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| From a fulltime pastors heart! |
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PASTOR STATISTICS | 80 percent of pastors say they have insufficient time with spouse and that ministry has a negative effect on their family. 40 percent report a serious conflict with a parishioner once a month. 33 percent say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family. 75 percent report they've had a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry. 58 percent of pastors indicate that their spouse needs to work either part time or full time to supplement the family income. 56 percent of pastors' wives say they have no close friends. 45 percent of pastors' wives say the greatest danger to them and family is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual burnout. 21 percent of pastors' wives want more privacy. Pastors who work fewer than 50 hours a week are 35 percent more likely to be terminated. 40 percent of pastors considered leaving the pastorate in the past three months. Source: "Pastors At Greater Risk" by H.B London Jr. and Neil Wiseman, Regal Books, 2003 |
Mychurch family what do you think of these statictics? I wanted to share this blog for several reasons.
- Class is cancelled tonight and I have the time.
- It has been a long time coming. Some of this is too painful to share.
- There are some of you fighting the calling on your life. Be absolutely sure it is the Lord; for only he can give you the strength to endure what you about to go through.
I must admit I have never given this stuff much consideration until I walked in these shoes. I was like the young man that was over one night spending time with my boys. "Pastor Webb, you have it made. All you so is preach on Sunday and get paid!" I often wonder how many think like this. The past 10 years for me have been most challenging and rewarding. There were those times that I wanted to quit. I wanted to cuss someone out, beat somebody up and run like you know what in the middle of the night. But the thing that brings me the most pain is the time I lost with my children. They are great and to this day Antoine is tremendously proud his dad is a minister. He called just the other day and told his mom that. Marcus just gave me some encouraging words the other day. I asked my wife, "Did my doctor call with bad news lately?" She laughed and assured me that my boys were just saying they are proud of their dad. Seriously, men and women of the clothe. Do not neglect your family in the name of ministry! Thats what Pastor Webb did for a few years. I can remember Antoine calling and needing a ride home and me telling him, " I am in a meeting." Him needing to be picked up from basketball practice and me telling him, "I am in a meeting." Him asking for money for shoes or just to go out and me telling him no, money is tight son, and then helping someone else that asked for a handout. Doing all that in the name of ministry! I know. I know. You have the heart for helping and so do I. It is the very fabric of our makeup. When we moved to Shelby four years ago, I told myself I would not get so involved that I would not have time for my boys. What do you know? In short order, I was involved in so much here in Shelby, the family was put on hold again. This time I almost lost my son to the streets family. He was reaching out to his dad and I was no where to be found. I was in a meeting in the name of ministry. This hurts to think about. Sister Coreena has the blog "Card Board Confessions." That is mine. A terrible father to Antoine. If you are familiar with the organization Young Life, I had become involved in that also. I was attending a fundraiser one night. Talking to community leaders about other things various organizations were doing in the city. Just full of myself. It hit me at one point during that dinner. When am I going to have the time to do all of this. When? That night I tossed and turned until about 3:00am. I got up and emailed everyone and told them I was stepping down from everything and focusing on my family. That Sunday, as we sat for dinner as a family alone(that is another story) I promised them I would be there from here on out. The looks on their faces were priceless. My wife just looks at me and says, "My prayers are answered." So what is the message? Pastors go home to your families and love them first. Do you know I had this crazy formula of; God, Church, then my family and so do many of you, if you are honest. I have a friend now, who has younger children and is doing the very same thing I was doing. His wife and children are hurting. I have colleagues who have lost sons and daughters to the world. You know some as well. For me today? God, family and then the church. I know we should not beat ourselves up over past stuff but this really does hurt when I reflect back, so pray for me family. I thank God for watching over my family when I was not. I share because I do not want you, your spouse or your children to hurt like our family did. The numbers you see above are probably low. Reach out to your pastor and be bold. Tell them to take care of family first. Be a friend to the first lady. Don't assume our lives are perfect, that includes our children. We are constantly putting out fires and Recovering from major disappointments, deep hurts. More than anything you do, pray for our strength and wisdom. In his name! |
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| To add a comment to "From a fulltime pastors heart!" |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| WOW Jerry I have tears in my eyes as I read this! It reminds me of the many disscussions/arguements my husband and I have had the last couple of years about ministry, I'm just gonna leave it at that brings up an abundance of emotions. I will keep your familiy in prayer and thanks for sharing this part of your life with us!! God Bless! |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Ok, this brought tears. Folks, it is NOT your pastor's place to be at the hospital everytime you sneeze. Folks, you do NOT come first, just because he gets a paycheck and is your shepherd, God is first, then his family, then y'all. Folks, he is NOT Superman nor Jesus, he cannot be everywhere all the time, and when you demand he does.....everyone loses.
So, people it's time to get off your rears, jump in and visit those sick, step out of your box and visit the unchurched (it's NOT just his job), step up in things in the church and quit putting it all off on him, respect his family (God does), respect his need for time alone (he'll be a better pastor to you), respect his wife (she's been called also, they are one), don't be friends with her JUST because she's the pastor's wife (be a real friend), accept that he IS human, has a home and family just like you. We are all called of God for something.....don't put it all off on your pastor.....and then crucify him when things don't get done.
siiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhh, ok now I'll step down off my soapbox. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| I'm back, forgot something........remember he IS human, he has failures, down days that he just doesn't feel like smiling, heartaches, problems at home, he gets sick too.....yeah, he's just like us. Pray for him. When you see him in the pulpit every Sunday, remember that satan has tried all week long to destroy what this man has been given by God to tell you....don't let satan use you to help destroy it. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| AMEN Cindy!!! And above all PRAY FOR YOUR PASTORS AND THEIR FAMILIES!!! The attack that they come under is worse than we will ever experience ourselves! They have a whole congregation to care for!! |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| I was a wife of an Associate Minister and I often felt a lot of what you have written in your blog. It is something to think about before going into the ministry and if you are already in it. I couldn't imagine being a Pastors wife, that's why we lift the First Lady & Family up in prayer daily. We just had three weeks of Bible Study on Relationships and he challenged everyone to put your spouse, family, friends, significant other on your calendar for a date night and don't cancel no matter what. I always told my (soon to be x) that our marriage was a ministry. Some think the spouse is there to support the Pastor (their spouse) and while that is true they have to also be reminder that you are in this thing together and support each other. Time with your spouse give you the opportunity to nurture each other. Bishop mentioned in Bible study that were are here to Compliment and Complete each other. What do you think of that statement? |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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OUTSTANDING BLOG Jerry
I was always taught the family is your first Ministry, & you know how some churches have rules & regulations
well I was also taught the people are more important than rules & regulations. I have know other to do the same thing your talking about Jerry when I was in ministry in New York we had to go to different class on family & reconizing when & proventing burn out. your so right & clear on how things should be in dency & order,
God, family and then the church Amen to that
Bless u & your family & I will be praying |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Your bishop is wise. Often, I hear some say that God called the pastor and not his wife. I have heard some men and women I have a great deal of respect repeat that Remarkable Terry. I heard it so much that I began to believe it. That naturally filtered down to the entire family. Hence, my mantra of God, Church and family. My revelation happened as we studied Old Testament. The word says.. 2:23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. They became one flesh. They became one flesh. If we are one flesh than how can God call me and not her? My wife and children are critical to my ministry and I give my all to them now. After God, all else is placed on the back burner sister. I can feel the prayers of my members when they call on Jesus for us. It is truly incredible. I plead to you and all others, never stop praying for your pastors and his family. By the way everyone check out this blog spot, http://www.pastorblog.com/ and browse some of the topics and comments. It may shed some light on what many of us are going through daily. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| Thank you Ma. You make some interesting points and what many professionals in counseling have concluded. In all our training in theology and church administration, there is little by way of family therapy and counseling. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Pastor,
Thanks for sharing . Really gave me food for thought as I process my own calling to pastor. I pray diligently for you and Mrs. Webb because I know that you both carry an enormous mantle. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| In his name revstarr. We will talk openly about all the challenges we face in our calling. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Jerry... I know what you go through and what can happen. My father-in-law got a PhD in Psychology... he's come out retirement four times. I've seen him when his heart is just so hurt and torn because he cares so much about the church and the congregation. When Syd was in ICU, there were more preachers in the waiting room for us than parents. They took care of us and everyone there. People just don't understand that we need to minister to you. God bless you, and I think that people should know what the life of a Pastor is all about. My husband dearly wanted to a Pastor, but God did call him. He KNEW that the call had to come from God. He knew what it takes. My mother-in-law asked me if I could be a Pastor's wife, and I told her that I would do everything I could, but my health would hold him back. God is using my husband in so many areas of the church that I'm amazed. I told him that he doesn't have to be a Pastor to serve God. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| Not that I am in any way advocating this, but I wonder if this is why Catholics don't allow their priests to marry? (Not advocating because I am a PK, so I would not be here if marriage was not allowed!) You have made me think, and I will be more diligent now in my prayers for my own pastor (will also squeeze you and your family in there too, lol). |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Joey, thanks so much for understanding and I pray for healing in his name. My goal in education is get my PhD in social work and become a licensed family therapist. I want to specialize in the family of clergy and church workers. My wife, children and I have so much to offer by way of practical experience. Lee, I did not know you were a PK! I am not sure about the Catholics thinking on celibacy for its priests but my wife has been a solid rock for me. Her calming words, warm embraces and stern admonitions from time to time have been crucial. |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| 100 stars, Jerry! May hundreds of church attenders read this blog and ponder its words! |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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Jerry, and all other pastors who read this, you have my sympathy and admiration! And.....APPRECIATION!!!!
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| This is a mychurch award winning blog... everyone needs to read this before going to church tomorrow night. Our church is without a pastor right now and trust me your appreciation level for your shepard skyrockets! |
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| October 07, 2008 |
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| Jerry -- Yep, my daddy was a Baptist, but I'm a Methodist, so he is probably dizzy from turning over in his grave. hehe |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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| This is great, Jerry. There is a minister who comes and speaks at our church 1-2 times a year who has a ministry whose sole mission is to minister to pastors. It is an area that sorely needs our attention. |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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| WONDERFUL BLOG JERRY AND SO TRUE
MY DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND IS A MINISTER AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ON TARGET THE MINISTER STATISTICS ARE.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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| EXCELLENT and I'll stand out on the branch with you brother....
BEYOND TRUE with the statistics!!!
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| October 08, 2008 |
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Jerry, I think your an awesome brother, I love your stuff and I'm going to be really honest about these stats here. First, I am going to say...I support you in the body of Christ! But I am just going to say...these stats are dated in a book written 5 years ago meaning they were acquired at least 2 years before that, a lot has changed over the last 7 years, the world and the US was pretty prosperous then...not so now...
To be honest I don't know any professional job where men feel like they have adequate time with their spouse, you just have to learn to make time for it, it is that simple, and you have to make choices too and I'm going to list some examples below...I DON't believe these are all unique to pastors but some of them fit across the board to all workers in general...
I'm a nurse practitioner, I myself have worked in excess of 70-80 hours a week when I first started in my profession. Now 8 years into it I'm down to 36-40 hours a week and getting paid more than ever, I count myself as one of the lucky ones but it comes with experience and longevity in the profession. I also refuse to work in management, I have decided it is not worth it. It cuts too much into family time, I'm satisfied sitting right where I am to be home with family more, been there done that as the saying goes....wrote the book, the prestige is not worth the price at home, we all have to make those choices...I could make 20-30K more a year but it would NOT be worth it to not see my family...
I can have serious conflicts with patients who want drugs disagree with my treatment plans and can make complaints to the board of nursing or my boss...it is just part of what I have to deal with, if they want an antibiotic for a cold and I don't give it I have to state why to my boss and defend my position...(viruses will never go away with a treatment of an antibiotic) it is just how it is....but even with the best of education people sometimes leave unhappy....people can see me one day and die the next, families will almost never understand how that happens, but it is just the cycle of life....
When I worked in psych I had a knife left on my front door of my home with blood dripping off of it, in peds I had a woman rush me and almost stabbed me in my belly when I was pregnant, I have been stuck with dirty needles from Hep B, and ? HIV, I never converted...I have never been harmed, but again nursing can be a dangerous profession...
As a professional nurse in my first job I got paid 8.58 cents, it frankly was not enough and as a public servant I was not alone. Firefighters, policemen, teachers all fall into this category. Most pastors get a home dwelling, albeit it goes when they are out of a job, none the less, all these professions are paid less than what they should earn and if a man is employed in any of these professions a wife working is almost a given.
Most nurses say they are "burnout" in 2 years because of shift-work alone not to mention the strain that the profession leaves on many nurses.
I don't know anyone who doesn't think of leaving their "job" on a pretty regular basis or just wonder should I be doing this or something else especially when it is ruff or family is upset etc or it carries all this issues that are so prevalent as you have mentioned here.
I can't speak to the termination status I think that really depends on if your salaried...I think all salaried employees have that issue to be honest, there can always be that misconception that they don't do enough.
So I guess what I am saying is that in any single profession there are hidden woes and outright noted blessings. Preachers are also some of the happiest working people out there some of them say...I get paid for doing what I love! Ministering to the body of Christ! There are some very wealthy ministers out there who live in some of the nicest homes in the cities they minister in, their kids go to private school, their wives don't work, and they are truly happy honest men of God with a thriving body under them, my minister is one of them. When I say wealthy I don't mean rich dollar wise they live "comfortable" but they are definitely rich. Now, they talk about their "poor" days but they do it laughing just like I do...
I guess the biggest thing here is all men and all women when they work outside the home have got to remember that family can not always come first in the fact that we can't stay home and not go to work every day (we would all get fired) BUT there are times that you do have to lay down you life and give to them when it counts. For example, Right now I commute about 3 hours a day and work 12 I get home about 9:45 or so at night. My son was doing a project for his advance biology project and needed to do some allegories, he wasn't getting it. He asked for my help and all I really wanted to do was sleep, he was really frustrated, but I stayed up till about 10:30 helping him to get it and copying and pasting pictures on the computer, today I'm training at work, and I'm just really tired, but that is what we just have to do for family, when you take time to do that your putting family first, the truth is all I wanted to do was fall into bed....I had brought home glue and double sided tape, I really wanted that to be enough input on my part....lol...his project looked great as he walked out the door this morning...I'm not elevating myself as a parent here, I'm sure we all have done this kind of stuff....this is a pretty simple example that took 45 minutes of my time...
I guess Jerry part of what I am saying is this, I have seen pastors who have time for everyone else BUT their family, time for every woman in the congregation but their wife, time for every child but their own children. I could have in my career taken care of every preemie in the NICU but never helped to heal my own son if I wanted to, but we all have to learn to be faithful at home first...it is OUR choice. We can ignore what we have at home because it is our "call" and we justify it that way or we can be faithful in the small things so God can bless us in the larger things. I truly believe no pastor is going to ever be happy with his "congregation" if he has not learned to be happy at home first...it is just a Biblical principal the way I see it...now sorry this is so long, but I just had to call this as I saw it....In Him, and pulling for all pastors...for the body, and for all families in Christ...Lori
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| October 08, 2008 |
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Lori, God bless you my sister. As I finished this blog and went to bed last night my mind went to other professions. I wrote this from my perspective as a pastor and was prepared to return to my keyboard today and plead with all others. Please take care of home. But you laid it out there! Amen! |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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Kathy, I always appreciate your input and thanks for the kind words. Cheryl from Ga, I am in prayer for your congregation. Imagine what would happen if Paul applied for a job at a church? What his resume would look like. Think anyone would hire him if he put all of his previous work on it? Lee, I guess it is true. PK's are so hard-headed and rebellious.hehe Carol and Mike, I would like to read some of this pastors work. Can you lead me to it. Pastor Tim, I pray for you my brother. Denise, Encourage you daughter daily and be there for support. My son still loves my input on things going on in his life today. He makes his own decisions but calls his daddy. Cheryl, I am always amazed that people who are going through some things like you can find the strength to encourage others. You make God smile sister. |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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My heart just broke at the statistics you gave and they are all true. So many times we try to turn our pastors into supermen and God knows you are not. He gave you your particular family for a reason and that is the strength and sustenace that you draw from them, however I don't think he wanted you to put them on the back burner. We have to learn to respect families of our pastor and remember they are human just like us. I agree with CindyLou(my boo LOL), more of us need to get up off our rumps and do more in the church in order to relieve our pastors and do it with joy in our hearts. You cannot be everywhere at the same time all the time. My prayers are with you and yours and thank you for welcoming me as a friend.
Much Love |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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| very good! |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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Jerry, My pastor is not famous! Written a year ago, in honor (& defense) of my pastor, and most pastors as well, in recognition of Pastor Appreciation Month. I hope you (and other pastors too) will take a look back at this, and find encouragement! |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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| Very good message Pastor Jerry. At one time or another I have fit into this category. It is so very easy to get busy with helping people that one doesn't take time for oneself or one's family. Thankfully The Lord whacked me upside the head several times and I got the message. My priorities are my relationship with Jesus, my marriage, family, ministry and church. |
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| October 08, 2008 |
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mstovall2003, Thank you for your prayers and support. Mike and Laura, Read it today and loved it. So very true and on point. Most of us are very simple and humble, hardworking people. We love what we do inspite of the obvious challenges. Pastor Dave, The Lord will whack us a time or two won't he? We can suffer the wrath of God also when we lose focus. |
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| October 14, 2008 |
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Pastor Jerry,
Unfortunately, I believe quite a few professions would show similar statistics...teachers, cops, medical field would all seem obvious. But having recently retired from corporate America, it is also IT technicians, financial consultants, etc.
We have become consumed in the country with believing we can do it all, have it all. The statisics suggest otherwise. And the Lord really help you if you are a single parent!
If you (others here) have never read The On-Purpose Person, I would strongly recommend it. It is written by Kevin McCarthey...I think a revised version is coming out soon. Bottom line, I found it some 20 years ago and it helped me define my purpose in life. It takes you through a series of exercises along that discovery process which force you to evaluate time allocations to faith, family, professional, personal development, etc. Once you have that compass, it is amazing how much noise (time-wasters) you can filter out of your day and how much more time you have for the important relationships.
God's Blessings,
pa
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| November 18, 2008 |
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Thank You for sharing this information...
In His Grace.
Pastor Cornelia |
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| November 18, 2008 |
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Thank You for sharing this information...
In His Grace.
Pastor Cornelia |
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| November 18, 2008 |
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| Thank you for sharing your heart Pastor Jerry. We love you and pray for you and your family. God bless. |
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| November 18, 2008 |
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Excellent and I concur dear Pastor!
Needs to be shed abroad in the Christian community.
We certainly need the reminder and the insight.
Very timely...
Herman |
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| November 19, 2008 |
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| THANKS SO MUCH pastor FOR THIS BLOG, iT HAS HELPED ME IN MORE WAYS THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW! |
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