I can remember when I was younger and people would speak of how good God was and what he has done in their lives and I would think that they were crazy.I also thought that the bible was something made up and alot of fools were just following behind someone who was an absolute genius for getting so many people to believe.It wasnt that I didnt believe, I had no faith,I was the type of person you must show and prove, or give me the proof that I can see for myself.But my eyes were not yet open,my heart was not quite there,and my mind was definitely fixated on destruction because of it.I guess I really was the sheep who losted its way.My parents put me on the right rode and forced me to believe in this higher power which I grew to despise.And also it didnt help, we as a family would jump from one denomanation to another.That really confused me even more,how could the same bible mean so many different things to different churches.I believe thats how the doubt came in. As I grew older I began to question and depict every word that I didnt understand,and my doubt turned into suspicion and then when you dont understand something you either research it or let it go.I choose to let it go cause I felt at the time the Lord wasnt answering any of my prayers,I asked for understanding and I asked him to help me and I felt he wasnt listening to me, so I cursed Him (God).It even was a time I demanded him to do things and it wouldnt happen and all I could say is where is he? where is this God you speak of,he is definitely not here in my life.(that was my proof,he wasnt there). Boy was I lost,I today understand alot of things that went on and why I felt abandoned by God.And years later down the road God answered my prayers and everything started to become clear,and I recieved all the things I asked for when I was younger and I have a better understanding of the word.Now all the things I heard when I was younger makes sense now.I remember that saying that he might not come when you want him, but hes right on time.And boy is that true,cause God was always there and he carried me thru years of turmoil and self destruction.I now see that I now have faith,and I now have knowledge and wisdom and understanding of what Christ has done for me.I still dont know why it took years for it to click,but Im so glad that the light is turned on now,I love God and I am so thankful that he protected and kept me all thru the years that I cursed him and turned my back to him.He is truely a forgiving God and a great and enourmous force, that is so unimaginable,but I believe now, and I KNOW, he loves and protects me,even after my many many sins.I have repented and fell to the bottom of the pitts,and he pulled me out and made me a better person.I love the Lord and I praise the Lord and I give him all the glory.By right the way I was living and the things I was doing I should of been dead a long time ago.And thats where I see the goodness of the Lord,he was always there in my life and I always felt something,I just had no knowledge of what it actually was until about 2 years ago.And the funny thing is now the table has turned and I am the one walking around saying how good God is and giving him praises and telling alot of nonbelievers (because alot of people that I hung out with were just like me)and they believe that Im crazy and brainwashed.Its so strange,but I get it and I am truely a walking testimony,and I testify every chance I get.I love to talk about Gods goodness and undeniable capabilities to forgive even a person like me....THAT I WAS..