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| Imperfect spouses (19 years of GRACE!) |
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Today I saw a couple sitting two rows in front of us in church, with an empty seat between them. I don’t know them very well, but I do know that they haven’t been married long, not even a year yet. Have they somehow lost sight of the beautiful grace of the One they came here today to worship? Has grace also somehow left their marriage, so soon?
God is the very definition of faithfulness and grace! The Perfect Spouse! He bound himself to his people in “holy matrimony” thousands of years ago (Gen. 17:7), and he even renewed his vows to us numerous times, culminating in the New Covenant through Jesus (Gal. 3:6-9). Do we in the modern church recognize this noble relationship, see the amazing example set by this Perfect Spouse? If his example alone isn’t powerful enough to change us, his Spirit certainly is! He’s all I need to be more than just another imperfect spouse.
I have often marveled over the last eighteen years at how Laura and I could still be together as husband and wife. We are opposites in so many ways! We are lousy at meeting each other’s needs! Frustration and despair come and go!! Yet there’s always enough grace.
The grace I need from God is the same grace I need from Laura. And it’s the same grace she needs from me! Dare we withhold it from each other, considering how we depend on it from God?? Grace means treating a spouse with tenderness, respect, and devotion with determination, especially when such treatment is utterly undeserved.
Neither of us are the perfect spouse, and never will be! But we KNOW the One who is. And the good news is, the longer we genuinely strive to live in Christ, the more like the Perfect Spouse we’ll become!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
PS… This blog sat as a draft for months. The reasons for dusting it off and posting it? One, Laura and I will be celebrating our nineteenth year of marriage in a few days, miraculously. And two, the couple I observed above have now ended their marriage—which has served as a sober warning to me, and should to you too. Satan is no weak enemy, and one of his primary goals is to destroy your marriage. Indeed, he’ll stop at nothing!
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| To add a comment to "Imperfect spouses (19 years of GRACE!) " |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Mike; i love this! Our oldest son and his wife have based their marriage from the time of engagement on Grace.......I think that's awesome! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Congrats on your anniversary to that Purple Heart deserving woman of God!! LOL!!
Blessings you two! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Great one And Blessings upon you and Luara!
Bro. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Thanks guys -- appreciation and love to you! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| I love all the posts on marriage on here! Thanks Mike for this one....Satan knows marriage is suppose to be a reflection of God's love for His bride, and if he can destroy them he can destroy familiys and nations. Congrats to the both of you for reflecting God's Grace for 19 yrs and standing against satans evil attacks! You both will be rewarded abundantly for your faithfulness! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Congratulations to y'all !
You described my wife and I Mike, you sure you don't live next door or sumptin ? |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! Thanks you for posting a most needed and wonderfully inspired blog! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Thanks friends, I treasure your words of congrats! (Cheryl, welcome back -- haven't seen you around much!) |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Mike another awesome post as always. So sad about the couple, I look at the space between them as a reminder to those of us who are married and the Grace that abounds in our marriages that we need to stand in that GAP and PRAY for marriages. Thank you again Mike and God Bless you and Laura with another 19 years of marriage! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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My sister and brother I know what you are talking about ....I have seen couples that got together years after me and my husband but they now can't even look at one another yet alone be in the same room together....Where is God in all of this.....I have a question are people seeking God anymore when they are looking for a mate.......God is faithful if you just allow Him to move and work in your life and that is where so many people are falling short....I thank God for the two of you and I know God will continue to bless your marriage as you continue to walk with Him...Congratulations my sister and brother peace and many blessings to you....... |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Happy Anniversery!
Very nice blog. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Congratulations! and Yes we need to constantly be on guard for it does not take much for something to come between us. Thank God for grace! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Mike another awesome post as always. So sad about the couple, I look at the space between them as a reminder to those of us who are married and the Grace that abounds in our marriages that we need to stand in that GAP and PRAY for marriages. Thank you again Mike and God Bless you and Laura with another 19 years of marriage! My grandparent's almost made 50 years if my grandma sweet didn't pass away. May my grandma rest in peace. With my parent's well let's just say it was better in the end and I hope that you will both make 50 years. Blessings to you from me, Megan |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Jim and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversery on Sept 9th. You have read my blogs, look what this poor fella has to put up with! I just adore him and am so thankful God had me in mind when He created Jim! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Sep. 9??? That's OUR anniversary too! Congrats Patti! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Thanks Megan, Todd, Liz, Sis Divine, beautyfromashes... love to you! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Thanks, Mike. Marc and I are celebrating our 7th anniversary on Sept 14th. Marriage is something we are determined to make last a lifetime. We know that neither of us are the perfect spouse, and we have our times of not liking each other too well. But we understand that marriage is a cycle. Being our 7th year, we're getting ready to hit a new cycle (you know cycles turn in 7 years). I'm looking forward to the years ahead, and keep memories of the good times from the past. Happy Anniversary... and to you also, Jim and Patti. May we all display the grace to each other that God has so abundantly displayed to us. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Mike,
Great, great blog. It's so sad to think that during the time your words were sitting in draft mode, that couple was drifting apart, day by day. God MUST be in the midst of our marriages; I have learned this the hard way after divorcing 5 1/2 years ago following 18 years of marriage. Michael and I, both having had marriages where we put ourselves and/or our spouse above God, are committed to always putting God first, each other second. We are not perfect either, but He is the perfect spouse, and we strive each day to be more like Him! Thanks for the awesome word!
Carol |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Mike, this touched my heart...since my husband I will celebrate our 25th on Sept. 17th. I watched a couple in our church end their marriage, and saw the selfishness of both parties when things went sour, and it just made me so sad. (I wrote a blog or two about it if you remember). Marriage is tenuous, because we live with the person and we are around them all the time and it is only natural that we are going to do something to hurt them, or we will be hurt by them. We HAVE to have grace...and remember the kind of Grace that Jesus gives. Otherwise we won't make it. And commitment can't be until something goes wrong. There is always going to be something going wrong, because that is the way that satan works. Commitment has to be sticking with it during the good AND the bad. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Congratulations and happy anniversary. Thanks so much for the awesome blog... you have given this single gal so much to think about as she she is dating and evaluating if someone is right for her... and am I ready to give that grace to someone else? now you made me go and think! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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GRACE
God's
Reactions
About
Constant
Errors
I am so thankful for GRACE both the grace God show's me and the GRACE my fellow brother's and sister's give me. I need it.....sometimes constantly as I can tend to ERROR a lot.
Good Blog brother!!! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Oh, I forgot.....I am especially thankful for the GRACE my wonderful bride of 15yrs (this past July 24th) gives me too. But none of it out weighs GOD's GRACE!!!!! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Congratulation Mike and Laura..... Awesome feat you have pulled off considering how many marriages go by the wayside.... My husband and I have known each other for 30 years and been married for 12. It is ONLY through God's grace that we have stayed together this long. I hear exactly what you are saying about imperfect spouses, yet we took those vows and mean to stand on them. It is soooooooooo hard sometimes, yet if my Father can extend his grace to this IMPERFECT PERSON then I in turn can do the same for my spouse. Marriage is not a vacation or party time, it is WORK, WORK, WORK. God's grace extended to his children is also WORK, WORK, WORK (lol)...
Love ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Mary, I love your humility! Yes marriage is hard!! Only grace keeps a marriage going, and who better to understand this than God's people, who have embraced the gospel of grace!!
Maureen, please choose carefully! :-)
Deb, I remember that blog. It put you through the ringer emotionally as I recall. Grace in marriage is not optional!
Congrats to you too MT!!!! Thanks Carol, and great point - we must put God first, even above our spouses. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Mike thanks for posting this...my parents are "drifting apart" and have been married over 30 yrs, but they stopped keeping their eyes on the Father above they both say they love and want to serve. My mother is more active in church then my dad. But having said that they are living in different states as of this date. My mother originally left to help her aging dad with my father's blessing, but that is no longer the issue. It is a sad to see that selfishness and hurtful words on both sides have brought this about. I pray constantly and ask others to pray but at this point the answer God has given is wait and see. God is good all the time and he can restore this relationship I know and believe, I just hope my parents see God before they make a choice they will both regret. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Thanks Mike. Eric and I are going through a rough spot right now. It does get hard! We just celebrated 10 years yesterday. People my age think marriage is so simple. We got married when I was 20, he 22. And we had to grow up together. Through it all it has been the grace of Jesus and the gift of forgiveness that has brought us to this point.
Congrats and God bless,
Starr |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| that was a great one and awesome blog so keep up the good work mike and laura |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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rebekah you are sweet to say that...thank you sister!
Thanks Starr! Admit it, you are so blessed by God thru your man that you could never say one mean word to him! lol ...well, correct me if I'm wrong ;-)
You know Christeena, the chickens really have added a new dimension to our relationship. I think it's the way our rooster just helps himself to those hens whenever he pleases! LOL
Lara... I really don't think it's the chickens, lol ...THANK YOU for the congrats. Lara, if I know you even half as well as I think, you'll be with your Mike for many years to come. YOU are a woman of grace. God bless your marriage sister!
Kim, oh dear! We have 2...no wait, 3 friends whose parents have divorced recently....after like 30+ years of marriage!!! This grieves me! (It REALLY grieves their adult kids!) I just don't know how it's possible! Statistically most divorces occur early in the marriage, VERY few marriages that last longer than 10 years end in divorce. I'll add a prayer for your folks. Who knows, maybe the Lord will use you to bring them back together? |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Mike,
Nothin' like those farm fresh eggs! I can't stand those cardboard ones in the store... but we eat 'em if we gotta.
You got this blog 100% right! Our marriage is healed by Grace.
May God bless You & Laura...and the Kids as you celebrate this anniversary!
~T. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Thank you for true words, tender words and sober words. Only through his grace can we overcome our selfish tendencies. My husband of 45 years and I are opposites; for instance, I love words and he says as few as possible! I'm so glad God is not stingy with his grace! Happy Anniversary! And may you enjoy many more! |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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| Happy Anniversary! I was just a part of my sisters wedding and as the maid of honor, I got to give the new couple a toast. I based part of it on something I had heard once about Marriage math. Marriage is the only time that math does not work. It is the only time that 1 + 1 does not = 2. I heard that on a radio broadcast and they were more addressing the subject of divorce, but I started thinking about what that meant for me in my marriage. If my husband and I are one, then I should always be just as concerned for his feelings as I am for my own. If we are one, when I am mad at him, I'm mad at myself! And, when I love him, I am also loving myself. If I am unkind to him, I am being unkind to myself! Our human nature wants to look out for ourselve and if you keep in mind that spiritually, there is no myself, it puts it in a new perspective. I cannot only look out for myself if I change my mindset, that I am truly one with my husband. I thought about the times when I am wrong and want to be forgiven, and if we are one I should also be quicker to forgive. God gives us the grace to do these things and blesses our marriage when we honor Him! Self focus is never blessed by God, especially in our relationship with Him, with our spouses, and with all others. |
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| September 05, 2008 |
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Thanks so much Tonya, and Janell. Your posts are precious! As is his grace!
Wow Mindi, that is some seriously good insight...THANKS for posting it here!! You know, you should transplant your comment into a blog of its own...and let me know when you do, I wanna be the first to star it!! (Thanks for the Anniversary wishes, dear sister) |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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The Imperfect Spouse
I remember when I had a perfect spouse
There was no doubt who was king of the house
She submitted to my will like she was supposed to
I got the respect and honor that I felt was due
But my wife did not stay perfect for very long
Why she even began to tell me when I was wrong
Her world began to involve more than just me
I kinda missed things how they used to be
And when the children came I lost more control
I was now part of her life now not the whole
What happened to the love I once had
Thinking about it usually made me sad
One day in prayer I asked GOD, Do you care
Why did You give me someone I have to share
She isn't afraid to speak back to me
Often with my opinion she'll disagree
Why doesn't she understand her role
If she did our marriage would be whole
My child, I have given you the perfect spouse
But who she is married to sometimes is a louse
As I began over the years to look back
I could see how she supplied my lack
Not really understanding what love was about
Her quiet meekness spoke louder than a shout
When she needed to be she was the strong one
At those time when I was exhausted and done
She taught me to love beyond myself into another
I am a better father because she is a wonderful mother
GOD graciously gave me the perfect spouse
I am the only imperfect one to live in this house
.....peace.....
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| Gordon, when I saw that you had offered a poem, I became excited! And it didn't disappoint ~ your perspective is sweet and full of grace and humility. I originally had a line in the blog about me being "the imperfect spouse", but being the perfectionist that I am (can't you see the irony!), took it out in favor of a more objective truth. I'm honored by the time you gave me today. |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| Congratulations you two. It's great to learn from those who have been married for a long time. It's sad to see that in time that your marriage is an anomaly. I hope and pray that God is preparing me and my future wife for a long, lasting marriage. Have fun and stay blessed. |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Okay, I've looked up the word anomaly. The only anomaly about marriage is that it can be perfect. Perfect as in never arguing, never disagreeing, never having misunderstanding. Fortunately, GOD's picture of perfect and ours is different.
David, who scriptures refer to as having a perfect heart before the Lord did not have a perfect life before man.
Part of perfection in marriage is a willingness to own our mistakes and wrongs, confess them to our spouse, and not allow them to separate us from the one we love. Part of perfection in marriage is a willingness to forgive rather than hold onto the wrong we felt done to us. Part of perfection in marriage is denying myself (no longer all about me), taking up the cross (laying down my rights, needs, wants for the one I love) and following Jesus (giving myself for the one I love). Part of perfection in marriage is not worrying about the destination but enjoying the journey. Part of perfection in marriage is being equally yoked and learning how to work and live and love one another. I am still learning.
Jason, do not be sad for us "old timers". I am more in love with my wife today than I was when I asked her to marry me. As much as I was in love with my wife when we first married that love has grown over the years. As at the moment of conception, two have become one and something beautiful was "conceived". I didn't make it happen, GOD did.
Oh, there are moments along the way. Disappointments. Hurts. Circumstances beyond control. But in the darkest of times I have the comfort and strength of a flesh and blood help meet. For that I will be eternally grateful. And she is so beautiful.
Okay, Mike, you can have your blog back. :)
Oh, thanks for your kind words. Thanks for the seed that made the poem possible. One soweth, another reapeth, but GOD giveth the increase.
.....peace..... |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Oh, I OWN em baby! I can't give em away!! (LOL)
I've learned much over 19 years. 19!! My goodness, when you're talking about marriage, that's a LONG TIME!!! And yes, I too love my wife more today than I did when we started this grand adventure. Love your input Gordon, thanks! And I think Jason was sorry that our stories are so uncommon. (I agree Jason, 'tis sad!) |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Any special plans for the anniversary, Mike? Hmmm, I'm thinking maybe you might be onto something with those feathered friends of yours. I'm getting a vision of a possible book series, "Chickens for the Christian Soul", "Chickens for the Husbands Soul"...the possibilities are endless! |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Thanks Jen!
Hey, how about "Quit Whining and Start Living Like a Christian, YOU CHICKEN!!!" LOL! |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| LOL!!! (oops, was that out loud!! LOL) |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| No plans yet, Jen. Prob. dinner out. A movie maybe??? (We've only gone to the movies alone together ONCE before since kids!) |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| lolololol (Cher) |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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We're well into our 25th year. WE ARE NOT PERFECT SPOUSES.
What fun would that be? |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Oh and sorry mike and laura Happy Anniversery ...really really late. Thank you for your prayers too. |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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| you are right Mike..Eric is the love of my life.. but I do think mean thoughts sometmes! |
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| September 06, 2008 |
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Happy Anniversary to you! I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing this.
-Brenda |
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| September 08, 2008 |
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Happy Anniversary Mike and Laura! Marriage is a pure act of faith and it certainly is not guaranteed by any ritual is it?! Thank God for his unmerited favor! Jim and I celebrated our 31st this past May and I've gotta say, it's been quite the ride!!!!! LOL
Just a reminder, with G (Goals)
O (Optimistic attitude)
D (Dedication) .....................all things are possible!
Have a wonderful day tomorrow and many, many more to come! <><
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| September 08, 2008 |
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| Sorry my little message got a little off kilter there, but you get the gist, right! |
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| September 08, 2008 |
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Great post Mike, Paul and I have been married for 10 yrs. If we didn't have Jesus with us we would have been divorsed 7 yrs ago. In a marriage, a husband and a wife have to learn how to agree on disagreeing. Nobody's perfect, but if you have a strong relationship with God and read the bible, and just focus on what it is the God wants you to do, he will take care of the rest. Toni <>< |
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| September 09, 2008 |
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| Thanks Brenda (Abbygirl)!! Congrats on 31 Linda, today that's something to be especially proud of!! Thank you Toni. Jesus certainly is the enabler of long marriages!! |
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| September 09, 2008 |
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| Congrats on your 19th anniversary you got what it takes...many blessings...in May Larry and i will be married 35yrs... |
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| September 09, 2008 |
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THANK YOU ROSIE!!!
THANK YOU MARCELLA!! You guys are dears!!!!! |
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| September 14, 2008 |
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| YES YES this is Golden....we do need grace and we understand that but thanks for the reminder of how WILLING we need to be to Give Grace....Happy Anniversary....May God be glorified in Your marriage as a ministry to the WORLD.... |
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| September 15, 2008 |
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| Thanks Alicia!! |
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