Today is the 19th day of the Windy (Ah-nv-yi) Moon Month. Just twenty-three more days until my baptism and full acceptence into the Catholic Church. Today is the Solemnity of Saint Joseph, Husband of Mary, the Blessed Virgin and the foster-father of Jesus Christ.

On this day in history in 1916 the first United States air combat missions begun, in 1945 General Fromm executed for plot against Hitler, in 1953 the fist Academy Awards program on Network Television, and in 2003 the War in Iraq begun.

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." -Paul Valery (1871-1945)

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." -Phyllis Diller (1917- )

"Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age." -Jeanne Moreau (1928- )

"The Amen of nature is always a flower." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841-1935)

"If my conscience were burdened with all the sins it is possible to commit, I would still go and throw myself into our Lord's arms, my heart all broken up with contrition. I know what tenderness He has for any prodigal child of His that comes back to Him." -Saint Therese of Lisieux (1873-1897)

I did not know I would get back to doing this, it has been at least three weeks since I last wrote an actually entry about my life and not dealing with Adoration. I have my reasons for it. One of the main reasons is that I did not want to write about my times with Danny and my times without him and have someone say that he was cheating on me or he doesn't love me or whatnot. I say this harshly because what I cannot stand is people who say that and it is them who in turn makes things come true.

Time with Danny was short-lived mostly. He is much more reserve than he was when we were in school. And in the end he decided that we need to wait for marriage. I just went with it, I did not object and I did not really show that I was hurt with the decision. He left yesterday and I have not even recieved anything from him saying he got on base safely. I do not know if we can last with the way he has distance himself with me. But I keep hope.

School has come to end for this winter quarter. I have recieved three of the four classes grades and let me say I am so freakin' glad with the fact I passed Sociology 101, really hated that class. And all I am waiting on right now is American Government which I am so HAPPY is OVER with. It really pissed me off that my teacher had this quiz question and Camille literally emailed her and explained how this question was wrong no matter how you look at. It said one of the correct powers of the president was "he was a military champlin" not saying anymore about that.

Moving on from school to my faith. I have to say it is the best part of me right now. I have just twenty-three days and it just is amazing for me. Lately I have decided on a few things. One is that I want to ask Father Peter Fagan OP to be my personal spiritual director and the priest I have my first confession with. I want to have face to face and have Father Peter to be the one to do this. He is one of the few now lately that I can even consider to be a friend to me.

I give the greatest example of the mass for Saint Patrick's Church (since Saint Patrick's Day is our Solemnity) and if I can get video up I will upload the clips that I recored from the night. Anyways, the party afterwards, I have to say was VERY CROWDED, LOUD, and I was unsure of people there, I am still new, and do not know people. I finally after a while got upset that I was unable to spring foreward and socialize that I ran out of Patrick's Hall. As I rushed out Father Peter was there and I know he cannot handle a crowded place either. He noticed me and was worried, to say the least he tried to allow permission to get Camille for me. But I was not going to ruin the party for Camille nor Kiya (who was acting up during mass, which was unusual for her) and I told him no and he mentioned that the chapel is always opened and if I needed to be somewhere quiet I was able to go there. I did do that and I cried because I felt worthless for the fact I was never like others, I am sociable, but I cannot socialized and I felt stupid and oh I really do not like the feelings I was having that night. Well, after talking to Mary, Jesus, and Saint Joseph (and even Saint Patrick) I decided to try again. I bumped into Father Peter at the Chapel doors. He was coming in to pray with me and talk to me because he was worried. I felt bad that he left the party for my sake, in my mind I feel I am unimportant when there is something better going on. "You still do not look any better than when I saw you earlier," he said and he was actually going to get Camille. I told him no and said that I did not want to be a hassle and he said, "You are not a hassle you are her friend." I felt bad when he left because I denied the priest to do what was right. I was just upset and immature, because I was unable to socialize. As we (Camille, Kiya, and I) were leaving we were saying good-bye to Father Peter and Father LaCasse OP and Father Peter said this: "Look just so you know, I know some people cannot handle crowds, loud noise..." "I do not mind the loud noise" "but I know that you are shy girl, but know this you are a very sweet girl who deserves friends and to be happy." That is one of the sweetest things I have heard anyone say. I hugged him and hugged me back. I know that he is a friend for he understands me very well and no offense to others, but I can talk to priests better than I can talk to others.

Father LaCasse and Father Peter OP also to add have finally gotten hugs from Kiya. It was so sweet cause Father LaCasse told me he got two hugs from Kiya and when we were leaving he said, "Yes she gave me hugs, but am I able to recieve a few more before you go." She gladly gave them to him and you can just tell that Kiya is growing attached to the church and the members of the parish. Father Peter has been teasing her and me for that matter. WHICH reminds me, I am going to not get over the idea that during my first scrunities Father Peter made me blush because he told me to get up as he mentioned that I was being baptized and I tell you he said this: "I know I am talking about her, but because I love to tease her, Nikita get up." I am called Kita Red by Robert (a friend of Camille's and parishoner) and Father LaCasse is going to do the same. AHHHH I am going to be glad when I am just a baptized Catholic and not a Catechium. :D

But, like I mentioned everything is going alright, my church life and spiritual vocations is going great. It is one of the only things going good.

Next Entry:

It does not take me long to get back into writing on here, does it? Hahaha....anyways, I thought I would be nice and write about what happened after Camille got out of her last final.

We stayed in the computer lab for another hour, which for me was just another excuse to make sure I got everything printed out for next week and am able to get it all done. Which if many do not know what I am talking about. I am talking about my little extra on the side work that I do for this site HOL. (Hogwarts Online) Which I know that many of you are going what the hell, but about six years ago or so, I was shown this site and since I LOVE the series (Harry Potter) I asked to join and so this girl helped me get on it. This site is amazing and a lot of fun, but this month I decided to wait until Spring Break to start really working on my HOL homework and Ravenclaw work. This was so I could dicate all my time to the classes, unlike what I do when I am going through another quarter on CSCC campus.

So while I was doing that, Camille was getting more sources for her big disserations that she has to do to graduate. Her disseration is on the Ohio Pen and the Fire of 1930. Which in turn a famous fire brought out something cool, in the dispatch oh about a week or two ago there was a commentary on how a petition was going in for a street that was un-named on the old Ohio Pen property (now Nationwide property) to be named after the Dominican Priest that helped save lives of prisioners and give all last rites to those who had died. Father Albert O'Brian, who just yesterday we learned was the Asst. Pastor for Saint Patrick's which was great. We (meaning Camille and I) think he should be Saint, for the deeds he did and how he saved those lives and not even three years later died of lung issues due to the poisionous gas that was produced by the fire. Anyways, Camille was looking for more sources and times for the Ohio Historical Society Library, next weekend or during the weekday we are going to go to the OHSL and research. I am her little research assistant. ^_____^

Finishing up all we needed to do on campus we went to the closest KFC (since we were craving KFC, I think because I mentioned it last week and would not stop talking about it xD) We ate and spoke about the little things with Father Peter OP and Father LaCasse OP. We were joking about Father Peter when talking about Saint Joseph said: "I am just going with what Thomas Aquinas knows" and then crosses himself, you would have to be there to understand the funniness of it. We talked about her community and while sitting there I thought about how on July 22nd I will be without my dearest friend, companion, roommate, and godmother. It will be hard, but I think I will pull through because she is going back to where she feels most at home and I have to say while eating at KFC I saw her wearing her Habit. I have not told her I constantly see her in her novice Habit a lot. xD

We left KFC and I spoke about Father Peter OP being my spiritual director and the priest I would like to do my first confession to. I think it is because Father LaCasse no offense I love him dearly like I would a daughter would love a father, but he sometimes makes me feel I am rushed, I think it is the Pastor title xD...most likely. Anyways, I also explained that I want to have a religious to be my spiritual director and I feel he is best suited for how I wish to keep with my spiritual vocation.

We reached Saint Patrick's around 5.50pm and sat there for awhile and then went inside and sat our things down at the table for Catechist class. We went to the chapel and instead of sitting on Mary's side we went to Saint Joseph. It was wonderful to honor him with sitting near him. I love the explaination I recieved from Father during his homily that he is what protects Christ, and Christ's mother, and Church. Just that feeling of protection around him was wonderful. I pray a lot that Joseph would be my protector for the nightmares I recieve.

Camille and I said our Evening prayers and then we went back to Patrick's Hall (Where the class was being held at) and pretty much sat there until people came in. Now the one thing that I thought was funny was that Camille decided to move tables and when I was looking at where I was sitting (which was in direct eye contact with where Father Peter OP would be speaking) I looked at Chris (one of the parishoners and Catechist) "I adore you, but I am moving" he laughed at me and I blushed because I felt stupid, but I really did not want to be the target of Father Peter's teasing today, I am all the time anyways, and I do not want to be center of attention as much as he does to me. I think he does it so I can be socialized in the parish. So, I moved and Camille and I sat with Kendra who is a dear friend of Camille's and a Laity of the Dominican Order with Camille's Mom.

Today class was titled: Synoptic Gospels and Acts of the Apostles. It was a good lecture, have to say that Father Peter was on a roll, making teasing but valid remarks on things. He spoke about the Synoptic Gospels as: "Passion narratives with long introductions" and that "the Good news is not the Evening news." Certainly as I mention he was on a roll today. Anyways, he brought up many of the critics of the synoptic gospels saying that it is not a biography of Chris and the division that was made by a group called: "Jesus of history vs. Christ of Faith", he mentioned that the gospels are not "journal entries, but to teach the passion and the way of salvation" and the Gospels were written as "ex fide in fidem" literally meaning "by believers for believers" He also mentioned the ideas and theories of the order of the Gospels.

Traditional Theory is the chronological order of the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Which for the reason was that Matthew was an apostle, Mark was directed by Peter and Luke directed by Paul.

Griesbach Hypothesis: Which the order was Matthew, Luke, and then Mark. The idea that Matthew influenced Luke and Matthew and Luke influenced Mark.

The "Two-Source" Theory is the more recent theory and I will write what Father put in his outline for us: "Matthew and Luke depend both on Mark and another, independent source, called simply "Q" (for Quelle, German for "source") " This idea makes more sense since it seems Mark Gospel has 80% simliar stories in both Matthew and Luke's Gospels. Father made a joke saying: "who knows maybe "Q" was our Holy Mother" I wish I took a picture of the face he made because I know that many people would try to criticize the idea or theory that the Blesses Mother would influence and be another source for the Synoptic Gospels. But, who knows.

After class I got to talk to Robert, another friend of Camille's and a Laity Dominican and he spoke how his nephew (who was there) was going to go through RCIA next year. I was so happy and excited and I had introduced myself to him before and he is such a sweety too. Even though he has the rebel look he is a gentle lamb I tell you. Camille and I spoke to him for good amount of time and he asked me "Are you going to the Fish Fry tomorrow" and I looked at Camille and then at him and said, "Yeah, we were going to come for the stations of the cross tomorrow and adoration too." I know I have not mentioned this but I am going to after I am baptize that I will be going through RCIA again to keep with my spiritual education, which thanks to Camille she influenced and said it would help. So, I will see Brad (that is Robert's nephew's name) I made a friend WHOOT!!! 

Came home and recieved an email from Danny and I have to say it was short and it pretty much said will have no communication for awhile and that was all. I told Camille I can handle the distance and the missions and being missing from contact but if he shows anymore distance in the next few months (like not even trying to show he wants to talk to me or what) I will end it. I cannot take the shit I dealt with John. I mean I love him do not get me wrong, but he is the one who was all ready for the marriage and got cold feet literally the day before and said that he wanted to wait and was even unsure if he wished to marry. Argh, I cannot handle a person who feels that uncommitted to one person. I know you do not want a burden on you (which he did call it that) but damn do not hurt a love that is there and as I said if he keeps showing this idea of not wanting a relationship and hanging me in the air letting me be choked to death, I will end it. He knows this.

So, after the email Camille and I watched "Nunsense" (which is a great comedy a must watch no matter what religion you believe in) and then Camille went to bed after we did Night Prayers. I could not sleep with all this information in my head. HAHAHAHA I cannot be helped. I have to write more again, twenty-two days now WHOOT!

~Nikita~

P.S. I learned I have passed all my classes and that means no retaking class...oh thank you Jesus, I need not to retake that damn Government class...I REFUSE!!

Oh while I am at it I thought I should mention the books I will be reading this next coming week: 

1. Dominican Spirituality
2. Saint Dominic

OH OH I ALMOST FORGOT!!!! Obama will be meeting Pope Benedict XVI during the G8 in May that will be held in Rome. Father LaCasse OP said  "I would love to be a Fly on the Wall that day" xD