so on a more serious note... i guess for a while now things just haven't been going great. i would cry myself to sleep because i just felt the division amongst many ppl that i love. the hardest i've had to do as an adult and i feel... i did the right thing, but lost much at the same time.
after just crying to my mother yesterday after coming home from a church back to school party, my mother kept reassuring me that i did nothing wrong and that my family would stand behind my decision 1,000%! which was a huge relief.
i guess i knew certain people would never understand and shouldn't be hurt... but i'm that person. the kind that puts so much trust in a person... and then gets hurt when i find out what kind of person they really are. the kind that once you are in my life... its hard for me to let you out (but sometimes i have to let you out) the kind that is so emotional about what is said about me, when i shouldn't care. and the kind that just wants to be liked by everyone. for years i tried changing who i was to meet all of those things and recently started changing. i will trust you when you prove you can be trusted, i won't completely let you in my life once i know i can trust you with it, i will not care about what you think of me (for i know i was made in His perfect image!) and i will not be anything more than myself, like it or not.
my decision to have let people go of my life is not because of anger of what they have done to me... its because they were causing division not just in my life or of others but because i'm done with my teenage years and no longer want to deal with high school drama.
sometimes i ask myself, "was i just too harsh?" but i can't put it in my heart or thought to say that i was. God has put this verse in front of me to reassure me, i believe, in the decision i have made a few months back. and although, i will admit, am still hurt by what a few people have said or done... i am a strong person, not on my own but with God! and i pray that the Lord soften your heart to not hold a grudge and may you be blessed. life isn't easy but we weren't promise a perfect life... only that they Lord will never put us through anything we couldn't handle.
I am very proud of you....Only you can stand up for yourself!!! You are going to go far now....God is going to use you in so many ways....you have already been a major blessing in my life. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to be your true friend.....I love you !!! :)
thank you jo! i love you too... and you have no idea how encouraging you have been through all this! you are a huge blessing in my life as well. *hugs*
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