Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer.  The only problem is that Chuck Norris has never cried.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the needle, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.  Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin on his computer.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Anyway, as you can see, I was out of neat and philosophical things to say today, so I thought humor would be a good approach.  I hope you enjoyed these thoughts as much as I did.  If not, that's perfectly fine, too.  In fact, my wife doesn't think they're all that funny. :)