| Hitting a wall... |
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OK... first for those of you that know me this does not mean that I hit a physical wall again. I learned not to do that after I broke my hand. Second, let me apologize now if my thoughts get away from me. I sometimes get a little wordy when I need to open up about something.
So what do I mean by "hitting a wall"? Well, like I said, it's not a physical wall, but a spiritual wall.
One of the things I always struggle with is this wall. It goes a little like this. I go to an alter, pray, tarry, and bam! I get things right with God. My heart feels free and my mind is cleared from all the garbage I've held in there. It is such an awesome feeling to know that God still cares enough to pick us up when we have fallen. Things are going great. I'm singing more, praising God more, and really looking for the good in every situation.
Now here is where things start to change. It's almost like I start running uphill. Like I'm trying to run up Mt. Everest blindfolded. I start to slow down and off in a distance, though I can't see it with my physical eyes, is that wall. Then out of no where, WHAM!!! I start to stagger backwards, and just so I can get my balance back, I stop, sit down, and ...
So, what happened? Why did I hit it this time? Looking at what I just wrote I think I just figured it out. I've been running blindfolded. So now what do I do? Here is where I have failed so many times before. In the past I have just sit there and waited until the dizziness wore off and the pain went away. Funny thing is that the pain never really goes away. I get angry at myself because I should have seen it coming. I know it's going to happen. I've hit this same wall about... OK seriously I have lost count. I've got to start doing things differently.
Suddenly in the back of my mind I hear a small voice saying, "You know what you need to do." But I can't get past the anger I feel towards myself. What's sad is that I do know what to do, I just feel so unworthy because I have let this thing happen again.
So here is what I know to do. I have to ask Jesus for help and strength and then trust that he will do just that. This is sometimes difficult for me. I have a hard time trusting someone else when I know that I am not trustworthy.
If you can in any way relate to what I have written or you know of someone that has this same struggle, will you pray for us. Pray that God will help us remove the blindfolds so we can see what lies in front of us. Keep us in your hearts and prayers.
Now, I'm going do things differently. Loving Father, I come to you as a battered and beaten person. Lord, I have slammed into that same wall again because I keep putting that blindfold on. I know that on the other side of that wall there has got to be something spectacular because the enemy is making sure I don't get there. Precious Jesus, I ask you for Your strength to remove this blindfold and let me see that wall for what it really is through Your eyes. And then Lord, I ask for the ability to go past that wall to see what is on the other side. Lord, I'm telling myself that with You I can do this. I am going to do something different, I am going to trust You and trust that I can start running this race and that You will remove this blindfold from my eyes and allow me to see that obstacle and that with Your strength I will overcome it. Thank you Lord, and in the name of Jesus I pray and say, Amen.
Please, pray that prayer for me and for your friends that have been in this same situation and even for yourself. Agree with me that God can do it. According to scripture...
18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
Thank you and May God bless you.
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