God spoke to my spirit this morning about reposting this. He was showing me that seeing with God's Eyes is more than seeing yourself through His eyes, but seeing our brothers and sisters with His eyes. There is so much judgment and condemnation going on in the world and sadly the body of Christ. It's not just here in MC, but everywhere and it seems the anonymity of the internet brings out a rudeness that you would never see face to face.
Whenever I would pop in here from time to time, I kept hearing they need to understand about blessing and cursing. Whether it is spoken or written, is what is coming out of your mouth a blessing or curse. So many people do not understand the power of their words. When you are arguing with your family you are putting a curse not only on them, but into your home. That spirit of strife, anger, judgment, jealousy, intolerance, superiority, pride, control, self-rightousness, insecurity, and every foul thing is not only attacking that person, but residing in your home. The same thing happens in your church home and here with our family on MC.
Are you going to put blessings or cursing in your home? A long time ago God spoke to my spirit about people who had been particularly cruel to me. Those who have already read the first post understand part of the story. One day when I was passing one of them, my spirit reacted with such anger and even though curses didn't come out of my mouth they certainly were in my spirit. I cried out to God, "How can you expect me to love these people" and He simply spoke to my spirit " How can you expect me not to love them." The power of those words transformed me. I understood to love God is to love His beloved.
6:27 But I say unto you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, 6:28 bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you.
That means with every thought, action, and word are you seeing with God's Eye's?
In God's Eye's
43:4 Since thou hast been precious in my sight, `and' honorable, and I have loved thee; therefore will I give men in thy stead, and peoples instead of thy life.
I'm a little boy with glasses, the one they call a geek a little girl who never smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth and I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground who is always chosen last I’m the one who is slower than the others in my class You don't have to be my friend but is it too much to ask
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same some day we'll all have perfect Wings Don't laugh at me
I'm the beggar on the corner You pass me on the street I wouldn't be out here begging if I had enough to eat and don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet
I was born a little different I do my dreaming from this chair I pretend it doesn’t hurt me when people point and stare There’s a simple way to show me just how much you care
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me
I'm Fat, I'm thin, I'm Short, I'm tall, I'm deaf, I'm blind Hey aren't we all
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me
I know what it is like to be laughed at. I have been sick all my life. One doctor actually said "when God put you together He didn't do a very good job." I wasn't physically, mentally, or psychologically good at sports, so I was always chosen last. I never understand the concept of taunting so I took all the remarks personally which made it even more difficult to relate. I was extremely thin 5' 6" and 98 lbs. Some how people seemed to think it is not rude to make fun of you if you are thin. I didn't develop until I was 17 and in college. Horrifying when you are surrounded by voluminous friends.
I have severe digestive problems which makes me very smelly. My stomach is more like a colon. It is long with a pace maker at each end. So when I eat food it just shoots it into my colon without proper digest. Plus I have celiac disease and lactose intolerance. All these make tremendous amounts of gas. I also have a muscular problem that makes it incontinent. Funny with friends who love you...not so funny when you are a kid and have no understanding of what is going on...or in church with people who are suppose to be "loving." I have had the most awful things said to me in church.
After my husband left me I was devastated. I was so sick I had blood just pouring out of me. I went to church anyway thinking the fellowship would do me good. A guy near me said " my God no wonder her husband left her." I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Interestingly my friend who was sitting right next to me never smelled a thing. Somehow people who love me say they never smell anything. Maybe I am just reacting more to the people who have hateful spirits. My Pastor at the time said this man's smelly spirit was much worse than my smelly body. Anyway, after so many similar experience, I don't attend church anymore. Thankfully, I have a church that has online services.
I know I am not alone. Very few people have escaped the pain of the ridicule of others. We all have to face our own imperfections. When you are overwhelmed by the person you see in the mirror, see yourself through God' eyes. In God's eyes we are all the same. We're all just sinners saved by grace. Before God forgave us we were all spiritually dead. All equally dead, you can't get any deader than dead. But through Christ we can be forgiven. When God looks at a forgiven person, he can’t find one sin. When you are forgiven, God can’t find a person on the entire planet, more forgiven than you.
In God’s eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance. In God’s eyes, there is no pain too hard to bear nor weaknesses too weak to be overcome. God sees all our potentials. God sees our light when all that we can see are our shadows. God sees this person who falls but who has the power to get up again and again. God sees this person who gets hurt but does not become hard or bitter, only softer, more resilient to change. God sees you. God cherishes you. God’s eyes love you more than anyone could ever love you as you really are. God loved you so much that He gave His only son. No matter how much he loves others, he couldn’t possibly love anyone else more than he loves you. No suffering or tragedy will ever separate you from God’s love
8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 8:39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Brenda, This is rich! This is the world we live in and a picture of the need set before us, whom have recieved Gods' love. Thank you so much for laying this before us. I love you, Precious.
That took tremendous courage to write. I am humbled by your courage. I have often found it difficult to speak of having no real teeth. Wearing dentures at 16 was my curse. Having my teeth break at work, having to run out and get an emergency appointment and pay money to have them fixed, it is humiliating. Having surgery and dealing with no teeth and even had to beg to keep my teeth while giving birth as my husband had not seen me without them. All that still seems easier than what you have been dealt with.
I have worked with a few people who are paralyzed, worked for them and the dealings with bowel and bladder programs can be difficult to overcome.
I am sending my big hugs to you to sweet lady. You can come sit by me anytime, love, juanita
We can never judge someone else unless we have walked in his or her shoes... I echo Kathy's prayer: God, forgive us for every precious heart we have trampled. Brenda, one of the things you mention is celiac disease. Are you familiar with eating gluten-free? Doing that helps a lot of the digestive/bowel symptoms. I don't have celiac but I know a lot about about it because of some similar issues. Once my doctor told me to totally avoid wheat and gluten, as well as dairy/casein, my life was changed. It was an answer to desperate prayers. What a difference it has made in my life! Perhaps eating that way would help you also, if you haven't tried that way of eating yet. When followed strictly (and continued on a life-long basis) the body can begin to heal and it is absolutely an amazing miracle. My doctor says it is the only "cure" that seems to work for that particular problem... Having said all this, even if there seems to be no "cure" in sight, you are still greatly loved in God's eyes.
Brenda, I agree with Juanita that this took a lot of courage to write. I am so sorry for the all mean, hurtful things said to you. I would be delighted to reserve a seat by me too whenever you want to visit. Hugs to you sis xoxo
It took more than courage to write. I understand perfectly what you mean Bren, because I too am facing a situation that's hard to overcome - let alone deal with. Let's say people who have 'problems' are not supposed to feel anything, so they sit there contained - boxed-up in those feelings, feeling everything, but supposedly (to the outside world) feeling nothing. And feeling everything - when people don't understand - is exactly where some of us are. And as one person has said here, never judge a person till you've walked a mile in their shoes. And I'll add: cos one day you just might be wearing them. And the next question I'll ask is: how do you feel?
Preston – My precious friend. Thank you. You are right about the need for love in the world. It is easy to talk about love, but the real challenge is to show God’s love. Thank you for all the kindness and love you have shown me. Love & Blessings.
Juanita – Thank you. You are very courage yourself. I have appreciated all of you candor. It gave me the courage to share. It would be very difficult to loose your teeth at 16. Our smile is usually the first thing people notice. I am not sure if one thing is any more difficult than the other. Thankfully our Heavenly Father is there with open arms to get us through whatever life challenges us with. Yes, bowel and bladder problems are difficult to deal with and embarrassing.
I spent a summer in a wheelchair after my father died. That was a very traumatic time for me. I had just seen my father with his entire body completely burned. I walked in the emergency room right after the accident and was quickly rushed out because it was so gruesome, but not a sight you forget. My mother who was not thinking clearly thought we only have 30 days of insurance and insisted that I have a surgery that wasn’t really necessary yet. So, I went back to school barely walking, with post traumatic stress, and all the issues I have shared. Let’s just say I had a horrible time in High School.
I guess I have gotten a little carried away on your reply, but I have seen a few long comments from you, so I am sure you will understand. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share all this information. Not only because it is embarrassing, but because it is difficult for me to write, both physically and mentally. Praise God, my mind is working a little better this morning. That is why I leave very few comments on everyone’s blogs. I hope you all can understand. It’s also difficult for me to read long blogs and remember. So…I leave stars and let you know I was blessed while I was reading. I am going to need to take a break and come back and finish my replies.
Ya know Brenda, I am healed enough now to get myself to Sunday Service. And the next time I go and every time. I'm taking you with me. And when I'm singing along with the praise and worship songs, I'll be singing for you also. I pray that when I'm doing this you will feel Gods presence and embrace Him and may the anointing of the Holy Spirit remove your afflictions!!
3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
((((((((((((((((((((Brenda))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you for wiriting this. Yes I know how it feels to be picked on, taunted and ridaculed* for being different. It wasnt easy and I rebelled!! Today with al my health issues I knowin God's eyes I am loved & I am ok. I don't care anymore what people have to say. I don't go into details anymore. or try to explain why i cant eat that. O well I am glad I saw this as I was ready to sign off off to a MRI of my neck and I hate them I LOVE U !!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless
Barb – Thank you so much for the star! I appreciate the prayers and information. I am familiar with the gluten-free and dairy-free diet. It has helped, but that is not all of the problems I am dealing with. It was really horrible when I was living at home. My mother feed me lots of red meat, wheat, and dairy. I was very sick. I have a very limited diet now. Thanks for the offer of recipes. I live alone and it is all I can do to put some fish in the broiler and microwave some veggies. At the moment, I am trying to get the strength to make it to the store. My sister bought a ranch in Oklahoma so I am all alone here. My daughter wants me to move back to Indiana, but the state is having a lot of financial turmoil, so I wouldn't get the same benefits as Texas. Right now it is painful to just drive to Walmart...I don't know how I am going to make it across country. Sorry for the rambling, just giving a little description of my shoes. Love & Blessings.
Joyful – Thank you so much for the star! Hugs back at you. Thanks for the offer of reserving me a seat. I would love to visit you at church. Right now I am just going to try and make it to the store. Love & Blessings.
Stevie – Thank you. No one knows better than you. I spent many years boxing up my feelings. I was too embarrassed to even talk to the people who love me. How do I feel? Well...I guess I have opened up that box here. I have wrote about my disability before. Right now I am going through a very difficult time. Walking is getting more difficult. It is painful just getting on and off the toilet. Thank God I live in a handicapped apartment with bars. I am struggling with extreme fatigue and confusion. I have toxic encephalopathy, which is a brain disease, so I really have to work to communicate. All of your prayers must be helping for me to be able to reply to the comments like I have. My interstitial cystitis is getting much worse. It's an extremely painful condition of the bladder. It feels like a blow torch up your crotch and severe back pain. I started having a stabbing pain in my bladder if I coughed or strained. The Doctor has me on new medication and it is getting better. I use to have to use a catheter to instill medication...an extremely painful procedure. I am on seizure medication which is helping. Thanks for asking. Love & Blessings.
Cece – Thank you. I am so glad you are healed enough now to go to Sunday Service. Thanks for taking me along with you! I am sure I will feel God's presence and embrace. I really miss praise and worship. My church does include the praise and worship online, but it is not the same as being part of the manifest presence of God in corporate worship.Thank you so much for the star! Love & Blessings.
I saw my son Landon after he shot himself, Bren, I wanted to. I was denied seeing Jamin, my second son because his birth defect was anencephaly and they thought I couldn't handle it. I have the memory of Landon burned into my head but it is not usually how he looked dead but how he looked when he smiled but was holding back tears, we looked at each other often in church that way. Sometimes now I do it and I have to struggle to not fall to pieces there in praise. I can't wait to see my boys in heaven. I saw my second husband on the slab too. I was the only one. It has forever changed me. I wasn't facing surgery or high school too, but it has not been an easy road.
My friend, Aaron, is going through the worst things and I weep for him often. He is my spiritual son. I will ask him to pray for you. I actually prayed for you at lunch today. I park under trees and read and pray or listen to praise or call a friend but today I prayed for you and fell asleep. It was kind of odd. But I was at peace, just talking to God about you and the pain you suffer.
Life is hard, isn't it hon. I know you know that you are loved...j
Hi Brenda, I understand what you mean about just trying to get the strength to go to the store. Frankly, I wouldn't eat half the time or get to the store but my brother has been a HUGE help to me these past few years and has been doing most of the cooking and shopping and dishes. I try to do what I can, when I can, including getting to church. I've been back in my apartment now for just over a week and I've finally begun to unpack boxes ...a few last night and some more today. I just had a shower and a rest...now I will try to unpack some more. I have to wait for dinner it seems though I'm hungry. Brother took the meat out late and it is still frozen. I have a distant relative in Toronto who also has the problemyou mention with the bladder. She has some procedure done often in hospital and is on a very restricted diet. I will keep you in prayer. God bless you sis.
Hi Bren. I'm glad you've opened up. Personally speaking, its not that you wanted to say it, its because it needed to be said. And may I also add - for your benefit, not others. And why have I said that? Its because by containing it and it being left boxed-up - it can screw you up.
If I were to side-track it, I lived with something for 38 years, and everytime I wanted to say something - it was always washed over with something like, we'll pray about it for you. Other than that, nothing more was said.
About 5 years ago, someone had what I had been living with for 38 years up until 10 years ago. Thing is, just like me - they didn't like it. In fact, in their instance - people prayed for it to be taken away. In my instance, its something I'll just have to live with, and no more was said. So there was I with all the experience, all the knowledge, but nobody wanted to know. The thing I'm trying to get across here is, until it happens to "you" - nobody wants to know. And the other thing I'm trying to get across here is (blanket statement), when it happens to "you" - how do you feel? Do you feel isolated and alone? Do you feel that nobody cares? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you not talk about it? Do you lie about it? Or do you avoid the subject altogether? If by any stretch of the imagination the answer is "yes" - then join the club. Believe it or not, there's still things to this day that I will not talk about. One reason being - people will not understand. The other being, would they be able to handle it? I repeat. I lived with something for 38 years, and when it was finally rectified - it nearly cost me my life. When this other person got it, although saving their life, they complained about it in only a way that a Christian can do - by asking God to take it away. And to this day, although living with it, they don't accept it - let alone like it. Question. Whether God-wise or doctor wise, what if the answer is no? Question. What you going to do next? Are people going to allow it to screw up the rest of their life, or are they going to do something postive with it? I repeat. The only time people want to know is when it happens to them. In my situation, I went to bible study group each week, sat right next to them, lived with it - but never said a word about it. But whenever I opened my big fat mouth about it because I knew what they were going through, it was always washed over by people saying, we'll pray about it for you. Without sounding offensive, now who needs the prayers? They sat right next to a person who'd lived with it for 38 years who had all the knowledge, all the experience and all the in's and out's of living with it - but they didn't want to know. Without sounding offensive again, read Hosea 4:6 [NIV]. People are being destroyed - not through lack of knowledge, but by a lack of understanding. And here's a food for thought. There could be a person who is sitting right next to you that has all the knowledge and all the understanding, which when coupled together - could make a difference to someone - because you (not meaning you Bren), but all the others who are out there shut them off. And all I can say to that is, Oops! I should've listened. Now I've got to cope with it - I'm going on meltdown! Question. How are you going to cope? Answer: by listening to those who have already been there.
Lastly. The beauty of the Internet is that people can find out about anything they want to. What the Internet cannot put across is, the actual heart-felt experiences behind what a person feels. People have yet to invent an Internet that physically, spiritually and emotionally feels what other people feel. The Internet provides head knowledge, but it can't put across heart knowledge. Here ends my response to all those who have got heart knowledge.
Donna – Thank you for the hugs...back at you! It's never easy to be ridiculed, but when we see ourselves through God's eyes we can know our value is not in what the world says about us. I am sorry for all that you have had to endure. I will be praying for you. I have had several MRIs lately. Just close your eyes and start praying and the procedure is over before you know it. I love you too! Thank you so much for the star! Love & Blessings.
Juanita – I can't image going through all that, but I know God will be there with us no matter what happens. Nothing is worse than loosing a child. My heart goes out to you. God has really used you to bless so many others in the mist of all your pain. Thank you for the prayers. The manifest presence of God always brings peace. That is so generous of you to spend your lunch hour in prayer. Love & Blessings.
Joyful – What a blessing to have your brother to help. I will be praying for you. Most people with IC go in the hospital or doctors office to have the catheter procedure. It was 90 miles away so I learned to do it myself. Not easy and extremely painful. The lining of my bladder is just raw and one of the medications was cortisone which I didn't realize I am allergic to. It was the most unimaginable pain and I have been through many painful procedures. I am now on oral medication. Love & Blessings.
Stevie – Thank you for sharing your experience. I agree that listening to those who have already been there is very important in learning to cope with whatever you are dealing with. That's why I started the group HeartCry.
You did it!! This is one of the most inspiring and encouraging posts I've ever read. Bren, you have blessed so many people with your honesty about your life.
May God bless you for the courage it took to write this beautiful piece of work and put yourself "out there".
I got made fun of too, hardcore, and it can really stay with you for years...which is why we gotta get it in our spirits who we are in Christ, eh? I don't care what you smell like or look like, who I see very visible in you is Jesus Christ, and I love you, Bren! You're beautiful! P.S. I know all about "gassy". I got IBS and carry air freshener in my purse....just in case. ;s
Bren, you have always seemed like such an absolutely lovely creature to me. I'm so glad this blog got such a warm reception, you deserve it!! Yes you were courageous to write it! I'm also glad I found it, a little late though. (We were out of town last week.)
Yes, it took courage to write this blog, and you had it, and received a lot of love in return! I can identify with you for other reasons, disability, premanent illnesses and other things, I know the hurtful comments, and the loneliness and felleings of rejection even inchurch where we should love oneanother. You're a star! Through all these things God teaches us to hear HIM, trust HIM, and to have a heart of compassion towards others, but it's a painful process. Supporting you! LOL.
Joey...thanks for bringing me back to this blog. Thank you for your kind words. It's been a pleasure to get to know you. Your beauty shines through on every word you write.
I must admit this blog did take a lot out of me. It has taken me a long time to be able to have the courage to put myself "out there."
Thank you everyone for all of your kind responses to this blog. Sorry it has taken so long to finish my replies. It is difficult for me to spend very much time online. I am feeling a little better. I have a wonderful new neurologist who is trying to help. I am a little overwhelmed with all the medications, but am trusting he will come up with a manageable treatment plan. He really listens and is working with me. I am not too happy about all the weight gain from the medications. I guess I can't complain too much for an almost 55 year old.
Lara - I know you have been through a lot. Yes, we gotta get it in our spirits who we are in Christ. Thank you so much for your kind words. It blesses me more than I am able to express. I love you too Lara! God bless you!
Virtuous Lady - Thank you precious lady. Love & Blessings.
Ase - Thank you sweetie. I really appreciate all of your prayers and concern. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love & Blessings.
Joey - Thanks again for bringing me back to this blog. love you! You are beautiful inside and out and are such a blessing to the body of Christ. Love & Blessings.
I love that song as it fits me in alot ways. I had a website a few years back and I posted this song. As you and I have shared I have health issues too that stem from when i was a kid, not fun at all when we do take it personal, what damage it is to our inner being. I didnt know God then like I know Him now. I like what you also said bout God's eyes. Yes I have to look at those who use such words to hurt others and Love them and Pray for them. It isnt easy somedays but eventaully i turn to god and askfor help to pray for those who r sick & still suffering. Thank u SO much Bren, I love you and sending lots of prayers & blessings ur way!!♥♥
Yahs Child - Thank you for your blessings and star. Love & Blessings
Donna - I love that song. I love you too! You have such a sweet spirit. No, it is not fun to be made fun of. It damages our soul so deeply that only with God's healing are we able to be restored. It is not easy when we see people with our own eye's, that's why we need to see them with God's Eye's. Yes, we need to turn to God and ask Him for Help to see, love, and pray. Thank you so much for your love, blessings, and prayers.
Bren, I've missed you. This is a wonder piece of work. I love the song, "His eyes are on the sparrow" I used to think I could get to a point where I couldn't be hurt anymore, it's not true. hurts always there.
Crystal - It is good to hear from you too. Thank you for your blessings and star. Sending you lots of love & blessings. There are always going to be things that are going to hurt you, but we need to be quick to turn to God and ask Him for help. Sometimes a pain is so deep that you might have to continually turn to Him to get you through. Those are the times "You need to put your Face on His" I was blessed by your blog http://www.mychurch.org/blog/472994/Jesus-Put-Your-Face-On-My-Face
I am not sure what you mean by not hurt anymore. I don't think any of us have arrived at a place that the mean & rude things said don't hurt. God didn't say our feelings would not be hurt. He just commands us on what to do with those feelings..."But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28
well I have tried to harden my heart to the point that nothing bothered me anymore. It doesn't work, I was only hurting myself by shutting everyone out, maybe even God. I was miserable either way. I told my ex once that there wasn't anything else he could do to hurt me. and it was true, I had been hurt so bad over the last 20 years by him that it didn't matter anymore. However there was one thing he could do to hurt me and I opened my mouth and spoke it, he could hurt my kids, therefore hurting me. He did.
I am glad you brought this back, Brenda. This issue of seeing everyone thru Gods' eyes is one of the keys to love. I looked at the word love not long ago and thought,... it's a Life Of Viewing Everything and Everyone, Eternally! It's kinda out there (like me, hehe) but it means kinda the same. The thing is how we "View" everyone from the eternal perspective,... or as you say from Gods' eyes,... how much He loves them, all He has done for them, and so on! This was and still is a great message. Thanks,... Bff!
Very courageous and heartwrenching testimony Bren. I too am disabled after breaking my back at level T1. My bowels and bladder no longer function in the "Normal" way and I have accidents from both ends from time to time. I used to get really embarassed about them but now I cope a lot better with Gods help. I had the same operation as Stevie Bee (which almost finished that old sod off lol) which was a bladder enlargement called a Cystoplasty or "Clam". Before that I had to wear an incontinence sheath that collected urine into a leg bag. I would often have "Blow backs" where I would get soaked in urine (always when I was wearing light coloured trousers...sorry pants) and going out for a social evening. Bren I love you so much and keep you in my prayers often. Love Stu.
Oh Bren it's much easier for people to point out others faults and disabilities, It takes the focuse off of their own. I too went through taunting when I was in junior high school. It hurt me so much , my mom never knew, I didn't want her to hurt too!. It took a long time to love myself, and I hope those who did make fun of me came to some sort of peace in their life, I have
Crystal - My dear precious friend. Thank you so much for all of your insights and input on this blog. I am sorry I am not very well, but am trying to keep up with the comments. Yes, it is much easier to point out others faults and disabilities. It does take the focus off their own pain. I recently was sharing with someone from my hometown about being terrorized by a bully. He told me that he lived next door to this boy and he was being brutally abused by his father and brothers. People didn't speak up back them. It does give some solace when you understand it really wasn't personal, they just didn't know how to get rid of the pain other than taking it out on someone else. We need to be praying for the people who are bullied, as well as, the bullies. I will be praying for God to continue healing your heart. I believe the answer is not in hardening our hearts, but softening them to be used by God. Love & Blessings.
Preston - Love Ya! Thank you my dear faithful friend. You are always there to encourage me. Yes, seeing with God's eyes is seeing with eyes of LOVE. That is the very nature of God. Love & Blessings.
Stu- Thank you for sharing your story. You are the courageous one! I know my embarrassment pales compared to all you have been through. I love you too Stu. Thank you for keeping me in prayer. I will be praying for you and your family. Love & Blessings.
Marcella - Thank you for the blessings and star. Love & Blessings.
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