I have had to deal with my shyness all of my life. As a little girl, I know I was scared of everything and everyone. My poor mother had her hands full! When she took me to kindergarten I cried the whole first week when she left me there. I was terrified. I had to cope with it all through elementary school, high school, and college. I felt uncomfortable in crowds, speaking in front of people, meeting new people, being in unfamiliar places or situations. Some people thrive in those situations, but I wither.
When I went back to college at the age of 35, that was a huge step for me. I overcame some fears, and tried to be more in control of my shyness. As I have grown older, I feel as though I am more in control of it than it controlling me. But still, in new situations, or with people I don't know well, I am extremely quiet and uncomfortable.
One thing I did about a year ago was become part of the praise team at church. I fought with God for over a year, because I felt He was calling me to sing with the praise groups, but I was terrified of being up in front of people, or worse yet, making a mistake or making a fool of myself!!! I finally decided I had to do it, because He wasn't going to let me out of it. It wasn't easy, and I still feel some fear when I get up on stage, but I do it, and it has been a blessing to me.
Really, I don't know how to be less shy, since it has been a way of life for me. I have to force myself to take part in conversations, but it is easier with people that I know better. I don't know what the cause of it is, I don't know how to be comfortable in all the situations that make me uncomfortable. I find it impossible to be outgoing when I am not. Yet there are times I feel such frustration that I cannot stand up for myself more. I know the bible says 41:10 fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
But, even though I trust God to get me through things, and I try not to be anxious about things, I still feel shy. I used to not be able to sleep when thinking (worrying) about a new situation that was coming up. I don't have that problem anymore. If you knew me when I was younger, you would see how much I have changed. Still, there is work to be done.
And how do people see me? I know I have judged people on first impressions that they are "stuck up" or snobby, when in fact, they are shy!!! Do people see me that way, as stuck up or snobby? I hope not! That is why it is important to not put too much stock in first impressions.
James said
1:19 Know this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, It is good to listen, but not good to fear being heard. I just have to find a way to balance the two. |
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