Why trying to gain the world, if it would probably end up hating you anyways? The harder you tried to impress others into liking you and taking control of how your life runs, the deeper your soul dig into the darkness. Sure, I have learned that a long time ago and because of that lesson, I am not too worried about being "popluar" because I knew it would not have gotten me anywhere.
Though, I am only seeking desperately for ONE thing... having friends. Someone that I can talk with and turn to when in needs. Christian friends, to be exact. Funny, I came to realizing that when I met up with group of people, only ONE asked me how I was doing.
A friend would ask you about your well beings. Not just, "Hey, wassup?" That's not exactly directing what you need to be asked. Not directing on how a person is being your friend. They are more of a social kind of people you hang out with and see once in a while.
Tonight was a tough one. Suddenly headache came out of nowhere and it got worse over the night. I enjoyed my time with kids watching movie, playing Candyland and eating pizza. But when it was time trying to get them in bed, they were fighting with each other, nagging one another and getting on my nerves. I gave in my anger and told them to go straight to bed. It was it. Course, they went to bed crying their eyes out and I didn't get the chance to hug them, telling them good night or if I loved them still...
That always end my night terribly. And that is the night it always make me wonder if I have done anything good. Tonight was the reason I never felt that my day was fulfilled and content. I am not feeling so complete every night because it's always missing something.
It is pointless going through life without confessing... There are a lot of things I am dealing with that it is only making me struggle. I know it is easier just to pour it out to God and let it all go, confessing to Him how you feel, what you think and whatnot... without worrying.
I think that's my main problem. I have so much to admit and I kept on denying because I am so afraid of them being true. And that if they are true, what of it? Will any of this confessions come back to haunt me and make me regret into admitting the fact?
The truth that I deny burns a new hole in my heart everyday I ignore them. The longer I deny them, the more angry person I have become.