I prayed and found a new neurologist!  Before I went in I asked God to give this Dr. wisdom that none of the others have seen over the years. (Aaron, my sister and I have been praying but I was still scared.  I made 2 appointments but cancelled them (scared- they all want to put me back on stuff I can go back on!) This Dr. went through everything... everything... (He even stood outside the room and turned the lights out so I sould cover my face (Light hurts me BAD! Sometimes I have to do everything in darkness or in candlelight even my painting! Even sitting on the comp hurts and I can only do it if I have my meds.)  He pulled all of my MRI's and CAT scans and what not and then did some more testing and it is not just my TN (Tic Doloroux) But...

   The condition that I have has also been called "Sucides Disease"- Harvard Medical says it is the most pain the human body can edure without dying... so most people kill themselves...JUST TO GET RID OF THE PAIN!  I however have a BIGGER GOD and can daily consider all things pure joy- even in trails.

   For those of you who do know (Most of you don't )I already had one brain surgery, now they tell me I am going to have to have another brain surgery... I just found out yesterday.  Please pray! My last one took a lot of blood transfussions etc... and ... well... before they do the brain surgery I need to have another surgery done- (If you read my blogs...I spend a lot of time in the ER).  Apparently I have a sinus disease that has been eating at my  brain (the frontal part- I was crying and could not get it all, I was by myself and should not have drove alone- I was also trying to avoid going to ER AGAIN!), it has been eating at all of my facial and teeth and jaw and has gone behind my eyes as well...  So before my brain surgery, I need to have a surgey to remove all the diseased tissue and stop all od the infectons that it has been causing to the frontal part of my brain and face etc... Please pray that the Nuro surgeon and the Dr.'s that see me from this point that God give them wisdom just like He did with this Dr.

   Dr's seem to treat me in two ways A. they want to just dope me up, send me to pain specialist and make me live like a druggred out freak who can barely speak because I am so drugged up! or B. Because my body is "wired for sound" I have so many extra nerves, teeth, and so many weird things just about my body and brain in and of itself, they treat me like they would a "lab rat" in one of their studies because for them "it's fun and intresting to see what happens when..."

   I have already planned my funeral once!  I personally am not afraid to die- I know where I am going :0)  However I have 5 young men that are still in need of a mom!  If the Lord were to come and take us all home right now together and we were to ALL rise to meet him in the air I COULD not be happier!  Otherwise, no one can replace a mom to my 5 teenage men.  God Blessed me with them and it is my job (I am not perfect mind you...) to finish what HE gave me to do :0)  Not only that... God sent me an awesome man, I want to be planning a wedding and not a funeral! (I don't look very good when they shave my head and put stiches 38 stappels across my head... I wonder if that silver will still shine through the veil?  Aaron said "That's O.K. I'll shave my head too!LOL)

If I could have some prayer from my friends here... I would appreciate it.  Thank You :0)  All of you here are like my extended family you know... I will be going through out my day and one or two of you will pop in my head and I will begin praying for you and thinking about whatever trials your facing or something funny you posted.... etc...

Thank you