It's been six months since I last posted here. It is not that I haven't had any more thoughts about my faith, it is just I haven't felt the ability to put it into words. But I have a thought today that is bothering me, so I here it is in raw (mostly unedited) format.
12:46 the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know, and will punish him, and put him with the unfaithful.
12:47 And that servant who knew his master's will, but did not make ready or act according to his will, shall receive a severe beating.
12:48 But he who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, shall receive a light beating. Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required; and of him to whom men commit much they will demand the more.
I believe I have been blessed with the gift of being able to grasp and understand things easily, even when little I always found myself getting made fun of by kids my age because I was the nerd of the class. This of course carries through to my religious education. I grew up in a church and as such learned much. I had a family full of pastors and learned from them (both directly and indirectly). On top of that I am a curious person and was hungry to study the Bible on my own and learned even more. I point all of this out to explain that I have had every chance one can get to be educated in the Word of God.
Yet because of this fact, the above scripture always makes me stop and tremble. God has blessed me with much, on top of what I just explained I was born into the richest country in the world. The last time I checked online, my small salary (compared to those in this country), is a higher yearly income than 98% everyone else in the world. I've never known true hunger nor really feared for my life. Much has been given to me, and one day I will stand before my maker to give an accounting of what I have done. I find that I am without the answer if I have been a good steward of these things.
As always when my birthday comes around and this last year especially, I cannot help but feel there is more that I should be doing. Loving more, giving more, being more like Christ. Yet I find that I am still very much a sinner and fall very short of the standard I feel I should be holding up.
Tonight reminded me of things that I have long bothered me about the church and how it deals with the world, and what needs to be done to correct it. But perhaps the more important questions for myself are:
How am I dealing with the world on behalf of Christ? And what am I going to do about my own shortcomings?
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