Let’s talk about fear. Fear as a primal response for self-protection.. The fight or flight instinct is not what I’m referring to. For fear has been and remains a very cool survival tool.

What I am rambling on about is the irrational, subconscious, mental fears that prevent us from living in and accepting the fullness of God’s promises. Fear keeps us paralyzed, muted, fear keeps us stymied in divisions and polarized. Fear.

I see images... cliche at that.. of crabs in a basket, ostriches heads. I see misogyny, racism, the fear of poor people. (which has no -ism), homophobia. I see people clenching the things in their lives so tightly that they fail to be aware of what this is doing to themselves and others in their lives. In fact I see fear as the single most destructive mental disease at the moment.

I know fear. I know fear of physical danger, I know fear of public humiliation, I know the fears embedded in being a parent, I know fear of not being able to pay bills, of failure, of success, of not being worthy, of not being deserving, I know fear of change, of being wrong, being over-weight, being unattractive, of not living up to the expectations God has of me.

It has taken me a long time to realize that fear is against God’s plan for me... why do I know this... let’s see what God has said about this....

Isaiah 35:3-5: Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you." Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.”

Psalm 27:3: Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

Psalm 34:4: I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears

Isaiah 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Lamentations 3:57: You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear."

Malachi 3:5: "So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty.

Romans 8:15: For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father.

1 John 4:18:There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

2 Timothy 1:7: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

And I add, that is by no means all of what God has said about it...

It’s funny in that ironic, not funny way... I heard Jesus call me to follow him... and whatever fears I had... seemed to vanish in a peace and confidence I had never known.. Only to be replaced by all new and improved fears. You see...when you feel God's call upon your heart to speak, to arise...to follow... it's a scary gig. You know you will be changed, you know you will have to do things differently. And... so enters the new fears. Oh, sure old ones all dressed up... I knew them, I recognized them. Thankfully God has never asked me to do this alone. He sent His Son to forgive my sins, as well as to be my friend and teacher, he sent His Spirit as a source of power and correction, and filled my heart and life with His Love and Grace.

I’m still afraid. Yet now I feel compelled to say things, to do things... and although I have never had an issue of appearing out-spoken.. It’s now with words that don’t seem all together mine, it’s with an authority I cannot claim as my own. And all too often, I’m reminded of the words...

Matthew 13:15: For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.

I’ll give you a coin with examples from both sides... My son was about 4 years old. We were grocery shopping, a never-ending chore that, frankly, I’m tired of doing. And in the non-whispered- whisper voice of a 4 year old I heard my son, as did all the people in line, say, ‘Look at that man in the chair with wheels Mommy’ And as my thoughts turned to ..oh all those things .. Basically represented with the prefix of no... don’t... He pipes up with... ‘We need to go talk to him’ . Horrified I watched him dart over to the guy in the ‘chair with wheels’. I arrived quickly behind him, yes, losing my place in a very long line... just in time to hear him ask... ‘Why’.. .’How’.... But his tone was so sweet, so compassionate.. like a 4 year old... that the man grabbed my hand, my son’s hand and told us how he had failed to shoot at an enemy while in Operation Desert Storm and had instead been shot in the lower spine, rendering him unable to walk. He spoke of faith, with tears streaming down his face, right there in the middle of the grocery store. My son kept patting his arm.. I was too humbled to speak . The man thanked us for speaking to him, explaining of his new invisibility as a handicapped person and that he welcomed such kind acknowledgment. We had quite a moment, a God moment right there next to the potatoes and onions ... My son spoke when I was too fearful to do so.

Now.. Let’s flip that coin... about 5 years ago I had (yet another) profound experience of God by way of laying on of hands. It was .. .pure love. (You can read about it here... http://www.mychurch.org/mcafees/blog?PID=2) The first person I told this to, was of course, my mom. Her immediate words were.. ‘Oh, Lord, Laura, don’t tell anyone about that.. That’s too weird” oh.. I love my mom... but ya know what? I didn’t tell anyone.I was too afraid of what others would say, what they would think. I was one of those people in the bible that after having seen and heard God.. did not run to my community to share. It wasn’t until coming to a church, a church where people were growing more comfortable each day with talking about what God was doing, until after being introduced to healing prayer and being asked to help start a ministry of prayer, that I felt compelled to speak. The responses have been all God. It felt very much like God had been waiting for me to speak so that others could hear and know God.

God is so at work in this world...

Who are we to be silent, to be too fearful to follow God into His mission to save and bless this world. Who are we to stymy God's plan (which is impossible, thankfully) by doing church as normal, by clinging to what is comfortable, what is familiar rather than let go and trust God.

It is not God who is messing up this world, allowing children to go hungry, allowing people to be hurt, abused, demeaned, it is not God who bangs the drums of war and kills millions, it is not God who choses to fight about budgets and leadership models... it's people. Us brave and courageous people too fearful to let God be in control.