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Here I am again. How about that? It's 12:28 a.m., so I guess it's now officially May 2009. I can't believe the school year is almost over. Jason moved out here to Jasper last May and I followed after the baby was born in July. It has been a wonderful and miraculous year. When we moved out here two years ago, I guess we just weren't quite ready to accept that this is where God wanted us, so we moved back to Jax in July 2007. I have to tell you that was one of the most miserable years ever. When God wants you to move in one direction or the other, I don't think he leaves much doubt in your mind. You may try to create your own doubt, but God gives much clearer answers than we are willing to accept sometimes. When we decided to buy this house and move back to Jasper, both of us knew it was for good.
Anyway, I was really contemplating my job when I began writing this entry. When we moved to Jasper last summer, I put in an application to be a substitute teacher. I didn't want to sub at the high school, and Curtis certainly didn't want me to, but I put all three elementary schools in Hamilton County and the ESE school where my mother-in-law subs. I was very very unsure about that school though. The first few times they called me, it was to work in the regular voluntary pre-k classes, which I thoroughly enjoyed. But then they called me to work in the ESE class. I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect and if I would be able to do it. For the most part, these kids are profoundly handicapped and can't go to regular schools, etc..
I never dreamed that from the moment I walked into that classroom I would never want to leave. Wilma (my mother-in-law) did try to tell me, but I thought it was just her. I didn't think I would love the kids and the job so much.
The pay isn't great as a sub, but I am hoping eventually maybe they'll need me in a permanent position. I have been able to sub every day since I started so that has been great. I can't remember when the last time was that I felt so useful and had a job that was so rewarding.
Money is necessary, yes, but what is equally necessary is being able to get up in the morning and face the day with peace and contentment, and to go to bed at night with that same feeling. I learned years ago that those feelings are blessings that should not be taken for granted.
My husband and I have come through some very very rough patches. During the last decade, there were days when I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away, but God was there, saying "No. You stay and you wait. I will restore him (my husband) and I will renew you." And He did. When I thought I couldn't go on any longer. When despair had me on my floor in tears, vowing that I couldn't go one more day without God's intervention (it's the only intervention that really works) and telling God to please forgive me, but I couldn't do what He was telling me to do, He stepped in and He began the work He had promised me He would do. I have witnessed miracles this year...every day of this year has been a miracle. When my husband comes straight home from work every night and works in the garden or plants lilies or watches the news or does a million other little things I thought I'd never see him do again, it is a miracle. When I see him participating in life and enjoying life again, it is a miracle. When I see peace and happiness on his face, it is a miracle. When I see him lying in bed reading the Bible, it is a miracle. When he says he knows he's saved, it is a miracle!
When our little paychecks give us bill money for another month and our groceries last until the next pay day, it is a miracle.
When I go to a job that I thought I wouldn't like, and I am glad to be there, it is a miracle.
When I feel hope about the future and know I'm finally whole again in my mind and heart, it is a miracle.
These things were lost to us for so long, it is good to see the bright light of God's work. It is good to give credit to our blessed Lord for the work He has done in our lives and the things He has renewed and restored.
His goodness never ceases.
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