This quote fit perfectly for where I have been. And for what I have been dealing with lately. Seriously, it drives me nut knowing that I have ALL the things I need... sure I still have wants that are not being met but hey, I know it will come eventually.
I am very grateful for all the things we needed being met. Everything have been going too well for me to complain. Yet, I find myself terribly frustrated with how to be content with the things in our lives. I could barely feel like there's enough in what I need.
I kept wondering and thinking maybe just this one thing I needed are met, I will be completely content. Then I find myself wondering for another, still waiting for the first needs to be filled. However, I reminded myself that if I refused to allow myself to enjoy in all we have, I will never allow myself to be appreciated. I won't find myself free to enjoy everything that came and went. I always kick myself in the head every time I found myself depressed and unsatisfied.
What is there not to be happy about?! I have three BEAUTIFUL children... we have pretty steady income without trouble. We had needs that were met and more. What else am I missing? Sure, I lack of friendship with Christians and social life.. I lack of being able to get about in my life instead of always being tied at  home with same thing to do all the times.
As I have mentioned a few times, I am always trying to remember to be grateful even when I couldn't. 

Maybe having difficult time being completely content and having a strong healthy relationship with God is this one sin I kept returning to commit. Even when I knew it was wrong, I demanded myself to listen and know not to go back. But I didn't want to listen and I wanted to go back.
I wanted to get hurt and seperated just for a short pleasure in sin I committed. A few minutes of pleasure behind God's back and betrayed His love, continue in all the things that kept Him distance. Then I tried to be grateful but I could sense God's hurts in my action and didn't appreicate in my thanksgiving. I can sense Him rather having me confessed and give in to Him instead of this world.
Things of this world is passing away. Here today, gone tomorrow. But the pain remains. The betrayal, the liar I have become. Not only have I been lying to God and this passing world, but also to those I loved. It is lonely to suffer in this sin that kept me blind. I longed for one friendship I can rely on to confess and have support in moving on. I longed for this one person in my life that can give me all that I need and encourage me... I longed for this one friend.
Jesus was not alone. He was never alone. He had best friends. He had a lot of friendship with those who kept a secret and continued in wrongful lifestyle. I douno how Jesus handled those and what He have done to make them listen and understand what they were doing was wrong, to turn away from sin and look up to God instead.....
But I do know one thing; He won't ever let me go. Even on the darkest day of my life, when I will do just about ANYTHING to make Him let me go. Still He hold onto me, knowing that I will return. Hoping for my repent one day.
I wanted to run to Him on the good days and the bad. I wanted to hide from Him on the worse day and the best of my life. I wanted a normal relationship with God, no matters what I have in this world. No matter what I do and have been doing, I want what I can with God.
Because I really do believe..... If I had good relationship with God, though things won't always be perfect, but at least life would be bearable to deal with. With Him, at least I can expect things to go well with understanding that it is His will, not mine.
I have lived a perfect six months with God. I did His calling, I followed His will, I listened to His wants in my life. I had no fear. I had no worries. I worked to pay off my debts in timely manner. I obeyed God every morning as the alarm went off. I did my schoolwork in hope one day I will graduate. I went to work, knowing this is what God wanted me to do.
Six months later, all my bills were caught up. My debts were paid. [Except for two big bills which would have taken me FOREVER] One night, I went to work with a surprise in waiting. Everybody were new. I was the only original on the team.
Then God said in a very loud and clear voice; Walk away.
I got confused and stunned. "But, God, I have done all that You wanted me to do. I still have work to do. What will become of me if I have quit my job, again? How will I live?"
God was pretty persistence. "Walk away, NOW." But I was stubborn.
Just when I was about to give in and obey, I saw my roommate walk in the store. I told her of what God was telling me and she made it clear what there was for me to do. "If God told you this, then you have no choice but to obey."
I double checked with her if it was okay that I became unempolyed. She was agreeable. I was still in doubt but accept God's calling. I turned to my boss of the night and told him that  I was leaving. My boss was not thrilled. He begged me to stay til closing and then I could go from there on.
But sadly, he was not my boss. God was.
There's more long story to add after this but that be another time.
It is funny how everything to this day all depended on that one night. It was September 8, 2000.... I was bored and went out for a walk. I met a guy with two ladies who was handing out flyers. They were inviting everybody to a place with Praises and Pizza party for the night.
Since there was nothing to do, I agreed and went with them.
It was a night I will never forget. It was near the end of service when a lady asked me if I wanted to be saved. Since I was already saved but I was still lost, she knew nothing of what was going on, I went to the alter with her and prayed.
With no tears available, I prayed to God that I have gained everything in less than a year and lost everything in one night. I have given up so much in my past and decided to quit on a lot of things. Growing up, I quit everything and done nothing I dared to do.
Then I realized, because I was always crying and always so  depressed, it was time for one more thing. I never quit IN God. So on my knees, my eyes completely shut; I gave myself up the way I am to God and told Him, "Here I am, take me the way I am or just leave me. Whichever you wanna do."
And here I am, going on nine years, giving up IN God. Still I waited for that desire to be complete. What more is there to live for? Because without God, I am completely lost and worthless.....