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| Living with shyness |
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I have had to deal with my shyness all of my life. As a little girl, I know I was scared of everything and everyone. My poor mother had her hands full! When she took me to kindergarten I cried the whole first week when she left me there. I was terrified. I had to cope with it all through elementary school, high school, and college. I felt uncomfortable in crowds, speaking in front of people, meeting new people, being in unfamiliar places or situations. Some people thrive in those situations, but I wither.
When I went back to college at the age of 35, that was a huge step for me. I overcame some fears, and tried to be more in control of my shyness. As I have grown older, I feel as though I am more in control of it than it controlling me. But still, in new situations, or with people I don't know well, I am extremely quiet and uncomfortable.
One thing I did about a year ago was become part of the praise team at church. I fought with God for over a year, because I felt He was calling me to sing with the praise groups, but I was terrified of being up in front of people, or worse yet, making a mistake or making a fool of myself!!! I finally decided I had to do it, because He wasn't going to let me out of it. It wasn't easy, and I still feel some fear when I get up on stage, but I do it, and it has been a blessing to me.
Really, I don't know how to be less shy, since it has been a way of life for me. I have to force myself to take part in conversations, but it is easier with people that I know better. I don't know what the cause of it is, I don't know how to be comfortable in all the situations that make me uncomfortable. I find it impossible to be outgoing when I am not. Yet there are times I feel such frustration that I cannot stand up for myself more. I know the bible says 41:10 fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
But, even though I trust God to get me through things, and I try not to be anxious about things, I still feel shy. I used to not be able to sleep when thinking (worrying) about a new situation that was coming up. I don't have that problem anymore. If you knew me when I was younger, you would see how much I have changed. Still, there is work to be done.
And how do people see me? I know I have judged people on first impressions that they are "stuck up" or snobby, when in fact, they are shy!!! Do people see me that way, as stuck up or snobby? I hope not! That is why it is important to not put too much stock in first impressions.
James said
1:19 Know this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, It is good to listen, but not good to fear being heard. I just have to find a way to balance the two. |
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| To add a comment to "Living with shyness" |
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| May 16, 2007 |
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Hi Deb,
I want to tell you that I so identify with that! I am truly an introvert at heart. But God has me leading a small group (~14 peo) for our church, and I only get through it by God's amazing strength grace and mercy!! (God IS good, isn't He!) Hope you've found His strength too -- it looks like you have!! ~mike |
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| May 16, 2007 |
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Thanks for sharing Deb! I think a lot of people can resonate with your natural inclination.. it's wonderful to hear how God is teaching you and allowing you to reach out to others in love. Great verse to share as well! |
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| May 16, 2007 |
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| Deb, I am so thankful you shared this! I can't imagine anyone thinking YOU are a snob! I've always thought you were a sweet person...just shy. I am so thankful for this site, because it has offered me the opportunity to get to know you better! You have been such a blessing to me through this difficult time. Although our friendship is a new one, I know you are one of those people I could count on. You are a blessing to me! |
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| May 16, 2007 |
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| ditto what Val said! I don't think anyone thinks you're a snob! I can be shy too!! I know people don't believe it! But I feel the same way~especially around people I don't know & new situations. I confess, I've gone down a different isle @ the grocery store just to avoid speaking to someone I might not know very well! Isn't that terrible :} Bravo for being on the praise team! P.S. I heard you went to C.F. High School. What yr. did you graduate? |
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| May 16, 2007 |
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Deb,
I was reading your blog at work and I had to leave before I could write you a comment, so now I am home and I think I have a minute to do it...
So you are shy! There is nothing wrong with being shy or introvert (in my opinion). Can you imagine the world filled with just extrovert people?!?!? It would be like being in the middle of Manhattan 24/7. By the way, I enjoy "visiting" Manhattan for a weekend, but I love more when I can come back home to the quietness of Southern Maryland ;-)
I think the problem is not really being shy, but being fearful. When "fear" becomes a controller in our lives and we are totally at the mercy of "fear", then we need God to intervene. But after reading your blog I see you have already taken positives steps to overcome your fear of performing in front of people or a group, and you did it with the help of God. That, my sister, takes courage. Good for you!!!
I read once the following "Fear is not overcome by dealing with the fear; it is overcome by DOING the fearful thing." It does sound pretty good, but it is not so easy when we have to do it. Well, you can count yourself blessed because you've done it. Hey, I will gladly seat in your church one Sunday morning while you are singing with the praise and worship team with a big sign saying "Congratulations… You did it!"
To end my comment I’ll like to leave you with some facts I found online: Introverts draw their energy from themselves, while extroverts are motivated to action by being with others. According to several sources, extroverts make up 60% to 75% of the population, and introverts make up the remainder. This might explain society's alleged preference toward extroverted behavior. One introvert vented his frustration in an essay entitled "The Tyranny of the Extroverts." Introverts shouldn't fret, though -- even though they're outnumbered, 60% of gifted children are believed to be "on their team." Hey Deb, you see, you are a gifted child of God ;-)
Romans 8: 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
Bless you,
Lourdes |
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| May 17, 2007 |
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| Thank you, thank you, thank you! It doesn't seem like enough to say to you for all the comments of support. It is a comfort to know that others struggle with this problem...I tend to forget that! I appreciate every single one of you, and thank you for taking the time to make a comment. That is what makes this website a blessing from God. |
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| May 17, 2007 |
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Deb,
I think part of the problem may be the way we grew up. Some of these kids get so much exposure to being on stage and things of that nature. Others of us did not have this exposure. I think it is much harder for an adult to learn these things, than for someone who got used to them as a child. That is why I make sure my kids have piano recitals and ballet recitals to get used to being in front of people. Especially for those of us who were picked on as a child, the fear of rejection is real. It is a process that the Lord can take us through, but it does take time. It does seem like those are the type of people that the Lord does call "up front." Those of us who would rather not be in the spotlight are often found there. I think if someone loves being in the spot light, maybe they need to take a seat. But for those of us who are intimidated by this, facing our fears is the way to overcome them. So a hearty Amen to stepping out in faith. When we keep our focus on Him and not ourselves, then and only then our fears will go away. One thing the Lord spoke to me about, that really helped me was: "Keep your focus on His strengths instead of your weeknesses." Nice topic :) |
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| May 17, 2007 |
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Hi Deb! As others have said, don't try to change your introversion. That's who you (and I) are. We live in an extrovert world, but if we can face our fears and see the special gifts God has given us (there are many!), we can love who God has designed us to be! Work through your fears, while at the same time capitalizing on your strengths. What is it you are comfortable and enjoy doing? Introverts often make the best listeners, the best writers, the best students . . .
When I was younger my greatest fear in all the world was having to stand in front of a crowd (even a school class) and talk. Now that's what I love doing for a living. And I had a moment of awe a few weeks ago, when the V.P. at our college asked me if I was available to help with a memorial service for the VT victims, that morning. She had two jobs that needed to be filled: speaking and lighting candles. I quickly, without hesitating, said I'd prefer to speak - to a filled auditorium of faculty,. students, and administrators! Well, as it turned out, someone else wanted that job, so I lit candles, but later I pondered how much I have changed. Now I need to work on my fear of lighting candles! Hold your head high, my introvert friend, and be blessed! |
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| June 03, 2009 |
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Yep. God "likes" us; He doesn't just love us. He made us with the personality that we have [not so the flesh can life through us; but so that his Son can]. :-) Blessings!
Craig |
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| June 05, 2009 |
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Your story could be my story. I was so afraid of people when I was younger that if I saw someone I knew coming down the street toward me that I knew, I would cross the street because I was afraid to say "hello." But God has done a work. I, too, went back to college in my 30s, and now I'm a high school teacher, a job where I have to talk! That was all God's work, not mine. Still, I find myself awkward in just conversations many times. It's really not a bad thing. People who are so shy generally learn to listen to everything, and the Holy Spirit cultivates discernment and wisdom in your quiet, and you become a great blessing to many. People who watch and listen are often more intune to the voice of God. Just be ready to speak "as the Spirit gives utterance." Even if it feels scarey, don't let your enemy cheat you out of what the Lord wants you to do for His people. Taking that first step is terrifying, and that sly enemy will whisper in your ear things like, "What if you're wrong; you're going to make a fool out of yourself;" but he's a liar. There's no greater high than being in the middle of what God is doing and being used by Him to serve in His kingdom work. God bless you abundantly in your victory now, and in many victories to come! |
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| June 09, 2009 |
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Earthen Vessel, goodness, this came out of the archives, didn't it? lol Thank you for your comment. God is not only our Creator, he is our Friend. That is so cool.
Beverly, thank you for sharing your struggles! It is nice to know I am not alone. And I agree that being a great listener is a good thing. Some people just don't know how to be quiet, and they miss a lot. Those of us who take the time to listen can learn so much more. |
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