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| A bitter sweet farewell |
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It is with a mixture of sadness and gladness that, today, I bid farewell to my 30's.
Today is my 40th birthday. And I am in process of solidifying just HOW I am feeling about this day. I saw it coming two years ago and it ran up on me much faster than I thought it would. And today . . . here it is!
Let's see, I'll start with the bad stuff first:
I am sad because very little of what I thought I should be or have got done in my thirties. I am comforted by Bishops words . . . he said that his thirties were a time where EVERYTHING he knew or believe was challenged and flipped on its side.
AMEN TO THAT!
In my thirties, I was supposed to be building a fabulous career and making more money than I could hold in any purse. Instead, I spent my thirties building CHILDREN and keeping my home in tact and spending the majority of my time sweating about money.
In my thirties, I was supposed to have my big mansion on a hill somewhere. Well, my house is a mansion "in spirit" but not in deed. But it is filled with love and has been a haven for many over the years.
In my thirties, I was suppose to have PhD. behind my name.
Many other things were "supposed to happen" in my thirties.
My thirties was a decade of extremes.
We (meaning my spouse and I) were either doing really good or really bad. Whatever it was, that was the temperment of that thing. I cannot say that it was all bad. Somewhere in the middle, we had some great times . . . in that 34-36 range we did have some fun and such.
When I peer through the melancholy, I could actually see what God probably wanted me to see about this decade of turbulence. This is where I can talk about the GOOD part.
My thirties, while very dramatic and turbulent, was also a time of great spiritual growth. It was very painful but very enlightening. It was a time of pruning and chipping away. By the time I entered into the second half of my thirties, I began to understand who was supposed to be in my space, and who just had to go. I stopped relying on "history" to define who my friends were. Though there was great drama a stress over releasing certain folk to their road, God showed me that the path I was on was not going to work with certain people in my space. They had to go. Oh yeah, God cleaned out ALL my closets!
But it was also in my thirties that God brought a whole NEW host of wonderful, godly friends into my life to replace the ones He had swept way. AWESOME friends who even challenged the way I did friendship. But again, it was EXTREME! The relationships have been forged through great halls of FIRE.
Together we (my closest friends) have lived through and survived the death of spouses, children, parents and friends. We have survived cancer, betrayal, loss of marriages and even the losing of our minds! The tears that have been shed between us could have put OUT that fire that forged us and bound us together! I am grateful that the fiery furnace of my thirties has made these women my "forever friends".
It was in my thirties that I exchanged that flimsy definition of friendship. I used to call anyone I met a "friend". Now, I understand that a true friendship is an issue of COVENANT. Friendship, to me, is a "covenant word". And you don't just fling a covenant around. It is serious business. Not everyone you meet is your friend.
It was in my thirties that I realized that marriage is NOT the fairytale YOUNG women want to believe it is. It is HARD work, ladies (and gentlemen). There will be tears of bitterness to offset those tears of joy you cried on your wedding day. If you dare to listen, know this -- if you don't do marriage God's way, you are going to have unimaginable trouble and drama -- and probably divorce -- on your hands. But if you stand long enough to weather the storms, you will learn the FANTASTIC lesson of how God can sustain with His mighty right hand. And He will add a blessing on the other side of that storm. I'm a living witness.
It was in my thirties that God taught me how to "hand it over" -- whatever "it" is that has got your back up against the wall. I still have not perfected this but BOY did God put me in the school of "handing it over" in my thirties!!!! And after I handed it over, God would slam dunk that thing and turn back to me and say, "What else ya got?"
It was in my late thirties that I realized that many of the women more "seasoned" than I (I have learned recently to say "seasoned" instead of "older") had the same feeling about their thirties . . . their 30's sucked. They always seem to say the same thing: their 40's ROCKED!
It was in my thirties where I started to learn to walk out the path the God put me on. I spent much of my thirties wondering how in the heck I got to this place! This place was NOT where my 20-year-old mind had imagined! But I did what God called me to do even though it made me look like an absolute lunatic. I was the 30-something lunatic. But God kept on showing me the future and what He wants to do. I spent most of my thirties half afraid to DO it. But as I slide into my late thirties, I began to respond to Him. And He started to show me more.
As I open the door to 40, I am not as afraid anymore. I'm starting some things that God told me to do, and I am FINISHING some other things that I struggled with starting in my thirties. In fact, there is one big thing that I am on the verge of finishing that I am now convinced God was not going to LET me finish until I crossed over 40.
I am discovering that 40 is a "crossover" age. An age where you are finally looked at in a serious light. You are seasoned now with the bitterness and sweetness of life and have a voice that you did not possess in your 30's or before. And you are still young enough that the older -- I mean "seasoned" -- 50 and 60-somethings still look at you and say, "Oh child, please! You are a BABY!" I was at a celebration for a friend turning 50 this past summer and her sister, who was 10 years her senior told me I was "a baby". Imagine that, a baby at forty! Kinda interesting!
The best thing about turning forty is that I am wiser and calmer than I used to be. Did I mention that my husband and I are making this transition into 40 TOGETHER? He is 8 days older than me and made HIS transition last Friday, October 3rd. So we are doing this 40 thing together. And there is something special about that with all that we have struggled through. It is like we are growing up and growing older at almost the exact same time. Our struggles and strife are giving way to gentle understanding that God is forging something in the both of us . . . together.
Behold . . . He does a NEW THING.
The 30's was the time of FIRE and PURGING. The 40's, I now understand, will be a time of clearing , cleansing, rebuilding and harvesting.
Today, on my 40th birthday, I cannot wait for what the future hold for me and my family. I think the 40's are going to be more than alright! |
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| To add a comment to "A bitter sweet farewell" |
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| October 11, 2008 |
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Awesome, Blog Alli. Your thirty Story sound like my Fifties Story. It's great to be under such preaching as our Bishop. God is Good, Enjoy your Forties. |
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| October 11, 2008 |
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| I had to hold on to every topic from my issues to Bishop's statement of the years in his life to my life as well. The upgrading in age from 30 something to now 40 has been interesting to look back on. God has brought us a long way. Your blog is on point! |
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| October 13, 2008 |
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God Bless you Ali. Life is a blessing. Focus more on the blessings God has given you and not on the
material wealth. In my forties I was actively raising my daughter of whom I had at 32 years. I grew with her.
I was a single parent-- didn't focus on that. Work in your schedule a devotional life, pray, listen to God -- try
a prayer room if you have space -- that is your time and God will talk with you. Bishop has been so inspirational to me in my thirties, forties and now fifties. God will work it out. Focus on your blessings -- your
health, your spouse, your children, your family. Our society will often try to engulf you with material gain....
we are spiritual focus ...... on the eternal. |
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