I have been up since midnight and I have to say I fear closing my eyes, even after I did my night prayers. I want have Jesus to wrap himself around me and purge the evils of the dream I cannot seem to remember. I want Mary and Joseph to hold my hand and help me pray and protect me from evil.

Other than the screaming nightmare I recently had only four hours ago, I cannot tell you how much of spiritual retreat it has been for me this weekend. To start off on Friday, for us Catholic (or I am now known as the Elect Catechumen) it is First Friday. That means Adoration of our Lord Jesus. It is an hour at Saint Patrick's, sometimes longer depending on the reason. Mainly we do Adoration and Bendiction for that hour. Many of us will pray, pray the rosary, read our Liturgy of the Hours (or Christian Prayer), or write spiritual notes to our Lord or just write anything that comes to mind.

I thought it would be nice to place on here what I wrote for Adoration for March 6th, 2009:

Jesus, my Lord,

I have come to many different Adorations and witness them, but for this first time have I ever seen what I have seen on this Adoration. I saw you, not bread within a golden stand, but you, My Lord.

Most of your sons and daughters have seen you during Adoration but, I have not, I feel more connected just with the knowledge that you have shown yourself to me.

The feelings and words are thanks to the Holy Spirit. I ask that you encourage the strength for the trials I must face in the next few weeks.

I ask that you hear my prayers:

-May I learn to forgive for the past that has brought me to you.

-May I find more self-confidence in myself.

-May my fiance be kind and not hurt me, by betrayal.

-May those who are about to reconsider Abortion that they are to think of those little ones who deserve the right to life and to experience life as themselves have done.

Your Elected Daughter,
Nikita

I literally for the first time saw Jesus's face in the bread of life. It was amazing experience to me for I felt it confirm that I was accepted and loved by Our Lord. I was coming to tears for the fact I was able to see him, not just hear him call me, but see him. He is calling me not but hearing, but seeing.

Father Peter Fagan OP, who celebrated mass, and Adoration I give him thanks for the help I needed to understand what the Eucharist truly is and how it is a large part of our lives. I told him that I saw Jesus, I sounded like a little girl who recieved her first present.

Later that day Camille and I just read our Liturgy of the Hours and she read the story of Saints Perpetuna and Felicity, which is a very scary and horrible tail of the torture they dealt with, but at the same time, such a moment of awe with their story for their love of Jesus and their faith. Here is the link of their story: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/source/perpetua.html And what was interesting which for those who are Catholic and own or have owned The Magnificat know that the readings for Mass on Saturday even though Saints Perpetuna and Felicity were only a Commemoration fit well with their Martydom. My favorite quote from the first reading was:

They followed and walked in Trinity God ways. They sacrifice themselves because they would not lower themselves from turning this heads away from the Christian Life. The first did very well with relating with the gospel reading:

And then to end my little thought process of Saturday I will quote a piece of the Meditation of the Day: "All human happiness (which we instinctively desire, but not necessarily selfishly, and therefore with rightfully clear consciences) is fundamentally the happiness of love." - Josef Pieper (1997)

Sunday was mix of feelings, Camille and I went to mass at noon, for we wanted (more so I wanted) to go to the Laity Dominican Order Meeting that happened after mass. Plus, next Sunday I will be recieving my first of four Scrutinies. Anyways, poor Father Peter had to make an announcement before the mass ended to the couple who literally, I wanted to walk to their pew and take their child and just wait outside until mass is over to allow him back in. I mean bring some common sense people, if your child (a 5-6 year) is making a fuss you take them out of the mass, because it is disrespectful to others who are trying to listen, I mean I understand you want to hear the readings too, but how can you with a screaming child in your ear.

Plus during the mass we got to hear from a Brother from the Dominican Order that lives at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington DC. Very nice discussion he had on how Dominican Brothers are doing. But the best part was when Father Peter decided to comment before about how Dominican "study twice as much as Jesuits, and eat twice as more as Francisicans", he was trying so hard to not want to allow that child who was screaming bother him.

Afterwards went to the Third Order (Laity) Dominican Meeting and got to go to the class for those who are wanting to join the third order. I decided to join the third order in December, but was worried that I would not be able to get started when I was just a Catechuem, but they told me I could of came and welcome me.

We had Vaspers and then went home. And then the Dream happened and I have no idea or any understanding for the dream. It happened and scared the living daylights out of me. I was crying and screaming and actually rushed to Camille's Room and cried. I was so shaken. She told me to read my Night Prayers and that might help. I did, but I am scared to sleep, so I decided to write on here the wonderful journal of this weekend, which to me felt like I was spiritual retreat.

Ending Prayer:

God, the Father of mercies, you sent your Son to save sinners. Grant us wisdom and courage to know our sinfulness, and humility to beg your forgiveness, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

~Nikita~