I am not being called at the moment to write anything. But while I was websurfing, I thought about my life and how God use it to get to others. Just how much of my life is He is using to apply to people I met and reaching out  to them?
You may think that my life was never boring, let me tell you this, it sure is. There are a lot of things that happened here and there but that's it.

Lately, I have been attacked spiritually and mentally. With my emotions being out of wreck, confusions that leaves me totally weak and lost, the enemy saw his opportunity to attack. Though I have been so blessed for a long time when I totally did not deserve it [and I know just how much a lot of us don't deserve any good in this world due to the sin but let's not get into that] but my point is, I was selfish. I was greedy, self-centered and depressed, I was ungrateful and undesireable. I have been very angry and hateful for a long time....
But God kept on blessing me with His love, continuiously on blessing me with what I wanted and needed. Growing up, I desperately wanted family. My childhood family was all broken up by betrayal and hurt that none of us survived together. We parted ways and lost contact.  
Granted, I know the bible quote about children growing up and changing from childish way to adult, moving out of parents home and lives with their wives/husbands. But where does it say that we cannot be friends anymore? Also I do remember a quote in the bible mentioning families will be broken up, going against each other and have a lot of betrayals and trouble..
But again, where does it say that ALL families are like that? I think if I heard and read it correctly, the  bible is mostly full of warnings, possiblities, advices, wisdoms and guide... so much more to the list than I have mentioned, really.
I do know that the  bible adviced and warn people to look out for the goodness and bad in others. Finding friends is not easy... and it seems lately [maybe because of my children] I can't seems to find good friends. Therefore I am finding myself lonely a lot of times and desperate for company of adults.
But Friday night, I was feeling somewhat distance. Lately I have been feeling distance from everybody. I wanted to be alone, yet I don't want to be by myself. I wanted to be left alone but yet I don't want to be in an empty room.
Honestly, in this poistion I stand, I am wholly confused with people. What are they becoming themselves into? Who are they turning into? Are they being who they are? Can I call them friends? Will I depend on them in needs of help?
My life is really good.. Things are great here but something is always missing. And I cannot figure it out why. Or what.