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| Me? A Bad Attitude? |
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Ummm YEAH. I suspect (ok, ok, I KNOW it) that the very fact that I thought "Hey I'm entitled to the occasional bad attitude at this point in my life!" means the study Pastor Bob chose for our next bible study group is perfect for me. Waahhhhh (sigh) As if life weren't challenging enough right now. Let's go making it a time of growth.
OK, Fine God I get the hint!
Haven't even made it through the Introduction of "Lord Change my Attitude (before it's too late)" and have already had some OUCH moments.
... Alright, I just got hiccups for the 4th time today! Distracting and annoying. ...
Back to the topic:
The author paraphrases Numbers 12:26-29 "All the grumblers ... they're going down!" Oh yay! That makes me want to keep reading. I said I got the hint, don't keep slapping me. Grumble and die in the desert? Wander a year for every day you grumbled?
OK, so God doesn't like the grumbling 14:27 How long [shall I bear with] this evil congregation, which murmur against me? I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel, which they murmur against me. and I'm guessing even my eye rolling "Oh come on Lord!" counts the same as grumbling.
I'm in TROUBLE!!!
OK, ok, I'm going to go read. I'll be back though. I've got enough desert without making it any worse or longer than it has to be.
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Last night was the first meeting on this study. It was a lot of fun. I'm still struggling with the idea of going after the change with "urgency" though. I'm kind of urgencied out.
As I dug into the first two chapters I found myself saying "OUCH!" often. Each time my husband would ask what I was ouching about...when I read to him he'd cringe and tell me not to read the book. LOL
I just have to figure out how I want to pray about this...because sometimes getting what you ask for is scary. |
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I missed this one the first time around. Sounds like an interesting study...and very introspective. I personally like Bill's response, though...of course, if you don't know where it hurts, it is hard to fix it.
Keep us posted as you go through this. You don't have to share the "ouches" with us, but please share the "ah-hahs". |
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LOL Oh I don't mind sharing the ouches...the "ah-hahs" might be a while in coming. Although I'm already finding myself really TRYING to find things to be thankful about at the moments I least feel that way.
Like today when we got approval to restart chemo, only to have it cancelled again. I just felt exhausted, and like giving up. In my head I was a little angry thinking "What the heck am I supposed to be THANKFUL for right now God?!? I don't get it!"
Then I thought...ok I can be thankful Bill has a doctor who doesn't take chances with her patients. I can be thankful she is back from vacation and we aren't dealling with strangers anmore. I can be thankful we'll spend hours tomorrow getting tests done tring to find the source of the problem.
But you know what? I am glad for those thing but I don't really feel thankful...a little relieved, a lot worried, so tired I keep losing my brain, but not thankful. That makes me sad.
11:1 And the people were as murmurers, `speaking' evil in the ears of Jehovah: and when Jehovah heard it, his anger was kindled; and the fire of Jehovah burnt among them, and devoured in the uttermost part of the camp. The book uses this verse in reference to complaining about adversity. I don't know...inside I don't think I complain about what my life is right now. Though I'm open and honest about exactly what the situation is...
But maybe that is complaining, I'm certainly not feeling thankful, or joyous.
So there lies my biggest OUCH so far...these words:
"God is directly affected when He hears our complaining and our wrong attitudes, beacause complaing questions God's sovereignty! To complain is to say in effect; 'God, You blew it! You had a chance to meet my expectations, but you couldn't handle it! Nice try, God, close but not close enough.'"
THAT MAKES MY HEART HURT!!! |
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Well we've switched to just covering one chapter a week, for which I am very grateful! Plus we have the next two weeks off :)
Last week we discussed covetous attitudes. I kept trying to decide if there were things I truly covet. I'm still not sure about that. Most of the time even if there are things I'd like to have or do I can instantly also see the disadvantages that come with those things.
You'd think with Bill's cancer I'd covet wealth. And SURE, wealth would have its advantages, but it also comes with a whole host of its own complications. Plus, it would be useless. All the money in the world can't buy a cure that doesn't exist. I'd probably be MORE frustrated if I had those kinds of resources and still couldn't do anything.
I'm generally not a fan of the word content. In this though I am happy to find I am content and thankful for exactly what God has given me.
Blessed be
Virginia |
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Last week's chapter was both a challenge and an eye opener for me. Replacing a covetous attitude with an attitude of contentment.
That's a word I have always struggled with. The dictionary defines it as "being satsified with what you have, not wanting mroe or anything else, agreeing, assenting" But it's always seemed to me that society uses the word incorrectly, they use it in place of complacency "a feeling of quite pleasure or security often while unaware of of some potential danger, defect, or the like"
The dictionary also lists one more definition of content one it terms "archiac" and it is that one that fits having a attitude of contentment and makes me excited to be able to say "I am content." That definition is one simple word, "willing."
I am willing to live exactly the life God has given me, with exactly the resources he has provided while still striving to be who/what he created me to be. Ready, WILLING, and most importantly ...able. It was an eye opener to really understand that being content did not mean giving up and sitting still. Does not mean stagnation. Rather it means being ever willing to be in God's service and active in his plans.
I LOVE THAT!
The different perspective has meant great changes in our household. It brought an awareness that changed the effects of Bill's cancer journey from feeling like a prison term to something very peaceful. I'm not even going to try to explain it ... its a huge blessing though.
I've got two weeks to read the next chapter...good thing because it's gonna HURT. "Replacing a critical attitude" I readily admit to being highly critical (though seldom actually give it voice) and having struggled my whole life with reminding myself that everyone in the world does not have to do things to my standards.
Huh, thought I was going to type that I just wasn't ready to pray that God changes this in me. Then suddenly I was! OK Lord, BRING IT ON! |
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Seems like forever since I've been in here to post. During July we ended up only meeting for bible study once so haven't gotten much further. We did meet this past Thursday and it was HARD! The chapter we covered was about having a critical attitude.
Had you asked me I'd have told you I wasn't a particularly critical person. Naturally analytical, yeah can't deny that. Well, after reading the chapter I can't deny critical either. (sigh) Couldn't have picked an easy study huh?
I rarely if ever voice criticism towards others unless that ask. But this chapter made me realize that the very fact I am constantly reminding myself that I cannot hold other people to my standards is in essence critiquing them whether I actually say it or not. OUCH!! Worse it made me realize that the one person I do criticize ... a LOT ... MAYBE doesn't deserve it. The criticism of them has simply become a habit born out of unforgiveness.
Serious, SERIOUS ouch time with that.
I've been so busy being critical of this person the past few years I don't even have a clue who they may have become during that time. (I also realize they reverse is true as well...their attitude keeps them from seeing ME as I am now.) Well, that's just a mess! A very ungodly mess.
I'm not required to like this person, or trust them, or be friends with them...but I AM required to love them and forgive them no matter what. I'm actively stopping myself and changing the course of my thoughts when this person comes to mind ... a big first step. We'll see where God takes things from here.
This weeks chapter is about replacing that attitude with a loving one.
I haven't started reading yet.
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