I am new to the refinding of God,thru out my life he was the only constant.I never knew that till recently,I want to know more and grow with God in my life, as it should be.Joel Osteen saved me from a never ending pit of self destruction.And I read my bible now and I try to do whats right everyday.But I havent found a church yet,I fear that and I keep telling myself that it will come when the Lord sees fit,he will lead me there.And in the time of me waiting for this event to unfold,I find myself weaken and the devil is busy.There are so many people in my life who want me to go off this new course I have embraced.But I know that if I holdfast and keep God first things get better,then I fall back and forth and back and forth.Am I doing something wrong here?God knows my heart and I dont live my life exactly like the bible says but I strive to get ther everyday and beats myself up when I fail.Then theses days come when I do not pick up the bible and it gets very dark and lonely and depressive.This is what scares me,I need to know what it is and how to fix it,I never want it invited back into my life.Is that happening to me cause I am not in a church?I hate falling off track because it changes my whole prospective on all the new things I need to do in my life.God is my light out of the darkness that was my home for many years,and I praise him and I want to do more but the times that I get stuck in a rut,are terrifying to me.Is that the devil trying to grab me back? Well I know in the bible its states that God says he will keep me safe from the wicked and protect me and I really believe that.