| my testimony |
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Growing up my grandparents took us to church. My parents werent really involves except on the "important" holidays like Christmas and Easter. Around 10 my grandmother told me it was time for me to be baptized, so I was. I honestly had no idea what was going on, why I was being dunked or what. I just knew my brother and sister was doing it and I always did what I was told so I did it.
I hit my teen years and pretty much stopped going to church, mostly because we had moved and my parents didnt make us go. It just never "stuck". I was a rebellious child, more than most you could say. I got into all kinds of trouble, nothing really serious but I found a way to make my parents worry about me.
My step father was very strict man. He was a bit on the abusive side. Dont get me wrong I deserved most of the whippings I got, but not to the degree I got them. I deserved a spanking but not with a crutch, or a fishing pole. One time a coworking of his had made inappropriate comments to me when I was 16 and I told my dad and he put a gun to my head and accused me of lying. It was not a pleasant situation to say the least.
At 18 I left home and married a man 10 years older than myself that I had known for 2 weeks. Yeah, I did that. Within a few months I was pregnant with my son and I was a mother at 19. Divorced by 20. As a single mother I struggled but even then it didnt occur to me what was missing in my life. I was partying some, reliving my youth I had felt I lost by getting married so young.
I remarried at 25 and had my daughter, but this man was just like my father, very abusive. I stayed with him until he hit my child. We divorced when I was 28. It was hard being a single mother of 2 children but I made ends meet and still refused to see what is so clear to me now.
In 2000 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and just knew I was going to die. I had a hysterectomy and the depression set in. I struggled with it on and off for the next few years. To the point that I tried to take my own life on 4 separte occasions. And still I would not turn to God.
I believe that I felt anger towards God at the time. How could he let me be abused both physically and sexually as a child? I didnt want anything to do with a God like that.
Then I remarried again in 2004 to a wonderful man who is so supportive and loving. My son had started to have trouble in school so I sent him to a christian school. I felt like I was being a hypocrite by making him go but not attending church so I starting going to the church affiliated witht he school, yanno to keep up appearances. Little did I know what the Holy Spririt would do in my life and my families life!
A little while after going I fell into a really deep depression. I overdosed on some medicine and was put into the hospital. I dont remeber anything about that night except when they opened the ambulance doors my Pastor was waiting at the entrance to the hospital. I thought to myself good gracious he wont want me back in his church after this. He sat with me and prayed over me all night, so I am told.
They let me out of the hospital and I really didnt want to go back to church,I was embarrassed. But I went, something told me I needed to go. I walked in and I have never felt so loved and accepted anywhere before in my life.
Late last year I was diagnosed with colon cancer, and its funny because I didnt have the fear I had had before. I KNEW that God was going to take care of me. I knew that I was going to be okay.
I did my treatment, I was in church every Sunday and Wednesday that I wasnt throwing up and he worked a miracle in me.
So here I am. Today, 34, blessed beyond all belief. I am a 2 time cancer survivor, a child abuse survivor and I am thankful to my God that I endured what I have so that I have a heart for women and children of abuse. If I hadnt lived it, maybe I wouldnt have the compassion that I do.
Maybe the youth in our church wouldnt feel so close to me and feel like they can talk to me like they do, they know I am soft hearted and I love them.
Thanks for listening
God Bless |
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