Marriage and Divorce I am not an expert on this topic, or any other for that matter. If you ask the people who know me best I am not the best husband or father around either. There is no manual to marriage; the best place to find answers is The Bible on this or any other subject. The Bible speaks of a Christian home as one where the Husband and wife are one. The husband loves his wife as he loves himself and the wife respects and reverences her husband Ephesians 5 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. The start of a relationship is easy compared to keeping one alive. It takes work and dedication from both parties. A marriage is not a 50/50 deal, it is a 100/100 deal. It is like anything else in life, you get out of it what ever you put into it. When I was younger someone told me that the first five to seven years in a marriage where the hardest. Well after being married 18 years I would have to disagree. You might spend the first 5 years getting to know your spouse but do you think they will be the same 12 years later? Or for that matter will you be the same? We must constantly communicate with the ones that we love and learn and adapt to these changes. This will keep you from drifting too far apart as so many marriages do today. Communication, now that is an important word in any relationship not just marriage. My wife will tell you when it comes to communicating I am the worlds worst. How much should you communicate with your spouse? Well, honestly as much as possible. They need to and want to know everything, the good and bad. How should we communicate? We all think of talking but there are several ways we communicate. The look on our face, a hug, holding hands, or the tone in our voice when we talk all say how we feel or what we are thinking. When I hold my wife’s hand it shows that we are one. When I give her a hug it affirms my love for her and re-assures her and visa-versa when she hugs me. Of course those are forms of positive communication but there is also the negative kind too. When you refuse to talk about a problem or when you stomp out of the room. The expression on your face can say you are mad, disappointed, sad or just confused. The point is communication is important in the growth of any relationship. If we don’t communicate the relationship will not grow. Just as reading The Bible, prayer and singing praises is how we communicate with God. Without it there can be no growth. I have to mention one of the dirtiest words in a marriage-divorce. People use all kinds of reason for divorce. I will tell you the main one is in the previous paragraph. I know there is money, sex or the lack of, adultery, anger and abusive relationships. You know with love, dedication to GOD and each other, and COMMUNICATION all of these problems can be worked out. If you are wondering why I put those two words in bold print it was to get your attention. I have prayed, searched The Bible and read several articles and you know Jesus said it in the easiest way in Matthew chapter 19. 4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 Paul talks about marriage and teaches some the things that God says about marriage and divorce. 10) Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11) But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. If we read what Jesus said in Mathew and what Paul is saying to the Church in Corinth then we can pretty much understand that God intended marriage to be forever. We all no there will be rough times; times we are tested as individuals and as a couple. These times takes dedication to ourselves, each other and most importantly God. Again I stress communication plays a major key in how a couple gets through these times together. If we continue on in Matthew Chapter 19 we see what Jesus answered concerning Divorce. 7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” I have not told anything here that you do not already know. We live in a world of “disposable” marriages. The average live span of a marriage today is 5 years. 1 in 12 couples will be heading for divorce court in the first 24 months. I have been married 18 years and stats say the I have 30% chance of getting divorced and the rate goes up the longer I am married. Do you think being a Christian make it easier look at this? A 2001 Barna Research Poll indicated that 33 percent of born-again Christians end their marriages in divorce, roughly the same as the general population, and that 90 percent of those divorces happen AFTER the conversion to Christianity. (Most people become born-again during their high school years.) By John Rossomando: CNS Staff Writer January 23, 2002. Cited in a posting from Smart Marriages Listserv on Jan. 25, 2002. Marriage is serious commitment, one that takes work and understanding, love and passion. Life is not fair. Satan will use every temptation in this world to destroy what God has put together. I know I have faced all of the temptations I have listed. If I go by the national static’s of children with divorced parents then I should be an abusive husband or divorced or both. Don’t become a statistic. Love is not always enough but God is. I know from my life’s experiences that all marriages cannot be saved for one reason or another. I also know that with God anything is possible. My grandparents knew each other for 3 days before they got married and they were married almost 70 years before my grandfather passed away. I wish each and every one of you a long and happy life. God Bless Frank Alford |
