For years, I am always blessed. Even when I was in trail and living in sins. I committed even when I knew what I have done was wrong, still God protected and blessed me. Every time I saw something my children have accomplished, pride burned so deeply in my heart and I fell in love with them more and more. I felt so proud of them for having done a great job on their own. Yes, I am aware that even if my children have not succeed in anything, that they still deserve my pride and love. And most of the times I do continue on loving them and praises them for their effort for all that they do.
After having fed my newborn and holding him, my love burn so deeply it overwhelmed my heart. I will never stop wondering as well as always being so grateful to WHY God keeps blessing me. I will always wonder why I deserved so much in my life and still get all that God blessed me with. He kept on serving me even while I didn't serve Him.
This morning holding my newborn, I burned with desire to serve God with all that I am and with all that I have. I want to give all that I am... and I dare never to ask for anything in return. All I ask is that God keeps on blessing and never stop. Ialso prayed that my relationships with children and my lover keeps going with improvements. I only ask that we never fall and fail each other.. with exception of errors and mistakes we will always learn from.
I seriously want to do good in God's eyes. Though lately, I have been nothing but a liar, hiding behind my mask and living in the darkness to avoid everybody, including God. Even though I have kept on praising Him, thanking Him and all that I could from the darkness... from my hiding spot... I have felt like a bad person for a long time. I have been keeping facts from my fiance and few other things that I felt if I was not careful, it will drive us apart.
I have yet still confess to him about few things and indeed I am scared to. But there will come a day when I will open up and share what I have been going through.
Even if God didn't bless me lately, I would try my best to thank Him and serve Him. But I will never stop wondering the "why's" and being so awed at His overwhelming love and blessing. Since the past year, He kept us flowing above the line of danger.
When things were crashing, falling apart and seemingly to be hopeless; God kept us going. We wanted to step back and give up, He kept us going. He pushed us ahead instead of allowing us fall back. He held onto us gently as we felt lost and confused in what to do.
While if we had taken things in our own ways. God took control in everything that happened. I am awed at His timing and amazed at how well it all turned out. Sometimes I thought He sure was too late in some things but then again, His timing is totally different than ours.
All I can say for all that God has done in my life and those in my life... is this; GOD IS GOOD!