| The End of June |
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Well, June is almost gone. I took a job as a legal secretary because I need to make more money than subbing pays, but while I'm not really happy, I'm at peace with it. Somethings just have to be the way they are.
We celebrated our 23rd anniversary on the 6th. It's amazing and wonderful to spend that many years with someone who is your best friend and the love of your life. I look forward to many many more days and nights beside him.
My baby turns fifteen tomorrow. I can't believe it. I made the others wait after their 15th birthdays to get their learner's permits, but he'll probably get his next week. I guess I finally figured out it doesn't stop them from growing up. It just aggravates them.
My grandson will be one next week. He started day care on Tuesday because my daughter started her internship as a dental assistant. I don't love the idea of him in day care, but apparently, he likes it. I'm very proud of her for working so hard this year. I know it wasn't easy for her to go to night school and keep up with everything with a new baby. But she did it.
Although I still think it's usually best if mother's of young children stay home, I understand that it isn't always possible. Even if it's possible, because everyone in the home is willing to sacrifice to make it happen, it still isn't always for the best.
I still like to be home. Even with only a fifteen year old at home, and him gone to Jacksonville for the summer, I like being home. I can't help it -- I'm a homebody. There truly is no place like home in my opinion.
Of course, all my hobbies are based here at home. Writing, reading, cooking, sewing. I was probably born a century too late. But things are as they are, and I was born in a modern world where it is almost impossible to live without both spouses working outside the home.
The last few years have been a very introspective time for me, a time when I began to accept myself for who I am. What I've found is that I am a person who likes to feel rewarded at the end of the day. I like to step back and see what I've done. I like the rewarding pop of cooling jars when I'm making pickles or jelly. I like the feel of setting a steaming pot on the table and lifting the lid. I like the rewarding feel of holding up something I've sewn together that actually resembles what it is supposed to be (this is happening a little more frequently). I like writing "The End" and feeling like I've been released by the characters at long last. I like closing the back cover of a book and feeling like I invested the last hours, days, or weeks well by reading it.
At the end of the day, I've never felt very rewarded as a legal secretary. Oh, the money is good, but there isn't a feeling of wonder to it. Perhaps I've come to expect that feeling of wonder too much. I don't know that most people feel that way about their jobs, so maybe I'm wanting too much. For a decade, I worked as a secretary in several law offices, and I gave up on that wonder. I gave up on that feeling of being fulfilled and rewarded by what I do with my days. In the last year, however, I rediscovered it. I rediscovered me, I guess. I realized that working with children is what makes my days worthwhile.
So the question is, where do I go from here? Do I go back to school and get my teaching degree (which I regret not doing years ago) or do I work with children in my spare time at church? I'm not sure what the answer is. Right now, I have to play it by ear, but I don't doubt when the time is right, the doors will open and the answer will be right there, clear as a bell.
For now, I'll just enjoy the daily ride through some very beautiful country to a job that I like well enough and then back home where I belong.
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