| I'm Preparing You For Myself |
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The Lord is changing me. And part of me is scared by this. Scared that it will make me less likeable, that I will become someone I don't recognize. At the same time I want to be changed. Because I know that what God wants me to become can only be somethng ultimately good for me, good for the world. Not that I am so wonderful--but because God is so wonderful. So if he wants to change me then I'm ready to be changed. Because I know that I am better as His child than I am when I'm running around doing my own things. I want more for myself than what I have. And I believe in my heart of hearts that the more I seek is in Christ Jesus. I've been sad and lonely and resentful as if God owed me somethiing when I've done nothing. When God gave me the greatest gift--His son to die for my sins which are plenty and too numerous and humiliating to list.
So many times I have felt like giving up. The burden of everything so heavy, the fear of the unknown to unbearable to go into. But the idea, "I'm preparing you for myself." Well, hey, if God wants me, wants me just as I am right now and says, "Okay, I want you, but you're not ready quite yet, I'm going to prepare you to be mine" Then I say YES. I say YES because I know this is right. Because I'm not afraid to be a child of God anymore. I want more than what I have and now I see that He's preparing me. And even though it scares me sometimes, I know I am headed n the right direction
When I was in high school I was a pretty insecure person. And that persisted for quite a while. I tended to change myself to fit whatever I thought was either expected of me or allowed me to get what I thought I wanted. It's only recently that I've been comfortable being myself--being myself all the time--and realizing and being okay with the fact that being myself means yes some people will like me and some people will not. The most important thing though is that I knew if I was true to me I would always have me. More importantly, if I am true to what God wants me to be, If I walk according to what He says is right for me, then I know that I'm okay. I mean, I still get scared, I still get sad, I still have all the feelings that a person experiences as they live but I'm more okay with that each day. These are still thoughts I'm working through in my head. Trying to think out what this will ultimately mean for me. But I'm okay not knowing. I'm okay just trusting right now.
26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
1 Corinthians 1:26-30 |
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