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| Forgiveness. Goodbye. |
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I feel like they're really similar. And lately I've been dealing with both.
I really feel like both are impossible concepts to accomplish on your own strength. At least that's what I've found in my life.
One always leads to the other. My dad moved to Florida, so I said goodbye, then I got bitter and had to forgive him. My first boyfriend broke up with me so I had to say goodbye and forgive him. My mom's "boyfriend" waltzed into my life, just as quickly walked out, and returned. I said goodbye.........he expected forgiveness.
You have to let go.
That's what I feel like it's about.
Forgiveness means letting go of the past, the hurt, the control, and goodbye means letting go of the person and possibly the relationship.
I'm finding that's where my struggle lies..........................letting go.
But. If I'm letting go, doesn't that just mean God's holding on?
That's what I'd like to believe.
So is that not better?
Yes.
Than why is it still so hard?
I get angry with myself simply because I know better.
I'm getting better at this whole forgiveness thing. It seems now that I've forgiven my father I can forgive anyone. I think it's the goodbye part that's the most upsetting.
They're BOTH a part of LIFE.
And guess what part of life I'm at? The stupid college moving away part. So goodbyes are more popular than ever.
What's frightening is change. What's exciting is change. I know that God will provide. I know that I'll have to cling to Him. I know that I'm going to be out of my comfort zone which is going to allow for even more room for growth and for Him to transform ME. I think it's worse for me to be left here with all the memories and for my BEST FRIENDS to move on and make new ones. It's easier for them to forget, and for me to remember.
I don't want to hold on if they aren't.
I think I have chapters of the Bible that comfort me and give me strength on both subjects. For forgiveness, I think of John 21. I'm not going to post it, but you should definately check it out. Peter DENIES, REJECTS, ABANDONS....however you choose to look at it....Jesus THREE times. And Jesus welcomes him with open arms and without so much as an explanation. He clings to GOD. My favorite part about all that is not Jesus' response, but the fact that HE can relate. He gets it.
For goodbyes...I simply go back to the bird verse. Yeah, the bird verse. It starts at Matthew 6:25 and it's the one that talks about not worrying about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. (I've probably talked about it in a previous blog because it's my absolute fav.) 6:26 See the birds of heaven; they do not put seeds in the earth, they do not get in grain, or put it in store-houses; and your Father in heaven gives them food. Are you not of much more value than they?
That's my favorite part of the verse. And that's how I feel about goodbyes. We don't need to store up relationships here on Earth.....but we do. Guilty here.
So I should probably take my own advice and read those verses. I'm pretty settled on the whole forigiveness part, like I said...that's coming easier...what I'm unsettled about is the whole goodbye thing.
So thanks for reading....I didn't really have anything planned so it probably sounds a little random, but if you have any words of wisdom, I have open ears :).
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Jordan |
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July 11, 2007 at 8:57pm |
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| too bad i have such a think skull huh? |
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Jordan,
I'll come back to this later today, but, as one in their '50's, I have friends who have been there for 40 years, and 35, and 20, and on. I have family who are located all over the country, but will still do anything for me, and in all that, if I'm held in the memory of God...well, that's is life. I'll explain later, but good post, and rambling is allowed, it is your post and probably reflects how you talk to friends, and I right? |
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Jordan |
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July 12, 2007 at 1:46pm |
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| yeah that waaaaaaaaas pretty confusing. so i'm definately looking forward to your next comment. |
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Ok,
let me try to pull some thoughts together. One of the areas you "rambled" about was friendship, and people leaving, also the moving on that happens in life as you move into various phases of life. What I was trying to say was this, the true friendships follow you on through life. You may change locations, family status, jobs etc. , but certain friends will stay through all those things. You are presently at the hard part, you have many acquaintences, but friends are those who stay. Even at my advanced age it's much the same. I have a handfull, and count myself lucky. However, the real joy of faith is with God and his memory.
1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee; I have appointed thee a prophet unto the nations.
This verse is cited a lot to remind us that God knew us before time, we were held in the memory of God. I think that as we are held it compensates for those failures of friendship, those times when goodbye really does become goodbye. My person tells me that I never want to give up on anyone, yet God moves us into different periods of life, that person who was important in one time is less important in another, and may dissapear in another time period. Those people who were anchors in High School may become the person who holds us back in college. The real joy is when a relationship transcends times. That is a friendship to value. Then there is the other one that comes along in our life, that man, in your case, a woman in mine, who wraps up all that is important about friendship. They become the one who retires many of our fears of friendship, they become the one who encompasses friendship into love.
So anyway I am now rambling into other areas entirely. May I also add one thought on forgiveness? I myself have gone through some deep healing and forgiveness this last year, having to do with my former wife and former best friend who married this last year. I won't go into details, but God worked a real healing at Easter of '06. It prepared me for our family to be able to work together when our 20 year old, Daniel, was wounded in Iraq. Because God empowered me to forgive we were a team, other families we saw weren't so lucky. When one forgives one breaks things loose in the heavenlies, it's like one prophetically strikes at sin death and the devil and says, " I will rise above what you think of me, I am His child and He forgave, so I can forgive." I applaud you for your forgiveness, it is what allows true healing to start.
Did I clear up anything, or make things more confusing?
Dennis |
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Jordan |
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July 12, 2007 at 9:13pm |
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oh Dennis I enjoy you.
Thanks so much...sincerely!
I totally agree with you and I'm so looking forward to those experiences later on in life. I really value your advice, you sound like you have so much life experience. But, I do suppose that comes with age right?
About friendship....
I realize that I will have friendships that transcend and feel as if I may have found some. I'm looking forward to finding out. I hate giving up on people. In fact, I rarely do so because I used to hate it when people gave up on me. (I used to have a lot more walls around my heart that were extremely difficult for people to break into..not to mention God.) I do feel like God does want us to let go of people sometimes. Even if it's only for a season. Either they hold us back from His plan, or we are holding them back from His plan. However, I do believe that if God is the center of every relationship there can truly be no holding back. I guess I will figure that out with time. The thing that's helped me the most in friendships is the fact that I'm realizing that being vulnerable isn't that scary BECAUSE I am no longer vulnerable to THAT specific person, but to my God. Vulnerability isn't so much a fear issue any longer because it just brings me closer to the Creator. Does that make sense?
I'm pumped about the whole marriage part. The only worldly relationship that won't...or shouldn't end. I just pray that I will be at a point in my life where marriage, commitment, and that ultimate vulnerability will no longer be a fear. I believe that if I stick to God's plan for my life His peace and His love will surpass. I'm not in a hurry to feel that kind of love, but I am eager. You know?
Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me. I receive it as a gift. I'm am so glad that you yourself have received the gift of forgiveness. How freeing it can be and I'm sure God will honor and bless that. It's amazing how much space bitterness takes up in your heart.
I am truly encouraged by your words. Thanks again for sharing, I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better. I'll be gone on vacation for a week, but I'm going to keep you in my prayers. God bless! |
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This is a great blog! I am right there with you...19 yrs old, last year was my 1st away from home, and it was tough, Total culture shock! From big city to little country... I also momentarily struggle with both forgiving and goodbye. There has been countless people in my life that have "been there forever" then just LEFT! I had to realize that "goodbye's" are a part of life. And really, I don't like saying "goodbye", but rather "I'll see you later." Goodbye's have been tough, sad, good, and bad, but in the end (The word of God says, the end of a matter is greater than it's beginning.) I have learned from them all... And as tough, and many times uncomortable or rather unsettling as it may be... Goodbye's are un-escapable but only temporary. "After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every "goodbye" you learn..."
Goodbye's along with hurt have come in life. Sometimes not by any choice of mine or theirs. I had to decide within myself to forgive, wether they wanted, deserved it, or even cared wether or not I forgave them at all. I decided that It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on. There were so many times that I wanted an apology in order to forgive, then I realized, I am only wasting my own time. How silly is that.!?
Anyways...(beginning to babble...) Thank you for the reminder that everything is gonna be alright...
I needed that more than you know... |  |
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