There was a time in my life when, in order to compensate for crushing shyness, I turned to drugs and alcohol. I knew the Lord. I had a rich prayer life. But being excluded from all the "fun" in my first years of college was more than I thought I could bear, and I believed that alcohol and drugs would help me compensate for the fact that I was just too scared to talk to strangers.  For a season it all seemed to work. I became very popular within the party crowd, while still managing to attend and pass all my classes and run four to five miles a day (if I was going to be an addict, at least I was going to be an intelligent and healthy addict). I walked knowingly into sin, eyes wide open, no demon dragging me along--it was my choice--and I knew I was hurting my Lord. 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (I Cor. 6:19-20); "Everything is permissible--but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others . . . So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble . . . (I Cor. 10:23-32); "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin and wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness" (Romans 6:13); "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! . . . The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:21-23).  And I should have died.  I mixed alcohol and drugs, uppers to party, then downers to sleep, and drove under the influence.  But the worst part--the most devastating part--was the day I realized that people were no longer interested in hearing what I had to say about Jesus.  I wasn't demonstrating the life of a sinner saved by grace, just the life of a foolish sinner, and I had murdered my witness.  That was my spiritual low.  I did love my Lord, but I hadn't showed Him, hadn't even spoken to Him in a long time, but He never stopped loving me.  I could see and I could feel His tears over me as He patiently waited for the moment I'm sure He knew would come, and when I cried out from the depths of my sin He was there instantly, and I was instantly delivered.

I'd love to say that I spoke to those addict "friends" about Jesus and they were saved, but that didn't happen.  There are always consequences for our sins. I had to begin again, and it wasn't until years later in a new place that God reinstated His plan for my life. In the long process though, He did deliver me from my shyness, particularly when it comes to sharing His word.  In fact, He placed me in a career where speaking to groups is essential, and in a job where sharing the love and the word of God is expected. Praise God that through it all He did "not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (I Sam. 16:7b). There are, however, two parts of that verse to consider--the Lord does know the heart, but man continues to look at what can be seen with the eyes and heard with the ears, and if we are going to be effective witnesses that make a difference for the Kingdom of God, if we intend to fulfill His potential in our lives, we must demonstrate holiness as much as we are able. We can pray to be no longer "conformed to this world," but to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds."  That is a prayer God is pleased to answer.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature can not please God. You, however are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you" (Romans 8:1-11).

Jesus, thank You for saving me from myself and my bad choices. Thank You that You have loved me and removed my sin as far as the east is from the west.  Thank You for looking at my heart and not at my outward appearance.  Thank You most of all for second and third and fourth and fifth chances--I'll never get it right in this mortal flesh, but I praise You for getting it right for me, and lifting me out of the grave to new life in You. And Lord, I know You are no respecter of persons. Just as You reached out to me and gave me victory, please reach out to those who are lost in addiction today; please send them reassurance that if they confess their sins, You are faithful and just to forgive their sins, and to cleanse them from all unrighteousness. Minister to them by Your all-powerful, all-consuming love, and set their feet on Your paths. Amen