This is truly a  test we all go through. We have desire to serve God and be pure to have a great relationship with Him. Our soul is so excited and anxious to be connected with our Father. However, our soul is always at battle with the flesh.
We see something that stray us from God. Lust, money, idols, lack of commitment... so much more always comes into our lives unwelcome, yet we welcome it warmly sometimes.
At the moment, I am tempting to give in with my sin, not wanting to care because it is always easiest way to deal with temptation. But I know deeply that if I have given in, I will feel horrible, disconnected and lost. All over again. The wall I desperately trying to tear down, comes building right back where it was left off at.
The connection I have with God is lost. It has been lost for a long time. But I am desperately trying to reach out and change that.
Today, my daughter had her Kindergarten graduation. Since this is my first time witnessing something inspairing and new, tears unexpectly found it way to my eyes. I was burning with pride for my daughter to finished her first year at school.
She looked around for me from the stage. The light was so bright she couldn't see me. Until I came closer to the stage, she found me and beamed with joy. Smile shined on her face like a sunshine. She was so happy seeing me.
Then that got me to thinking about how God always felt. Watching us accomplish something, even if it's so small, He burned with pride for what we have done so far. Watching us taking our first step in early Christian life. Feeling so proud watching us being born and growing.
I have never felt such a great pride before. [Take note, there are two types of pride. One that can be really bad and destory us. But there are good kinds, also.] I felt so proud of Mercy reaching this far and being happy to get where she is.
The Bible, being full with wisdom, warning, love and so much more... is suppose to help us get by through this life. Though I wished it would be a bit clearer. The Bible is our manual with a lot of things and people. But it isn't always easy to understand.