| Getting out of the way for God's sake! |
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Well, I now have had my "boots on the ground" at The Gathering Episcopal Church in Buckeystown MD for eight Sundays, not counting the work prior to my arrival (but that's another story). It's been interesting ... and a challenge to discernment.
For followers of this blog, you know I've been called into a congregation that went through some leadership problems which resulted in the departure of their founding vicar and a number of key members. I've come to learn that this situation is one with many "dirty hands" - there is no single person you can point to and say "Aha! There's the problem!" Like so many ambiguous and messy life experiences, this congregation's troubles are not clear cut. I often feel like I'm facing a mountain of spaghetti and having to carefully pull one strand at a time out, lay it flat, and let it dry ... all without breaking the strands in the process.
My challenge is to bend without breaking ... both for myself and for the congregation. Where do I need to bend and where is it that bending becomes compromising to the point of losing the Gospel message? It's a difficult thing with this congregation as they were founded to be a "different kind" of Episcopal Church. Their prior vicar was not originally Episcopalian (a source of some of the leadership troubles) and the members, while many are Episcopalians, want to "do church" in a "different way." Let's just say you aren't going to hear Rite I anytime soon.
I consider myself pretty flexible and I can worship with a PowerPoint projected. It's not so much the style, but the substance. Some of the theology which has seeped into this congregation's identity isn't exactly what you would call Anglican. Call me orthodox, but I can't stomach "decision theology" very well ... and I found plenty of that sprinkled through their worship, web site, and other content. I do believe Christ calls us rather than we make a "decision for Christ." The latter just sounds way too much like a sell out to our consumerist culture. Like we can "decide for Jesus" just like we can decide to buy "new and improved Tide." Do I think we have a role in responding to Christ's call? Absolutely! But the problem I have with decision theology is that the locus of action is on the human making a decision, not on call from God. It's all about "my decision for Jesus" rather than "Christ's call and my response."
Maybe it's an ordination thing, but I see everything in terms of discernment and call. I know I'm not alone in this, but it seems like this is new language within the congregation. I'm probably making them a little nuts with it, but I can live with that.
For me, I'm discerning where and what Christ is calling me to be for this congregation. I don't want to be "super priest" (or "super deacon" as is the case for these few months until I'm priested). I've heard the former vicar "did everything" and I'm very aware how that leads to burnout. But I also need to know where to "get out of my own way for God's sake" and let the congregation take leadership. It's the fine line of where to go to the mat on something because its an issue worth "mortgaging the Gospel" for and when to back off and let things be (and especially in light of not wanting to step on the gifts of others).
I guess I'm somewhat troubled that I think I crossed that line this week. I told a member of the congregation about how worship would happen on one Sunday after he offered to help. His ideas would have been great, if not for some logistics problems which prevented doing the worship the way he wanted to do it. I felt I needed to put my foot down to keep things from getting too complicated for the whole congregation and I probably offended him. So, was I getting in God's way and stepping on a member's gifts or was I trying to keep worship from getting overly complicated for a bunch of folks who are spiritually and physically exhausted from the issues they've been fighting for a year? My motivation was certainly the latter, but at times it feels like the former.
I ran across a great prayer from Fr. Mychal Judge, OFM. Fr. Mychal was the chaplain for the FDNY who was the first casualty of the terrorist attacks on 9/11. This prayer was on the back of the local hospital chaplain's business card. Until I checked it out, I didn't know Fr. Mychal was a Franciscan (which resonates with me as I have a cousin who is also a Franciscan). His prayer is this:
Lord, take me where You want me to go;
Let me meet who You want me to meet;
Tell me what You want me to say;
and Keep me out of Your way. To me, that says it all - especially the last line. "Keep me out of Your way" ... for God's sake! |
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