|
| Only in Christ Can We Have Genuine Friendships With the Opposit Gender! |
|
| |
For most of my life I had no idea how to relate to women in any other way but with sex being in the forefront. Even for most of my Christian life I lived in fear of my own flesh and the sin that still dwells in the members of my body...because I felt that I still had to do something about it; to get a handle on it; to crucify it! The harder I tried the worse it seemed to get.
Besides the revelation that Christ is our righteousness, the greatest revelation I've had is the fact that God has already done something about "me"; about sin, about my flesh, and is now present in me to be that person I always wanted to be...not a changed Craig but an exchanged Craig. Craig is still the same person, in the flesh, that he always was, but that Craig has been immersed into the death of Jesus so that the life of Christ may now be manifest.
I am free from sin, I am free from law, I am free from the futile way of life inherited from my forefathers; but I am not free to live for Jesus, I am free to offer my members to God as slaves of righteousness; I am free to let my Lord Jesus Christ live his very life through me!
It is liberating to know that, in my flesh, there dwells no good thing...nothing about it has changed...but I am no longer "in the flesh" but in the Spirit because of what God has done in Christ! I cannot tell you the joy I have before the Lord to be able, in Christ, to look at my sisters in the Lord as being my sisters! Without living in constant fear because of what the flesh would still make of me; nor, equally important, not to fear the flesh of my sisters either, because I know that nothing good dwells in them, that is their flesh, any more that it does in mine. They too are no longer in the flesh but in the Spirit because Christ dwells in them.
It becomes a matter of letting Christ use each of us to encourage one another that we might see Him be made complete in each other. Until we see Him in each other, we are not really free to be friends because emotional bondage can develop where we see others as being our source rather than God in Christ. We can get into trouble because we fail to understand that the love and life we are receiving from our brothers and sisters is Christ in them, not just them!
It's an adventure for all of us to learn to walk, not by our mind and emotions, but by the Spirit of God. I'm genuinely thankful that I don't have to fear the gifts of others, nor the gender of others. I do however have to make sure that I do not make an opportunity for the flesh...either in my self nor in any of my other siblings. :-)
Yours in Him,
Craig |
|
| To add a comment to "Only in Christ Can We Have Genuine Friendships With the Opposit Gender!" |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| February 15, 2009 |
 |
|
|
Yeah, my brother, the flesh is a tricky thing.
I actually at one time, had to stop making, eye
contact, with the opposite sex, because the lack
of control, I use to have..good post. |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
Craig,
That is the attitude to have. Unfortunately, you need to have absolute - sold out - faith in the reality of that life. In other words, that's not something you can teach to people who need to see it before they can believe it. What you are describing is an effortlessly moral and upright life. Most people, I'm afraid, would disagree with you.
Most people I used to go to church with were convinced that life was supposed to be difficult. The preacher would get up and tell the congregation how hard it was to live the Christian life. Nobody believes that Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light. Everybody is killing themselves to "do their best for God".
Religion is like the gospel in reverse and upside down. What you believe is good news. What the world believes is religion.
Great work!
Rob |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
Yes, that's it Rob. Thanks for sharing too! There is a fight, but it is a fight of faith. Especially at first since we are not used to believing before we see! The flesh and spirit war with one another so that we cannot do as we please, the scripture says. There is a HUGE difference between defending a victory you already have and trying to achieve one you believe that you don't have!!! A small unit on a hill can hold it against a much larger force. Unfortunately, the majority of Christians are involved in a perpetual struggle in an attempt to achieve a victory already given, in Christ. This is not only futile but absolutely doomed to abject failure! When there, we live a life doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results! I trust that the Lord of glory will use us as instruments of grace to open the eyes of the blind and set the captives free! Appreciate you Rob! Again, thanks for sharing!
Craig |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
| Right. We def gotta use wisdom, kinda like you said "not make room for the flesh." I read a good book (except I believe masterbation is wrong and he doesn't). It's called "why some Christians commit adultery" and it's about spiritual adultery. Like sharing things with others of the opposite sex that are only meant for your spouse. also to shun all appearances of evil, like NEVER be alone with someone of the opposite sex unless it's like your dad or brother, or in your case, Mom or sister or daughter. You get me. So wisdom in all things for sure. I have to be careful because I've always been much more comfortable with male, where I grew up with brothers and was a tomboy and had struggles with my sexual identity, but I just make sure Mike (my hubby) knows about ppl, where I stand with them, and I make sure THEY know as well. And when some things are crossing the line; if a man discuses certain things with me I think are improper, I politely tell them. |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
Exactly Lara! The only woman I am ever alone with is my wife. That's because I don't trust flesh, in myself or in another. It isn't an issue of our personal "goodness" or "worth" and we should not allow ourselves to be painted into that corner. :-) He is our goodness and He won't allow an opportunity for the flesh if we listen to Him! :-) At one point in my life, as a single man, I had a friendship with a women where I was literally "one soul" with her in the "David and Jonathan" sense. That experience (it was like being with myself when I was with her and vice versa: beyond anything I've experienced in marriage) ended when she became engaged. In looking back, I think it was a grace given to help her stand against a man whom she had been traveling around the country with (a Canadian Christian as a matter of fact) who had been controlling her and dominating her (not sexually, but spiritually). It was a unique experience, but not a sexual one. In hindsight I wouldn't have allowed myself to be alone with her either if I had to do it over again. [Very long story here...can't go into it all here. :-)] Craig |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
Well now you're talking like my Sex Offender Therapy. I had to learn what "inappropriate" was. Whereas before my conviction, I didn't think doing stuff with women was any big deal. Now I do. The flesh is a slippery thing.
Now, if I'm in a room alone with a woman (who is not my wife), I'm at least aware of it. If I'm in a room with a female child, I'm almost panic stricken. I've gone from blissful ignorance to almost a phobic state. That's probably not real healthy either...
Honestly, though, I didn't get this way from reading the bible or going to church. This "sensitivity" came from years of psychotherapy. In fact, church folk are way too trusting with each other. I see youth pastors who are way more comfortable with teenage girls than I EVER was (and I'm a convicted sex offender). I'm not accusing anybody of anything but I could never and would never do that kind of job. (Thank God, eh?)
Temptation, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What would be totally inappropriate for a guy like me may be perfectly innocent for someone else.
Andy Stanley wrote a book called "The Best Question Ever". It's all about wisdom. Spending innocent time with members of the opposite sex is not a sin but it's not a good idea because of what it could lead to. I had to be in my freakin' 50's before I learned to appreciate that little gem of wisdom. Duh!
Lara, I never got to tell you how glad I am that you're back. We missed you like everything here at MyChurch.
Rob |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
Rob, go befriend me...or I, you. Thanks for the welcome back, bro! And yeah; you are so right about the trust thing. My son who is almost 3, was put at risk. The Lord showed me this person was having those thoughts, and I confronted the person, and they admitted they had a "flash" of a thought of when they were molested and had the thought of things while they changed my boy's diaper. I was more mad at my pastors than her. It got "resolved" more or less...or less. lol But it's like sticking someone in a bar that is a 'recovering' alcoholic. I realize God sometimes completely delivers some ppl from it ,but not everyone! I do NOT trust men alone with my boy, even though this was actually a woman with him, but I already knew not to trust her, because God gave me that discernment. Craig, I hijacked your blog! Pay back! hahahaha! Love ya "daddy". I just read the thing about David and Jonathan this morning. |
|
|
| February 25, 2009 |
|
|
|
| P.S. the above story happened in my church's nursery. Well, it was my church til 2 weeks ago. |
|
|
| February 26, 2009 |
|
|
|
Thanks for being transparent Rob! You wrote:
Well now you're talking like my Sex Offender Therapy. I had to learn what "inappropriate" was. Whereas before my conviction, I didn't think doing stuff with women was any big deal. Now I do. Rob, at what point did you come to the Lord? Was that before or after your "conviction" (or did you mean: conversion)? You continued:
Honestly, though, I didn't get this way from reading the bible or going to church. This "sensitivity" came from years of psychotherapy. OK, now things are getting interesting! :-) Again, was the years of psychotherapy before or during the time that you were walking with the Lord? If it was after, how did you get to the place where the grace of God wasn't teaching you to deny ungodliness and worldly lust? What's your conversion story? Did you fall away (like me) at some point? You make the excellent point:
Temptation, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What would be totally inappropriate for a guy like me may be perfectly innocent for someone else. The flesh has many manifestations...some of them are socially acceptable. I'm really curious about your self image here Rob. Have you come to the point where your are renewing your mind to the fact that "Rob" the sex offender has been executed! That person cannot change, will not change, and cannot be reformed...he was of the Old mankind that has been dealt with on the cross (the place of execution), in Christ. Have you begun to think of yourself as being an entirely new creation in Christ, rather than as "Rob, the sex offender?" But as Christ himself, in Rob? Of course, there is the lifetime balance we walk between what we were, in the flesh (the flesh being what it is forever), and who we now are in Christ. We are constantly having to put our faith in the One who is our goodness and also in the fact that our flesh with "its" passions and desires has been executed [crucified], and that we are alive to God in Christ. I'm interested in where you are in this process; whether you know these "facts" because you've read Romans, and whether they have begun to really get from your head into your heart. I also admit that I have absolutely no confidence in psychotherapy because psychologist are attempting to change flesh. Anyway, thanks for sharing Rob!
Craig |
|
|
| February 26, 2009 |
|
|
|
Craig,
Like you, I was a backslider. But also like you, when Jesus brought me back, He taught me a new reality (a far better reality).
I was baptized into Christ at age 18 (almost 19) in the summer of 1974. I had been raised Catholic so I had had some teaching. Catholics believe is something they call Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the saints, the Pope, etc. A lady I worked with gave me a bible (The Living Bible) and I started reading it... from the beginning. I kinda gave up my sequential approach to bible reading along about the book of Leviticus. It was very tedious.
I started working at Children's Hospital, in the housekeeping department on second shift. I met a guy who worked in the security department as a security officer. He was studying to be a preacher at a local bible college. He was from the church of Christ and (naturally) he taught me about baptism. He eventually baptized me in the swimming pool in his apartment complex. He told me to attend a church of Christ in my area (he was from out of town), which I did.
I was very impressed with the people in the church of Christ. They seemed to know the bible like the backs of their hands. I wanted that for myself. So I studied what they studied. I believed like they believed.
Although I'd read great books about Nicky Curz and Teen Challenge, the church taught me that God didn't give spiritual gifts to people anymore. That all ended with the apostles (and those on whom the apostles had lain hands). We didn't speak in tongues, heal the sick, or do any of the miracles I kinda hoped to experience.
Oh well. God loved me and that was enough... until I learned what "love" meant.
"For whom the Lord loveth, He chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth."
Catholic doctrine taught me that I was a sinner and the church of Christ did not disagree. I was a sinner and God wanted me to not sin. A parent spanks his kid when his kid steps out of line and God does too. That is the c of C interpretation of Hebrews 12.
I was in my twenties and I had had a sexual relationship with BY FAR the most beautiful girl in that church (if not in the whole area). I was so freakin' gah-gah over her, I scared her off. But dang, Gary, she was awesome! She was like a great drug.
After she dumped me, I went into withdrawal. I was like a crack addict who had been cut off. I went from my fine, fine girlfriend to another girl in the church to still another. I was still reading my bible and "repenting" all the time. I was living Romans 7. I knew the right thing to do, I just couldn't carry it out.
All you gotta do is sleep with a few girls from the church and you start to get a reputation. So I took my lusts outside the church. I was "chasing the high" of my first love with every skank I ran into (no offense to my ex-girlfriends). I dated a few women (by this time, I'm in my late twenties) and, at age 30, I finally found a woman who said "Yes" when I asked her to marry me. She'd been married twice before.
I felt like, "Okay, great! I have a wife. Sexual sin will not be a problem anymore!". Then I discovered that I had an attraction to masturbation. My wife would be "in the mood" but I was not. Oh what a wretched man I was - and no Jesus too.
We were married for about 17-years before we divorced. Sexual sin was a constant. Although I didn't have an "affair", I spent time with women from work - getting drunk mostly. As an interesting aside, one of my ex-drinking buddies (a woman from work) is now our sister in Christ. I baptized her about 4-years ago - after I got saved again. She lives about 20-miles from me.
I was married in May 1987. I tried to take my wife to my church. We went a couple times but she didn't like it. So I stopped going altogether. It had lost pretty much all of it's allure. I was actually doing better without a lot of Jesus in my life than I had done trying (and failing) to obey His commandments. God was ZERO help in finding my wife. I had to do that all on my own. I had a good enough job. My life was working without Him. All I could expect from God was a right-good scourging all the time. So, I figured, "screw 'im".
Gary, the reason I "fell away" was because I was never really there to begin with. I was more "saved" before I started going to church - believing God for His gifts - than I was while in the church rationalizing all His power away. I had a "form of godliness but denied the power thereof". I didn't DARE believe God for a wife. Instead, I asked for His forgiveness for being such a stupid sinner all the time. The psychology of religion is very self-defeating.
I came to the Lord before my conviction but because I came to Him by and large through the church of Christ, I kinda missed Him completely. I had religion but I didn't have the Lord. I'm not saying the church of Christ is evil... wait... yes I am. Not to say I don't love the people - I do.
My conviction came as a result of my offense against a teenage girl who lived in my neighborhood. She was (and probably still is) a very nice and sweet person. She and I took walks together. I paid attention to her and she worshiped me. It was like a great drug. We played basketball (actually just HORSE) together. It was great fun. I really loved our time together. What man wouldn't love the adoration of a cute girl? True to form, I sexualized that relationship too. The rest is history.
Gary, I'm the kind of guy who believes that, given the exact same environment, I would behave in the exact same way. Thank God for Jesus. He's taught me how to avoid temptation. It took me awhile to agree that my thinking I was beyond that sort of thing again was only setting me up for a fall. It's what we call, "denial". It's the old, "Let him that thinketh he standeth taketh heedeth lesteth he-eth falleth". Or words to that effect-eth.
I firmly believe in the power of God over sin. I've experienced it in my own life. Those hypocrites in the church try to tell me I'm confused but I know that they're the confused ones who are confused. They're stuck in a powerless religion like I was. The only thing they've got is their corrupt theology (which, by the way, they can back up with Book, Chapter, and Verse). I can back up everything I believe with book, chapter, and verse too. So the real truth is, we can make the bible say whatever we want it to say.
The bible is a book of truth no matter what truth you happen to believe.
But that little experience taught me something about the love Jesus has for His little girl (the church). On my way back in, Jesus was telling me, "Did you notice how that made you feel? That's the way I feel when you worship me". This is my reality and truth. I worship God the way some perfect little worshiper taught me to worship. Jesus is my hero, my rescuer, my all. And I sincerely want to be the part of the bride that gives Him the most pleasure. Worship makes Him feel great.
There I go again, sexualizing another relationship.
Rob |
|
|
| February 26, 2009 |
|
|
|
| What a blessing bro!! |
|
|
| February 26, 2009 |
|
|
|
Thanks Rob! Yeah, that's the basic pattern and fruit of Christianity as a religion. Been there done that too.
For me this speaks volumes:
Gary, I'm the kind of guy who believes that, given the exact same environment, I would behave in the exact same way. Thank God for Jesus. He's taught me how to avoid temptation. It took me awhile to agree that my thinking I was beyond that sort of thing again was only setting me up for a fall. It's what we call, "denial". It's the old, "Let him that thinketh he standeth taketh heedeth lesteth he-eth falleth". Or words to that effect-eth.
:-) Its "Craig" not Gary (don't give it another thought! LOL!). Yes, our flesh will always be the flesh; the key, I believe, is that if we somehow fellinto the same circumstance we come to realize that the New Creation in Christ can be counted upon (since we are really trusting Him to be Him, and not ourselves to be Him!) just as much as the flesh can. So the bottom line is, that if we are exposed to the same temptation our flesh will always respond the same way (no denial there!). What does change is our faith in its alleged power over us and a new expectation that His power will be made perfect in weakness.
For example, if the Lord (and not me deceiving myself in some way), called me to work the streets of Bangkok Thailand I know that my flesh will respond to the sights that I see but I also know that Christ is my life and He has no problem with beautiful women whether they be teenagers, children or whatever. The key is why we are where we are...there is certainly a big difference between "making an opportunity" for the flesh and "falling into various temptations." The latter has grace to go with it and we may be confident that there isn't a temptation that exists that He does not provide the way of escape for.
Knowing that, I have stumbled with respect to masturbation, but the real key is to be able to come completely clean and confess it as my total responsibility...no one made me do anything, and in fact I also have to acknowledge that God did provide a way of escape and thank him for his faithfulness...I just didn't take it.
Being stupid like that is different than giving one's self to the practice! :-) However, it does serve as a reminder about how subtle the flesh really is.
Thanks for sharing Rob. I'm certain that there are a lot more people who have or are in the same boat! What is brought to the light, becomes light the scripture says. :-)
Love you brother!
Craig |
|
|
Follow this blog
