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| Slowly But Surely |
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I've fought unforgiveness and you know what? It can make you very bitter. I've been wronged by someone that I am close to, and I have held onto a grudge, to the point of feeling antagonistic against that person, allowing the hurt to come between us and cause more trouble in the relationship. It took me a long time to let go of it.
When people say that forgiving someone is a choice, that is definitely true. Most of the time I was angry and I wanted to hold on to my anger, because it held some of the hurt at bay. Perhaps I was even hopeful that if I didn't forgive, if I treated that person badly enough for what they did to ME, it would give them some payback for the hurt they caused me. I chose to hang on to the hurt and the anger because I thought it would make that person pay.
But, as I have learned, it did more damage to me than it ever did to that person. I was growing bitter and more negative. I was even a Christian at the time - I had done my own share of hurting others and needing forgiveness.
You may think you don't have to forgive someone who is no longer a part of your life, or if they were indirectly involved in the hurt and you are not friends with them. You can just ignore the person and hold on to that pain. And that is true, but it will eat you up. Slowly but surely it will destroy you and turn you into someone who is bitter and unable to trust.
Yes, you can go through life not forgiving those who hurt you. You can hang on to the anger, or just pretend that person doesn't exist. It isn't hurting them, whether you forgive them or not. But it is hurting you, and your relationships with others, but more importantly, your relationship with God. 10:15 And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying, 10:16 "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds," 10:17 then he adds, "I will remember their sins and their misdeeds no more." 10:18 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin. 10:19 Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the sanctuary by the blood of Jesus, 10:20 by the new and living way which he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, 10:21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 10:22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.
Make your soul and spirit free from all guilt, and forgive those trespasses done against you. |
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| To add a comment to "Slowly But Surely" |
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| May 03, 2009 |
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| May 03, 2009 |
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Very good message Deb...I am guilty and raising my hand on this. The last person that comes to mind was a former coworker and an office brat. She is unsaved and I prayed for her the whole 2 years I worked there. The more you tried to do for her the meaner she was and vindictive. I truly believe she has demons that she carries from her earlier life of drinking, drugging, and having an abortion. She is only 21 now so she has had a very unhealthy upbringing. Again her childhood I blame on the lack of a father in the home as she was sexually molested by her step father....I won't mention her name but God knows who she is. Perhaps all of MC family can pray for her and her mother. God Bless YOU! |
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| May 03, 2009 |
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Wow Deb, your situation is eerily similar to mine. Like you, wronged by someone very close. I don't believe I'm fighting unforgiveness, but I continue to examine myself to make sure. We have created boundaries though. There is some concern for our children. Your advice appears sound! |
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| May 03, 2009 |
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| May 04, 2009 |
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WOW Deb, like Mike I'm with ya, although for me in that examination many times I have found in the end I wasn't being forgiving. I will also say there have been a few times where me being unforgiving hasn't been the case, it's been real and boundaries are necessary to protect the innocent lives involved. I have learned there are times where we need to draw lines of boundary, as hard as it may be it's what God has called us to do...Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart with us, it's very helpful! |
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| May 04, 2009 |
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Lynne, one thing I have learned, when you are praying for someone that is not pleasant, you have to think more positively about them, so the best thing you can do for your enemies is pray for them. Not the easiest thing to do, but it is the best thing you can do.
Mike, my biggest hurt has come from someone I am around every day who is a part of my family. I had to forgive, but it sure wasn't easy. But it made it more important to work on forgiveness. Boundaries are good for any relationship. But especially for someone who might hurt your children.
Angela, yes, I agree there are times when we need to draw boundaries. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that we should continue to let people take advantage of us or walk all over us. We have to draw the line somewhere. Thanks for your comments.
Bubba, thanks for your comments! |
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