For the past few days, while I found comfort in anger and hurting, my fiance asked me to say the grace for lunch one day. I told him I wasn't in the mood to say a prayer. Honestly, I wanted to talk with God one on one ALONE. But Joshua made a very good point. "When you didn't feel like praying, it is the good time to do it."
God gave us life so we can have relationship with Him but meanwhile, also enjoy living. We are not meant to suffer all the times and have no pleasure.
However, we have to learn the balance in our lives. As long as we make God our number one and remember Him throughout the days of our lives; we can go on enjoying anything that comes our way without worrying about treating them like an idol.
I will admit I have several idols in my house. It isn't the statues kind that would come to your mind the moment I mention that word; "Idol". Idols  come in many different form, shape, color and so on. To some people, they only worship one idol. To other, they can worship a few.
Sadly, a few apply to me. I have several idols laying around in clear sight. I worshipped them dearly without guilt or even realizing it. Slowly, though, I am finding myself breaking free from it. It doesn't matter how many picutres of Jesus you have posted on the wall. No matter how many verses posters you have hanging, no matter how many bible you own, you can always still find that one weakness. 
I used to have Jesus pictures all over the place, the verses with beautiful backgrounds applying to it hanging. I have a few bibles, trying to make one for each room and even for a car. I have a few crosses from my grandparents passing [they were catholic]  on my kitchen wall by the stove. I love having cross necklaces. I used to own a few Christian slangs on the t-shirts. I loved exposing myself being a Christian, though I am not sure just how loud that was and if it was a bragging right.
But with all those in my life, still I am stumbling. I have always stumbled in my walk with God and myself. Slowly over the years, the pictures of Jesus faded and I had no choice but to depart from it. My clothing with Christian slangs disappeared and the necklaces were broken and lost.
The only thing I refuse to depart from so far is my bible. I held onto it dearly as it is my protection. My point being, I noticed just like a newborn, once we became born again, we are so much like a newborn. And as much as the things we own, our relationship with God can be a lot alike. Broken, lost, misplaced, stolen, departed...
Honestly, I have no idea what my purpose is at blogging this. Why am I bothering with writing anything out of my opinion or even if it is guide by the Holy Spirit.... I wondered just what am I doing writing. Am I writing anything worthwhile? My relationship with God is not that great. I am what people would call, "Lukewarm Christian". I am sore into admitting that but not ashamed. I am not proud of it, either but it is who I am and I won't deny it.
But I promise you one thing, one day when I am able to get rid of the lukewarm part and become a fire on God, I will be shouting on the top of my lungs with joy.
Until that day comes, I am going to do my best to write whatever that comes to my mind. Along with my desire to serve God, I should also practice on living His words. I would love to memorizes the verses and go on with it whenever it apply to me and the surrounding.
I am weak with temptation I don't want to fight.
Tonight, I decided to walk around the building block,  since I cannot go too far from home with three sleeping children alone. I was walking toward the swimming pool to check on the schedule on when it would be open and happened to see a frog on the ground.
Since the lake is not nearby, I picked it up and decided to tend  to it care until we took it to the lake. Then a friend said, "You know what Frog means?" And that made me think, she's right. God send a frog in my path just to say hello.
I am planning to take the frog to a lake later on with my children since there's no pond or anything of the sort around here except for the swimming pool.  I wouldn't want to think about that tiny frog hopping around and possibly getting itself killed.
We do have children around here that may be cruel.
Full Rely on God... Always.