Thanks Lourdes! 

Yep, I'm working on recording it.  I'll evntually make a myspace page for my music.  I need to copywrite it all first.

Since you asked, I think that the lyrics are great. It's easy for me to imagine that God is not near when things do not go the way that I might wish, and this song encourages trust in all circumstances.

Without trying to be petty, I would disagree a little bit with the line "I know you may not trust me now, but son, that's OK." I think that within the overall flow of the song, the main point of the line is to re-emphasize God's love for us even though we are sinners (a good thing!). But, it has the effect of saying that the sinful attitude of not trusting in God is "OK" rather than "forgiven," when I would say that we are "OK" in Christ despite our sin. This does raise in my mind, though, the fact that sometimes I tell people "it's OK" when they apologize for sinning against me, when I'm really trying to communicate "I forgive you."

Thanks All!

This is really encouraging.

jam137, I see your point, but that's not what the lyric is about.  Within to context of the song, it's a statement that God takes me where I'm at, even at the times when I don't trust him.  Jesus dealt with a man who didn't trust him (see verses below).  Jesus didn't rebuke the man when he admitted he didn't believe.  He didn't say "I'm God, how dare you not believe me".  He met the man where he was at, and healed his son.  When I wrote this song, I didn't trust God, but I remained faithful.

20 They brought the boy to Him. When he saw Him, immediately the spirit threw him into a convulsion, and falling to the ground, he began rolling around and foaming at the mouth.

21 And He asked his father, "How long has this been happening to him?" And he said, "From childhood.

22 "It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"

23 And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."

24 Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."

25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again."

26 After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out; and the boy became so much like a corpse that most of them said, "He is dead!"

27 But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he got up.

I agree that God deals with us gently and not as our sins deserve.

Jess, you wrote "When I wrote this song, I didn't trust God, but I remained faithful." Did you mean "When I wrote this song, I didn't trust God, but He remained faithful"? I wanted to make sure that I was following your line of thought---it sounds like you have in mind 2 Timothy 2:13.

Thanks, Ali, that's the plan, but it's going to be a while.

jam137, I didn't trust Him concerning my future at that moment, but I didn't give up on following Him.  I don't equate healthy doubt with faithlessness.  So for me, it was as I wrote, I didn't trust Him, but I didn't give up on Him.

Wow!  Thanks for all the encouragement.  I know God wants me to record it, becuase I never get anything but positive feedback.

JoshMo: I sing it to either piano or guitar.  I've got a digital recording soundboard, and I'm figuring out how to record the different tracks and all.

Kathy: This song is unique so I'll share How I Wrote It at the end.

pastormary: Thanks!  I'll take as many as He'll give me.  The Bible says every good and perfect gift comes from God.  Does that mean I can only take credit for the bad songs? ;)

Sue: I might make a video someday.  But that's not really on the radar at this point.  I'll definitely put this and other songs up on a myspace band page when I get them recorded and copywritten.

How I (?) Wrote It:

OK, before I start, this was about 15 years ago.  I'm not this immature anymore, thanks to Jesus.

I was agonizing over what I thought was God's apparent meanness.  At the time I was pretty insecure, and I legitimized my feelings by convincing myself that my feelings were God's will.  I had convinced myself that God wanted me to marry a gal, before I really got to know her.  Ouch!  She was a little cruel for me.  I had so convinced myself that I blamed God for what I mistakenly thought was His will.

I was sitting at a piano on CSU Chico campus (Yes, I did attend Chico State, but I did not party).   Looking back, I can almost see God up on His throne thinking: "Jess needs to be more emotionally healthy, but We'll deal with that latter.  Right now he just needs to trust me."  The first phrase of the song popped into my head - music and everything.  I couldn't think of what came next.  Something in my spirit knew that I wouldn't get the next phrase until I sang the first.  It was a huge step for me to submit and sing/play the first step.  Just when I needed to know it, the next phrase popped into my head.  One musical phrase that popped into my head was: this is where the instrumental stuff goes (not words, I just knew it).  I sang the whole song that way.  And then cried a bit.  I've never wrote a song the same, before or since.

Monison, that's a good question, I'm not sure what the pattern is.

The feel of the song is more 60's folk.  Kind of like John Denver's Leaving on a Jet Plane.  I'm told I have a similar voice.  I better get this up here soon, huh.

Thanks Lourdes.  I like hearing what's behind a song as well.  It's kind of funny, to me it's actually a song of gentle rebuke. 

Thanks Cateyez.

first of all this is great ! i love to write and i know what its all about to know the not being able to trust part of it ! but im glad to see you have done something good during this part of the trial in your life ! great job

ps ya need a secretary !  

Jess cant wait to see what God has in store for you sounds like he is working through you to open our eyes ... Thank you God for Jess cant wait to hear it in music.

Your friend in Christ 

Hey Jess, Thanks for posting this with a new bulletin. 

Your explanation of where you were at when you wrote this song is great.  I had to go back and reread the song after reading the explanation and that really opens the song up to me.  Can't wait to hear it with music, piano seems appropriate some how.