Between Steve and Lara we've had a lot of talk about unborn babies lately.. I was kind of planning to keep this blog until after Mother's Day..  Actually I was probably planning to disappear on Mother's Day since that's a pretty depressing holiday for me. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and treat her right.  I always have some nice presents for her and treat her to a nice meal out or at my home.  But later, when I'm alone, that's when the flood of emotion comes rushing in.

The pent up emotions to seeing other women wearing corsages at church to show they are mothers gets me wondering, what am I?  how do I get classified?

Some of you who have known me longer here on My Church know that I was in an abusive marriage.  I have been divorced now for 10 years and happy to be free, though I do still tend to be a little cautious of my safety.  But while we were married back in 1997, I had a miscarriage.  I was devastated and went into shock, just shutting down.  He went on the warpath, because, of course, this was my fault somehow; he even went so far as to accuse me of having aborted the baby and lying to him about it.

I can look back and see God's wisdom in calling my daughter home, because the situation was quickly escalating and I ended up leaving by the end of that same year.  I had to go into hiding when I filed the paperwork because he was stalking me and six months after it was final, I laid some false plans with co-workers, only a select few knew the true final destination, then moved across the country.  This would never have been possible if we had a child together.  But yet, I hadn't really been able to mourn my daughter and there was such an ache there.

Fast forward six years later and for the second time in my life God granted me a vision.  It was during a Sunday night service singing the song "There's no one like our God" and during the 2nd verse, it says, "He gives the barren woman healing, she'll dance for joy like the mother of children."  I had sung it hundreds of times without a thought.  But this time, God hit me with a vision of His throne room and I saw dancing, but no barren women.  It was filled with children. 

Then my eyes zoomed in to one particular little girl, who had her back to me... but she was dancing with joy before the Father.  Dark blond hair, and then she turned; she had his blue eyes.  I knew it was my daughter.  But it was her face that took my breathe away.  While I had been mourning, she had been happy.  She had been raised by the King of Kings, never known anything but love, peace, joy and acceptance.  The glory of God reflected on her face and laughter flowed from her.  She might be my daughter, but she was His little girl. 

I sat and wept for the entire service.  They were finally tears of release and tears of joy because I knew she was really okay.   It was a good thing I was still wearing my hair long then so I could hide my face because I didn't want disturbed for anything.

I still think about my daughter..I think its getting a little more frequent now that I'm getting older and wondering if that might be my only act of motherhood, giving her up to God.  Only God knows the future and I will trust that choice to Him.  But my heart also aches for those who have knowingly given up their daughters and sons in the act of abortion because they are destroying God's precious children--both themselves and the unborn.  They can be forgiven and healed but only if they hear the truth and respond to it.

Pray about what you can do to help someone around you who is struggling with this.  If you haven't already prayed about contributing to Steve W's 50 Million Angels Cry song, then please read his blog and prayerfully consider contributing to it:

http://www.mychurch.org/blog/423192/Help-Me-Save-The-Life-Of-An-Unborn-Child

Do what God leads you to do.