| God really spoke to me this morning. He definiately used our preacher to speak to me. I want so much to not feel so bad all the time and it gets harder and harder as this summer goes on. I want to just be me. does that sound so bad? have you ever woke up in the morning and just said I want to be me today and not have to deal with all of the junk the world puts on you. my keys are sticking really bad, I cant use the enter or the m or the question mrk button without having to operate onthe key board afterward. so if there are typo's I a m sorry. I get so run down and want to do so much more. I used to be a isomniac and never slept more than about 4 hours a night, now I could sleep til noon and go to bed at 9 and still need a nap to be able to handle every day things. I have conquered so many things in my life. overcome obstacles and over come the what could haves,,, I dont know if I can bet this. I get so scared when things happen, and I hate to show it. I am constantly afraid that I will let my kids down, they will see me as a failure if I cant overcome this. I wish I had Job here as a role model,, although his pain was far greater than mine is he was a shiny example of the burden and the resolution that Christ can bring. I want to be strong, I want to start the ministries that I feel led to do, but why bother.He is the healer right, I look at my kids and I can see that. they have each had a healing, and we as a family believe, will I have mine. I get so worn and so run down I cant see straight, and yet i still want to be normal. I want to feel like playing and doing. I am just tired and in pain, I just need Him, and a few answers. Good night for now. |
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