7R-ENF |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Mike, you are asking questions, but you didn't answer my question, did you not read my comment, LOL Toni <>< |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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| You were right! Gosh our marriages are so alike! Wow, we could all sit down and listen to each other just to hear the other side. ;) Love it!! |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Hi Debora! It is powerful and encouraging when we discover we aren't alone!! Toni, sorry! Didn't have time to answer all the posts individually. Bad mike!! But I have sent you a pvt msg. Blessings sister! Tonya, I will check out the link -- thanks! $12 is a small price to pay for marital bliss! :-) Oh, and your answers were.........RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (more questions to come?) |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Thanks Mike ~ That's 12 ea...and I wouldn't say bliss, but enlightenment for both, for sure; it really is fun to discover our "primary & secondary country" as well as each other's gifts and talents through this very positive media.
I was sure I wasn't the FUN one, to my delight I found out that I AM! The problem is he doesn't laugh with me... He doesn't like to encourage me, I'm thinking. Matt thought he was, but totally isn't! lol....no, LOL! (THAT was also fun for me...) |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Mike- I feel ya! I'm a quality time person as well and she's acts of service. Most of our fights are about those issues. And money of course.
Great blog, and great insight as usual! |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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| I READ THIS TOO LATE!!!! I love my husband but this has been ONE long weekend! |
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| September 02, 2008 |
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Mike, about that rope? Honey, I am from Texas. I was teasin you. I don't have any rope! Do think Greg would me swing it around anyway?
I have put in 25 year of hard time though and it has been fun! |
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| September 03, 2008 |
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Mike,
Amazing, and beautifully written. Even with the two extremes you describe, for those of us on the outside looking in at your marriage... you radiate love for eachother. The most rewarding blessing here for you both is that regardless of your differences, you unite in your love for Christ, there-in.... all other things will inevidablly fall into place in spite of all the ways your different.
I have this same kind of marriage, only our views cannot be measured the same, as I know the Lord, and my husband still does not. Unevenly Yoked, causes more differences that you'll ever know! ..Still, as you said "Trust me, God’s hand is in it, for your own good!"
I do believe that to be true.... I sometimes think its a cruel joke that the Lord doesnt just swoop down, and hurry his "saving" along.... but all in His time.
Thank you Mike, once again, I needed to read this today. God bless- Tam |
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| September 03, 2008 |
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| Tammy, thank you sister! Your comment has made my day! I do pray that your inner (Spirit-filled) beauty will captivate your husband, so that one day soon you will no longer be unequally yoked. |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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I've seen your photos. You are right. Laura looks more like the hair and you like the tortoise. IMHO. lol
.....peace..... |
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| September 10, 2008 |
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| Great blog brother |
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| April 05, 2009 |
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| Wow, I read this suggested blog after I sent you a message describing my tortoise ways in trips and driving habits. I always leave early because I hate to be late. I am a casual journey woman and Jim is more about getting there fast. To his credit, when we would go fishing in the bass club, he is about the fun rather than competition with the club. We have stopped at a pier and gone in for breakfast and go back out. Our fellow members that that was a waste of time. Jim told them he was having a good day with his wife, their loss. lol
I am not a perfectionist though, accept for some things. Isolated and few things. For instance, even if someone else were to do my landscaping, I am not into a manicured look. I like it a bit unruly. I have a dead tree in my hard and wanted to make it a bottle tree putting colored bottles all over it. Jim nixed it and is cutting it down. I suggested fifty birdhouses then, again nixed. He likes a yard to look like everyone elses. I want pizzazz and fun and a smile when I pull in the driveway, but I will have to smile that he is happy.
I have to thaw meat in the microwave because I never plan dinner. I decide when I come home what I am in the mood for. I could never pull out clothes the night before. I mood dress.
And my LATE husband roared at me once because in the middle of cleaning, I noticed overdue library books and stopped to return them and pick out new ones. He had methods for everything and was a foreman so it unnerved him that he couldn't make me perform to his standards.
Jim is more relaxed and he is enjoying some of my relaxed ideas. His former wife gave him grief over things I had not noticed.
Projects, he is a perfectionist. He got upset once when he asked me to stuff envelopes and stamp them because I had the flag stamp upside down. He peeled it off and restuck it. I told him in all my life (not a collector obviously) I had only noticed a couple of garish looking stamps but never paid any attention to ordinary stamps or their position nor was I dishonoring my country. We laughed but I had to pay attention to positioning them thereafter.
He is worth it. |
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| April 05, 2009 |
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| lol, there is much to lol in your differences Juanita, just like lol-ing at the differences that make my marriage w/Laura interesting. |
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