There was a time in my past when I was not the same man as I am today; I did not walk the same way, I did not talk the same, nor did I live the same way. But beyond all of those, I did not love the same way. It wasn't until I got to where I am now that I could see that I had changed, that I had become a different person. And this wasn't an all of the sudden I'm a new man kind of change--this was something that took years.

Sure, I know that these two passages are among the most used, most talked about and most [fill in the blank] when someone decides to speak on love, but there's a reason for that: love is really that important.

Without going into too many details that don't add much to my account and bring up bitter memories of who I once was, let is suffice to say that I started learning to love differently in 2003. In October of the previous year I met the woman who was to become my wife in 2006 (that seems so long ago). But I think I need to go back a bit more for this to really add up.

I grew up in a less that ideal Christian home, but one of good morals and intentions all the same. My mother was originally raised Roman Catholic and my father Methodist. Somewhere along the line she became a Southern Baptist and he let it all pass him by. My mother took both my brother and I to church from as far back as I can remember, or at least as far back as I can remember clearly (although I have a few spotty memories that go further back). She was very active in the chuch and made sure that we saw that it was important to her and that we were encouraged to be involved. After several years when we were able to make our own choices she stopped requiring us to go and we each made our own choices. Unlike my brother I continued to go as I had recently accepted Christ and I was really seeking Him with all of my heart, or as much of it as a six year old could have taken time from GI Joe and books. After a while my mother stopped going to the church and I was the sole attendee from my household.

At home, things didn't really change that much; my mom still punnished us when we said or did bad things, and we watched and read bible stories. My dad, although I don't think he'd been in a church for many years for anything outside of weddings and funerals, wasn't critical of my continuing to go as he saw some evidence of what was happening in my life. And I saw elements of Christian life in his walk--charity and kindness, honesty and trust. Between what my mother had started and what my father did in his life I had a pretty good example set for me considering it was a largely non-religious household.

So now fast-forwarding a bit now... I'm in my late teens and doing pretty well for myself: I've got a car, good job and I am still attending church and feel like a relatively strong Christian. I share what I have with others (except my brother on ocassion), and I help other people almost to a fault. What more could there be to loving than giving everything you can to anyone you can, I thought. As it turns out, a lot more, something I wouldn't learn for a few more years.

When I first met Lauren, as I alluded before, I was not being the whole Christian that I could be (or should be as I knew quite well what I wasn't doing right). It took a pretty solid shock to my life before I made the change I had to allowing me to put my life back on track. Unfortunately for my stupidity, that shock lasted several of the most miserable months of my life. It seemed as if the drain plug of happiness for my life had been pulled and lost. At first I tried to turn to Christ, but He didn't seem to fill my void, seem to give me what I was lacking. I didn't know what else to turn to other than myself at that point. As I'm sure you can imagine, that was an utter failure, too. I had closed myself from my friends and wasn't even willing to help with things so simple as taking the trash out.

By the time about four months of despaid had transpired, I was ready to give God a second shot at my life, to allow Him to carry my load and reel me back in to His way. I pored over the bible as I hadn't done since I was still in single digits, and prayed for what seemed like hours at a time (though rarely were). Slowly, He began to open my eyes. As more days and weeks past I began to realize what God was doing: He was teaching me to love again. But this time it was different... I wasn't learning how to love as I had before, I was learning to love as God does.

Actually, that process is still on-going. He's used my wife as a way of teaching a lot of the time, and since coming to Ohio our new church as well. My old critical ways that developed during my despair have melted away and while they are not completely gone, they are much less present. I find myself doing things for people not because I think that I should, but because it gives me joy to serve. I spend time in quite, private prayer seeking God's leading. I am allowing God to melt the world out of me so that I am more the man that he would have me to be.

Upon moving to Ohio I met a man who has inspired me to continue as I saw Christ in his life so much more abundantly than I have it in mine. Although he has since passed to be with the Lord, I have that example of what a Christian life can be--perhaps as I have never seen it before--and I am aspiring to ever more please and be right with God.

Now this all started with love. The love that Christ had to die for me. The love that brought me into this world. The love that first took me to church and encouraged me to learn about God. The love of those who shepherded me in my early years. The love that God had for me even when I felt darkest that allowed Him to help me though I didn't deserve. The love that I have with my wife, my friends... It all starts with love, and builds with love and develops love. It seems to simple yet is so far from our grasp sometimes.

I know that where I am now is not where God will have me in two years time when it comes to loving as He does. By then my concept of it will probably be that much deeper. But with each passing day I learn more about God's love and what it means to live in, by and through it. I am not a perfect man, and still bear a great many flaws that I am trying to let God change as He will. I know he's working in my life... I see evidence of it all of the time in how I relate to those around me, how I choose to serve.

I've heard it said many times in the past that "God is love" and I have started to understand that in the recent years. There is a lot more understanding to gain, and a lot more God to share.