ADMIRATION + INFACTUATION (enveloped in) COMMITMENT = TRUE LOVE.

Admiration to infatuation then Love, where are you in your relationship?

1) Admiration: 1 : an object of esteem

First we are attracted to someone by viewing them with some sort of "value". This comes in many different forms; companionship, sexual intent, intellectual capabilities, financial support, common likes, spiritual insight etc. Whatever admiration it may be it causes us to react to them (some call chemistry) and moves us into an action. Admiration launches our desire for courtship a union of some sort. From this admiration; we create a friend or/and a sexual partner or someone with the potential for a life partner, marriage.

Sooner or later the natural flow of your "time" spent together (different for everyone) will present the next step and your "emotions" will desire to get involved. This desire to move to the NEXT step does expose the intent of the persons heart; although it can be uncomfortable you will find out a persons intention with you and motives immediately. If you happen to be the one that desires to move ahead (in any way) and the other is not ready, this can be very painful for the one desiring this "next step", if the other party is not ready. If you hear (or something equating to this); "I am not ready" they are telling you they ONLY admire you (it's only at this point – remember it could change) and have not chosen to make this next step with you; They appreciate you (admiration) but are not yet willing to give more than what they want to; in time, physically, emotionally, commitment etc. Although we may be unaware as to the "why"…something inside us feels we are being rejected or the one rejecting. You are no longer equally yoked and will find at this point a struggle will begin. The "wise" individual will decide to leave the relationship, due to they are not willing to wait or take a step back and accept the terms (what ever the other person is offering) compromise and continue in admiration with them. There is nothing wrong with this, our timing is what makes us individuals and we all move at different paces. If this response is respected, you will keep this "one" as a friend if you desire and most importantly it will also save you from a painful unnecessary breakup later.

RELATIONSHIPS in society: Men are most often accused with lack of emotion in relationships, though there is some statistics that back this statement, I do believe men are just better and compartmentalizing their emotions. Reality is ever on their minds. This reality comes from upbringing and ideals that force men to view their lives first based on “natural provision” being the most important and be responsible because they are the “MAN” and need to take care of their family. Women are emotional and default to make decisions based on feelings, because of their upbringing and ideals to “care” for their family’s needs physically/emotionally. This is just society’s view imparted as our “first” important responsibility, thus creating a man without emotion and a women full of emotion. This is the reason men have been the decision makers in the past. It’s not that they are better at decisions it’s just they have been trained to compartmentalizing their emotions. But, decisions set "in" reality with a balance of emotion statistically create overall the best decision and establish healthy boundaries. I know a few women who have also mastered “compartmentalizing” (I am not talking protect-anger separation) and due to this is why they have healthy relationships and are good decision makers. I also know men who have broken the traditions of men and choose to use their skill of compartmentalizing with emotion as its stability and have become every woman’s DREAM, a man of balance.

*For the one desiring to move ahead and feeling rejected; IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER this rejection is not about them not admiring you; they DO or wouldn't be calling you, pursing you, not wanting to let you go, noticed you in the first place. YES, even if it's just for sex…. they are attracted to something... LOL... Be flattered. Learn to compartmentalize your emotions (submit them to GOD) walk in balance (self control) be secure in who you are; GOD made you and you are beautiful. You and God are in control of your choices and you need to choose at this point what you are going to do. If you consider this person "mate" material….this may save your relationship and you will move forward or back together (equally yoked), a healthy foundation will be established in boundaries and respect. NOTE: you are in charge not the victim! You can tell them GOODBYE and that you’re not interested in being there sex slave or wait until they siphon through a hundred more people to make sure you're good enough, what ever your reason is (Or, you can use this opportunity to siphon yourself this is your choice). No crying allowed; only YOUR pride will be hurt. Better than lost years of waiting in denial; we only move forward if we want to and anything forced will soon or later retreat anyway. Like the famous saying “if you let go and it comes back it was yours” Better now than after the FORCED "I DO". DON’T set yourself UP for later when they say “I want a divorce you trapped me” or you catch them in an affair. Make a balanced decision.

*For the one that says “I am not ready” the one rejecting; DON’T waver or have guilt. You have to choose what is best and reality for you. If you don’t you will end up in a relationship you don’t want to be in and regret it later and/or lash out and YOU will loose respect for them. You will HURT-deceive them because you used them to for fill you needs at that time in spite of their desire for more. IF you can find someone to agree to your program and that they have accepted and acknowledged their understanding of your “I am not ready” and still chooses to stay then…. go for it! If the complain later they are the ones to blame. BUT, PLEASE BE CAREFUL that they REALLY have accepted this and are just not agreeing to you because they don’t want to loose you and are hoping you will change or they can manipulate you into changing your mind. You are walking on thin ICE no matter what because they have already told you they want to move forward, meaning they are getting emotionally involved. ONLY a remnant can really accept this take the step back and do it in a healthy way. You may lose this person because you choose to not make the next step with them and meet them in their needs. A relationship is both people coming together in unity and when they do, they will receive the benefits that go with that decision, what ever that is. You are responsible for your choices and or choices you DON’T make, BOTH will reap a harvest in your life. Choose carefully be honest and upfront ABOUT EVERYTHING and make a BALANCED decision. UNFORTUNTLY, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too....if you know what I mean.

Some choose this next step of infatuation because they and/or you can’t be alone and PUSH the relationship forward. The fear of being alone is more than the fear of a false relationship. So you choose to live in denial of your true feelings for them and convince yourself this is the “right” thing because you and are ruled by your loneliness. This will only to END in your greatest fear of loneliness no one is that good of an actor and sooner or later you will be faced with the next “step” of commitment and you will be exposed.

You NOW have communicated your positions and if both individuals are in agreement the relationship will END or stay at admiration or progress to “NEXT STEP” Infatuation. THIS IS THE BIGGY …the next step everyone talks about. It is saying "let's go here" and “let's try it". At this point is usually when you make those phone calls and say "I have a girlfriend/boyfriend".

2) Infatuation: 1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment
2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration

Who would of thought that this was the definition of infatuation, but it is. This sounds just like the way we are in the beginning stages of a committed relationship; foolish, extravagant in every way. We are working our way into LOVE the first steps. Your girlfriend/boyfriend consumes your world, time, money, thoughts, cell phone texts. Physically the desires increase and you can barely control yourself. YOU have decided to “give in” to our emotional side accepting the connection as a good thing. This is a great “step” and should be full of experiencing each other in a greater way and emotionally becoming one and continuing to in admiration for each other. This step is beautiful and what causes us to desire each other even more. Without it we would not become “one” in every area. This is where you solidify your admiration in its entirety and accept the person in their entirety. Trust is established and expectations solidified. If you don’t retreat and walk “yoked together “, in honesty and respect you will have a healthy relationship and build a foundation adding to your admiration to the point it may lead to true LOVE the final “step”.

Infatuation is very volatile; it is full of passion and emotion. Excitement is building and fantasy and expectations begin. If we do not continue to compartmentalize our emotions and walk in balance “yoked together” with our partner in our expectations of the relationship, we will destroy our relationship in this “step” so quickly almost as soon as the decision was made to take the “next step”. Emotions are running HIGH and therefore everyone involved is usually overly sensitive because they are NOW vulnerable to be hurt. They have invested their time, money, emotion and physical to this relationship. This is terrifying to us to live in this state of vulnerability. Unfortunately most as statistics say over HALF of us (divorce rate) should have called it quits and stayed in admiration. BUT…MOST STAY IN INFATUATION AND NEVER MOVE TO THE “NEXT STEP” OF LOVE, thinking all the time they are in LOVE. Society has convinced us infatuation is Love the movies, media etc. It is true that this “step” has the most dramatic effect on our lives our body physiologically even responds to this “state of union” and it “state” does wear off after time. Many are lost in infatuation this state of union with someone and haven’t considered the consciences of infatuation. It is SO wonderful to be lost in OUR emotions “in love” (we think). There is a longing inside of us to be 'FREE", without restraints. Filling our fleshly desires for passion and it gives us a feeling of false security, cared for….what every man or women desires. BUT, THIS IS NOT LOVE in its entirety, it is only a step towards it. If infatuation is not self-controlled we live in this “state of union” and it roots selfishness and we become fools as the definition states and we live out our lives serving "US" and will never know true LOVE. We become addicted to this foolishness (the pleasure false LOVE) causing adrenal- (infatuation) junkies. This can even lead to, opening the door for GREATER outburst of passion, stemming into our natural life as work out freaks, drugs, partying, sex or work alcoholics or alcoholics' drinking to "Escape" into this “state of union” any way we can LIVE with our emotions in excess and unrestrained a FALSE state of LOVE. We can sacrifice our bodies like prostitutes to continue this false feeling of love. OUR bodies physiologically become addicted to this “state of union” this false Love. This will cause destruction to our lives and others and will cause us to make wrong choices, like a drug addict. When faced with “life” time commitment it threatens our infatuation our “state of union” or confronts our false motives and or manipulation and we will attack or run because it will threaten or infatuation feelings and cause us to again be responsible and balance out our emotions with REALITY! We will destroy the relationship because it will force us to make sound judgments and confront our selfishness. If we are not ready for change in our selves which intimacy and relationships “in unity” will produce. We will reject the other individual and sabotage the relationship. We may begin to violently nag and control or ignite crazy jealous behavior anything to resist Love the “next step”. If we don't willing fully move forward we will end up destroying this relationship and end up alone again. We will have failure in our relationships this is a false perception of LOVE. We will choose the same wrong person OVER AND OVER that creates this infatuation “state of union” in US this "SELF" emotion in us. This cycle will continue and you will go through person after person and never find LOVE.

You also may find in this next step you are living as an “idealistic” your perception of this person is not really THEM. Love is BLIND and you are in LOVE with LOVE and you will change them into this ideal person you have created in your head. During infatuation you implement your plan of the GREAT “makeover” and you destroy any real admiration you had. Your become obsessed with this “make over” to protect your idealistic fantasy. This becomes a Love hate VERY ABUSIVE relationship the one being made over loves you at times and hates you at times. But, in the process you are no longer “equally yoked” and one will become the dominate and “control” the other and the other will “rebel”. This will destroy any relationship sooner or later depending on how passive or aggressive the people involved are. It also opens a HUGE DOOR for CHEATTING…we will ALL look for someone that will EXCEPT US for who we are and in desperation to hold on to our TRUE self we will even compromise our morals. The one abusing “controlling” will lose all respect for the one they control.

NOTE: UNFORTUNTLY you will find lot's of type "A" living there life in this section!

OR we will…..choose to grow together, walk in unity “equally yoked” and experience another part of the relationship, the reason for LIFE; to be loved and accepted forever. TO FALL IN TRUE LOVE and go to the next step…

3) Love: 1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties b : an assurance
2 : attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another:

Admiration and infatuation are the foundation of Love! Although they both have their entrapments…Without these attributes TRUE Love is not even possible. When both of these are in place a desire to Love is prompted by our (admiration and infatuation) ... we want MORE and we don't want it to leave!! "Me" becomes "US" forever.
Love is not just an emotion it's a choice not a warm fuzzy feeling of just infatuation and complete admiration! We "choose" to make the next step to LOVE and tie together our admiration (natural) and infatuation (emotional) with devotion – commitment.
We then will become ardently dedicated to keeping this attachment which caused unselfishness and opened the door for unity, change in our lives. Where two become one and BECOME better individually. Causing mutual loyalty and assurance (trust) in your relationship.

ADMIRATION + INFACTUATION (enveloped in) COMMITMENT = TRUE LOVE. Against this LOVE there is no one that can destroy it..... But "US". We only can stay in "LOVE" by living daily this equation.

BONUS: BE WHAT YOU DESIRE; don’t let your perception of yourself be higher than reality. For instance you are 60 and won’t date anyone unless they are in their 20’s, you are poor and demand someone rich, you are on a “looks” scale a 6 and expect a 10, you are fat and deserve a model. If that is what you want “BE” that…or lower your standard and live in reality and except that “normal” is the MAJORITY of us and is ok for you and for your desired mate. Most pretty people are a pain in the ass anyway. J

Cliff note version and JUST MY OPINION…Book to come…BLESSINGS in ALL your relationships, may they “ LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER”

www.yourlovetherapy.com Kapsalis 2007 Copyright All Rights Reserved.

Lee