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| Gossip or Prayer Request? |
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gos·sip (gŏs'əp) 
n. - Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
- A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
- Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
- A close friend or companion.
- Chiefly British. A godparent.
Psalms 57:4 - I am in the midst of lions, I lie among ravenous beasts-men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.
When is gossip considered gossip and when it is considered relating something to another out of concern for their well being?
We have all asked for prayer for someone who is struggling, sometimes sharing specifics about the situation so as to help others be able to pray more specifically. What are some ways we can avoid being considered gossipers?
1. We need to ask ourselves: Is the information something negative about someone that isn't there to defend themselves?
2. Does passing on this information make you feel that you are better than the person you are talking about?
3. Are you using the information you are passing along to better your own appearance (not necessarily physical) in some way?
4. Is what you are saying going to hurt that person, either physically or emotionally, if he/she finds out about it?
5. Are you saying something about someone and cloaking it in the phrase "prayer request", just so you can tell everyone what you know?
These are just a few that came to mind...feel free to add more if you have any. The point being, we must watch what we say about others, especially if they aren't around to help us get the facts right. I don't really think about a prayer request being considered gossip, I am more concerned for the individual, but I know there are times that it can be considered gossip...depending on how it is being relayed. If all the facts are shared, all the dirty details, then I think it is gossip. For example,
"Poor Jane Doe needs our prayers. Did you hear that her husband had an affair with a teenage student he had in his class? Teachers shouldn't do that sort of thing with their students! I just hope she doesn't get pregnant now. That would be so humiliating for poor Jane."
All that really needs to be said here is "Please pray for Jane Doe and her husband. They are having a crisis in their marriage."
Be careful of the prayer requests you share, and make sure your heart is in the right place when you do share them. It is a lot harder to take your foot out of your mouth than it is to just keep your mouth shut.
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| To add a comment to "Gossip or Prayer Request?" |
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| July 17, 2007 |
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Excellent topic and insight. A lot of harm is done to Christ's body by "prayer requests" that violate your points. All your points are good but I think points 2 & 4 are the most important. I don't want someone else asking for "prayer" on my behalf and telling details about my situation. Not without asking me about it first. That might be another point: Ask the person if they want you to make a prayer request before doing so and clear with that person what you can and cannot share. |
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| July 17, 2007 |
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sometimes I would just rather say "please pray for a special intention" no need to even say names...God knows what I am talking about! |
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| July 17, 2007 |
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| Trying to stay out of the gos·sip (gŏs'əp) catigory is often hard this is when praying with all supplication in the spirit is helpful see Ephesians 4:all |
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| July 17, 2007 |
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| Amen to that! It is true people do not need to tell all the detail s people confide in them with for prayer you can just ask that someone pray for them as in your example. |
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| July 17, 2007 |
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Preach it, girl! If our friend is in a difficult spot and needs prayer, WE need to pray for them. God hears all of our prayers. We have no business "passing the buck" of prayer responsibility to others. Yes, we need to come alongside our Christian family and support them, but if they desire for someone else to pray over an issue, it is their business to ask, not ours. The whole idea of sharing other people's prayer requests when they have not asked us to do it has always bugged me. It is a lot easier to share someone else's struggles than to share our own. Heaven forbid we be transparent with each other. Better to make someone else transparent. (those last two sentences were pretty sarcastic. sorry about that). If we aren't willing to share our own stuff with others, what right do we think we have to share other's stuff?? ...can you tell this is a sore subject with me? Thank you for being willing to open up this discussion, Deb. You are a peach! |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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Deb, great insights, great advice! I used to think that the more specifically we prayed the greater the odds that my prayers would be answered. Recently however I learned that there is greater freedom in prayer than I ever imagined before -- vague prayers are fine, our Father really knows more than we do about a given request. Even prayers for things that have already happened are ok, assuming you don't already know the outcome!
Our prayer team at church is counseled to gently stop a person from sharing further details about requests for prayer as soon as the essentials come out -- name of person prayed for and/or general concern(s) for which prayer is requested. |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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Deb, this issue is a very serious one. I once stopped going to a prayer group because one person joined who was a "pretender." As Christians we should be very careful to never break someone's confidence or share personal information that the person involved would not wish us to share. Without his/her permission, like Ali, I often just share "an unspoken request for a friend." As Soozanne said, a person's prayer need is his/hers to share, not mine, unless it is that person's desire that I share it. Gossip prayers are not prayers at all and should bring us quickly to our knees seeking the face of God! Thanks for bringing this issue to the table! |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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| I believe it could be very easy to say too much when discussing a person's needs, but we do need to watch ourselves very closely and be willing to speak up when someone is getting close to crossing the line. I don't need to know the gloomy details to ask for God's help in watching over that person. |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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Deb...I once shared a prayer request with WAY too much detail. A sister-in-Christ shared it with a friend (not as a prayer request) The person used it as amunition with criminal charges that were filed. That's messed up.
But the bottom line is that it started with my gossipy prayer request! |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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This is one of the main reasons why it is difficult to get men in the church to trust each other. They are afraid to be honest for fear of gossip. So they struggle in secret. I would add that one of the things we need to do is make sure we pray for the person. It is easy to talk about prayer needs, but do we take time out to pray for them?
Great Blog Sister |
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| July 18, 2007 |
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Jay, that is an excellent point...sometimes people don't want you to share your prayer concerns. Make sure it is ok with them before you do.
Ali, there have been times people have asked for prayers for an "unspoken" prayer. That is as good as any because like you said, God knows what we are praying about!
Valerie, I agree staying out of the gossip category is hard...we have to be extra careful about how we phrase our prayer concerns.
Diana, I guess when we share prayer requests, the best thing is to make sure we know how much the person requesting prayer wants us to share, like Jay said.
Soozanne, you know, I am just as guilty as anyone of sharing prayer requests for people that I know need prayer, but not really considering if they want me to ask for prayer. And as far as my sharing my own prayer concerns, sometimes I don't because my "stuff" just doesn't seem as serious as other people who have prayer requests.
Mike, good advice, that we should stop a person telling about a prayer request once the essentials are out. Thanks for your input!
Kathy, I wonder how many other people stop going to a prayer group or bible study or even church, because of prayer requests that were shared and the details which essentially fell under the category of gossip? It is something to think about.
Julia, like Mike said, we should stop the person from sharing too much information after we get the essentials. You are right, we don't need all the details.
Angie, you probably didn't even realize you were gossiping when you made the prayer request. I can honestly say that it isn't something that I think about, but recently I have begun to think more about it. We just have to be careful.
Brad, that is so true...we need to pray for the individual for ourselves, not just ask for prayers from others. And my husband is a great example of a man that is afraid to trust others for fear of gossip. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. |
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| July 19, 2007 |
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Good post, I knew this woman in my old church that loved to use prayer request time to gossip. Now this lady was bigger than a hippo and had about as many teeth, but she loved to talk about everybody elses problem better than she loved Cracker Barrel. You knew she was fixin to yap cause she would always start with "now this don't leave the room okay".
Makes me wonder if she lost them teeth or if they got knocked out! |
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| July 19, 2007 |
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Good blog. I feel the same Deb. Too many times at Church or anywhere there's too much said about a certain individual. I am trying harder to limit what I say about others and even myself when I bring up a prayer request. I try to think of what Jesus would say. After all God gave us two ears and only one mouth, so we need to listen twice as much as we speak. I've been praying for God to give me the ability to know when to keep my mouth shut when I don't need to say anything at all.
Thanks Deb! |
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| July 21, 2007 |
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Rich, I think we all know a few women like the one you described...and I think her teeth probably got knocked out!
Amber, that is a good thing to remember...God gave us two ears and only one mouth, so we need to listen twice as much as we speak! I think that is a great thing to remember! I am a quiet person, but I also listen a lot. I only hope that when I ask for prayer for someone, that like you, God will give me the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut. Thanks for your post. |
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