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| Why My Family is Leaving the Parsonage |
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Some people on FB asked me what is going on in our lives, since my family is moving out of the parsonage. And, I?m not.
I have replied privately to several individuals and this post will add nothing factual to what I have said. So, if I?ve already filled you in, you don?t need to read this. Also: please bear in mind that this is (as they say) a ?developing story? and there are likely to be (currently unforeseen) twists and turns along the way. Nothing about this story is a secret, however, so I don?t see any reason I can?t tell the facts as they currently are. Please bear in mind, that this is being told from my point of view, I presume that other people would tell the story differently. My wife and my daughter know that I am writing this, and have approved of the way I spoke of them. (So, come to think of it, this is our family?s point of view.)
Right off the bat I?d like to say: my family is not leaving me, exactly. They are leaving the Carlisle church (which only my wife has attended anyway) & the parsonage. I fully support them in that decision. I am remaining in the parsonage. My family is moving out. (At least that is our intention.)
We have an unusual family. I realize that. Some people will never understand. We actually love, respect and support each other (instead of attempting, for example, to impose our will on each other). Nothing will change that. We are not especially strict or legalistic or judgmental people. (Yes, I know. That must seem strange, given all the old Holiness literature I host on this site. But, if you?ll examine that message closely, you?ll see that Holiness is Perfect Love and is, thus, in theory, opposed to all types of legalism.) We are actually committed to each other.
Sometime last year (it may have been late summer or fall) my wife Robin offered our house (the church-owned parsonage) as a place for Rebekah's fiancée Ben to stay, so that he could get a job (since there were few jobs in the Mt. Pleasant area, where his family lives). Rebekah & Ben are committed to saving sex for marriage. This was just an attempt to help them get on their feet. Rebekah isn't really ready for sex and marriage and children at this point. At the time of this invitation, Rebekah had a job at Perrigo. She was working on a contract basis, but we had hope that Perrigo would pick her up.
Ben got a job at the nearby Target store. The pay is not much, but it?s something.
Was I consulted about this decision? No. Would I have objected if asked? Yes. But, my objections would have been personal (for example, issues of privacy), not moral exactly. Maybe I could have been convinced. But, anyway, we all thought this was going to be very temporary.
But, just at the point when they were going to move out, Rebekah lost her job, so the four of us continued living in the parsonage.
Apparently, a malicious rumor campaign was started at the church, that there was a couple living in sin at the parsonage ? and that the church was, in effect, condoning this.
Robin feels that if she cannot help her daughter & future son-in-law get on their feet because she is living in a church-owned parsonage, then she cannot live in the parsonage. We haven?t complained, but the parsonage was never suitable for Robin from the beginning. Robin's allergies have reacted to the mustiness in the basement. She has been spending extra money on allergy medicine.
We?ve done a bit to improve the place. We spent our first Thanksgiving here taking up the old dog-urine-soaked carpet out of the "Dining Room" area. We paid out of pocket to have the main floor bathroom repainted, so we wouldn?t be embarrassed when a guest stopped in. We paid to have a deck built onto the back so that Robin could have a birthday celebration back there last September.
Here are the most recent developments:
Tuesday night the Staff Parish Committee voted to evict Ben within 30 days. I told them that, as far as I knew, if they did that Robin & Rebekah would also move out. So, they voted this way in full knowledge that that would happen.
Had the committee investigated the issue? No. Had they spoken to Robin or Rebekah or Ben about the situation? No. Had they offered to help? No. They issued an ultimatum.
I understand that it was not unanimous ? it was a split vote. I think the decision is also probably invalid ? since an employer cannot regulate the personal lives of its employees that way & since the parsonage is a benefit provided to the pastor & since there is no prohibition against "extended family" living there. But, in a way, it doesn't matter. They voted that way in full knowledge of the consequences. Robin feels they voted her out of the church. I feel she is correct about that. And, she'd be better off in another home anyway.
One of the problems here is my deep-seated anger over this. I don't even know how I?m going to talk to the congregation (many of whom, at this point, do not even know what has happened). So, prayers would be appreciated.
And there?s a further irony: some people in the church had planned a special Bar-B-Q this Sunday ?to honor the pastor.? Really. Life is crazy. A lot of people had signed up. But, Tuesday night I told the fellow who organized this that it would just be too strange to go through with it ? when Robin would no longer be attending the church with me. (And, I cannot be trusted right now to have the calmness of mind to speak to this issue publicly.)
I don?t intend to address the issue publicly. I will respond to questions privately, if people ask. And, (of course) I am awaiting a call from my DS. That may change things a lot.
At this point all we know for sure is that Robin will never be attending this church again, and my family is moving out of the parsonage.
Sometimes love & commitment to your family makes you do strange things. But, it only looks strange from the outside.
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| July 19, 2009 |
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