I find myself on the Friday after Ash Wednesday.  Lent has begun again.  Now I wonder what does "Lent" mean.  Sure its an Old English word for "Spring" but that's not it.  I can harken back to the Early Church when they set aside the Forty Days before Easter for those preparing for baptism but that's not it.  I can remind myself that this is a season in which I can challenge myself to grow in holiness by good works, prayer, and fasting (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18) afterall that is the Gospel we read on Ash Wednesday that sets the tone of Lent but that's not it.  I can say that this is a time to grow in holiness by confessing my sins and striving for perfection in Christ but that's not it either.  Afterall, all these things I'm supposed to do everyday of my life anyway.

So what is it that I want out of Lent?  What's my goal?

If I look around the world today I see a lot of misery.  I hear of people's panic.  I see economic markets tumbling.  I learn of people losing homes and jobs.  I find churches loosing touch with their people.  I see strife amongst church leaders.  I meet people who have lost or don't practice their faith.  I see these and much more.  This is the time and place I live in. 

Given all this, what am I supposed to do with Lent?  What does it matter if I fast or offer a few dollars to a pantry or pray?  What does it matter if people are preparing for baptism?  What does my attempt to be holy matter when no one seems to care?

Now at this point I could just be done with it all and say it doesn't matter.  Lent, my crescendo to Easter means nothing.  But perhaps that is the key.  Perhaps Lent isn't about those lofty ideals.  Perhaps Lent is about understanding that really I am nothing.  Perhaps this is a time for me to know how very small I really am - no matter how much I fast I won't be able to destroy hunger, no matter how much I do I won't be able to wipe out poverty, no matter how much I pray I won't be able to silence those who curse and hate and judge and condemn.

Perhaps this Lent I can become nothing.  Maybe Lent isn't about doing rather, being.  Maybe I can become like a small seed resting in the dark, damp soil.  A seed waiting for its time to push out and up.  A seed breaking out of its hardened hull and through once frozen ground into warmth and light.

If I become nothing, if I become a seed light and life awaits.  Only when I can become nothing can I have hope.  Those with everything, those with power, those with strength, those who have, those with...whatever - they don't need hope because they think they have it all already.

Me, from my nothing, from my seed self, I need hope.  There is for me but one Light and one Hope.  I can't know this Light and Hope from my possessions, from my strength.  I can only know, only experience from my nothing, from my seed self.  And it is in my breaking that I find hope.

So maybe Lent isn't so much about the doing of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to change the world.  Maybe Lent is about me remembering that I am dust and to dust I will return and that once I'm finally "planted" my Hope, my Light, and my Life will be realized.

Hum, I wonder...