This is a true story of my life some 12 years ago and I wrote it for my dying brother-in-law who passed into Spiritual transition within a few days of this writing.  Sadly, his wife never read this to him and I was unable to physically see him because of my disabilities.  It was written to help bring peace to his dying heart, even though he was very much ready to move on.

 

12 or 13 years ago before I had my first operation and I was married to Tom, and Tom was on Crack Cocaine, so it was a horrible experience and quite dangerous for me for a number of reasons.  I was laying in the bed in my room crying my eyes out from the horrible physical pain I was living in.  They had not operated yet and when they did, they were shocked that my spinal cord had not even broken yet and I had absolutely no discs in two levels in the Lumbar spine.  I didn’t know any of this, they found this out when they finally operated.  Oh they knew I had some pretty severe problems, but nothing like this.  That is one of the reasons I don’t put any faith in any tests anymore.  I’ll do them, that I can.  I can’t have MRI’s anymore due to all the metal in my head--brain anuerysm 2 years ago and spine--total of 9 levels fused and a spine full of metal, so I’m pretty limited.  But on with the story and by the way, this is true.  No joke, no make believe.

 

I lay crying that morning in extreme pain and thought I could not live one more day.  I was sure I would commit suicide at some point.  I think Tom, was the only thing keeping me from doing that…..he was trying to stay clean for me.  I felt so hopeless, I don’t think I have ever felt that hopeless in my life.  I was ready to die.  In fact I actually prayed for it.  Now, I was definitely completely awake and not in any kind of psychosis or anything.  Just feeling like it was too much now.  My daughter had moved out and was pregnant, I had married a man I did truly love, but found out that he was a crack cocaine addict and they were hardly doing anything for my back at all.  But work was being really good with me.  If the back was too bad, they let me work from home as best I could.

 

So, I cried and wished that it would be all over.  It wasn’t loud crying, it was more whimpering and quietly so as not to disturb anyone else in the house.  Now, I did believe in a God, because of AA, but before that, I really didn’t know what I believed in.  Well, I had a wonderful motherly sponsor and she helped me believe in something.  It’s not like it is today at all, but it was much better than it had been a few years before.  Basically nothing at all is what that amounted too.  Anyway, I just thank my Creator that I had some belief at that time or I never would have made it for sure and the miracle that was about to happen, would never have happened.  I know that because I believe a person has to have true faith for what happened to me.

 

One other thing, when they operated, they found out that as I mentioned, there were no discs at all, and I had full level flat compression all the way across one part of my lower back and I had two other compressions hitting the left side up and the right side down so no wonder the pain was excruciating.  I barely took any medicine at all yet because I was with a very bad organization and the doctor was not ready to try to give me some relief yet.  He did eventually after I went to a pain management course for 6 weeks.  But, that’s getting a head of my story.

 

As I lay in my bed wide awake because unfortunately the pain did not knock me out and I was wishing with all my heart it would.  But, it didn’t, so I was looking in the corner of my room and all of a sudden, I saw a lady with reddish hair pulled back in a bun, middle aged come literally sliding down the corner of the room.  I thought I was hallucinating, but I wasn’t.  She didn’t say anything to me, but yet I could hear her.  She said, “Stephanie, I am here for you and I will always be here for you.  You will go through some very hard suffering, but I promise that it will get better one of these days.”  “I love you and I’m your Angel to be with you always and to stay and protect you especially when you think you just can’t take any more.”  “When your time does come, darling, I will be with you and take you with me to a wonderful, pain free place, but that will not be for a while.”  “In the meantime, I can promise you that you will find peace and harmony through this and always remember that you are loved and being taken care of.”  “Now, I want you to close your eyes and try with all your strength and faith to try to go to sleep for a little while and I promise, you will feel a little better when you awake.”  “I love you, darling.”

Then, she was gone.  She was as real as me or Tom or anyone.  The only weird part was how she got there, floating basically down the corner of the room.  I did not recognize her, but it didn’t matter because after she left, I went to sleep and I felt hope and peace.  Even if I died that day, I knew there was definitely something.  No doubt about that in my mind.  I actually couldn’t wait, but she said that I had more to do and I wasn’t sure what she meant, but I do now and I hope I can finish it.

 

About two years later, I told my Mother about her and Mom, got a picture out and said, did she look like this and I said, Mom, that’s her.  It was Mom’s grandmother.  I had never seen a picture of her before so now I know who my Angel is and the funny part is, several years before and before the pain had reached that level, I went to one of those Spiritual shows---Rachel, my daughter wanted me to go with her, so I went.  I let a lady do a reading on me, even though I didn’t buy into this, but she told me I had a relative or someone very close to me with me all the time.  She could see her plain as day.  I thought, sure……I had a pretty bad attitude.

 

Not now. Today I believe completely and I know whether anyone believes it or not, I don’t care, because it happened to me and that is good enough.  But I truly believe that we all have someone or even more than one as a healer told me once, I have a couple according to him….that was a long time ago but it was after what had happened.  I had a more open mind after that.

 

It was wonderful and I always pray and hope that she will materialize again, especially now, but maybe she will, so I will be patient and just wait.  I have tremendous hope now and not that I will be well, that is not happening at all, but that I will be with her one of these days.  I felt her love for me so deeply I have never felt love like that in my life and it was wonderful.

 

I use to tell my Grandma Hopkins and Aunt Winnie a long time ago and they loved it.  Grandma was like a little girl while I told her the story.  Every time I went to see her, the first thing she wanted was the Angel story.  Well I’m sure she is with her Angels right now preparing for what is to come in her Spiritual transition.  She just passed on not to long ago at the ripe old age of 103 years old.

 

I really wanted to shared this with Ron, my brother-in-law just because I think he would really enjoy hearing it.  So, if I can’t see him, maybe you could read this to him.  I always tell it a lot better than write it, but I guess right now, this will have to do.

 

I write those for anyone who needs a little more Faith today, because it is a true story and I certainly was not hallucinating, I can reasure any of that.  In fact, I was a scientist and this was the last thing I would has ever expected in my life, but it helped to change my Faith and my belief systems tremendously.  I have not seen my beautiful Angel since then, but I have been able to deal with a lot of pain and a lot of operations due to having her appear to me at the right time.  I also know that all of us have our special angels and sometimes, it might surprise us who they are, but we won't know that until a special day comes for us.

 

Have Faith and lots of Love for your brother and sister and I wish all much love.

 

Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Lord,

Thank you, Lord.

 

Steph