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From: God's Minute < devotions@godsminute.org> Subject: Good Morning,everyone Date: Sunday, October 18, 2009, 11:30am Untitled document God looks down from heaven upon the
children of men, To see if there are any
who understand, who seek God.
( Psalms 53:2 *NKJV )
Dear everyone ,
Now If you know the Bible - even a little - you'll find
this to be hilarious! It comes from a Christian Elementary
School, and was sent to me by a member of our God's
Minute family.
The Children were asked questions about the Old and
New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by the children. They have not been corrected
thus ( the incorrect spelling is their own ). I hope you enjoy!
The children wrote:
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which
the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by
a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in
Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she
sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do
one to others before they do one to you. He also explained,
"a man doth not live by sweat alone."
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12
decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also
a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called
monotony.
_________________________
All My Love & Prayers,
Pastor Allen
hello all it's a cold day today here in mount hope it's only 37 out side so stay warm today well today's blog is
{think about what you watch on tv }
when you are watching tv if you are watching something
that has nasty words on it you more then likely well pick them up and use them i told my nephew one time when he was watching a video on the internet and it had nasty words he had just gave his heart to god and i ask him why are you watching that he told me it's funny i told him no it's not that is satan nasty trash that well make you talk like that he told me no it wont i am not there with them i told him hearing and see it you well do it well needless to say he went home and now is using nasty words a lot and has not been reading his bible and not been praying the last time i talk to him was not a good one because someone on the other end of the phone was not being truthful not saying no names because i am not sure who it was but anyway he not going to church at all sents back in july and he watches some not so good show a lot of people do that and they say it's ok to watch tv well it is ok to watch but not everything is good to watch like soaps that day time or night time ones like the show that come on once a week that have worldly stuff in them people that's what block your mind from the truth i have not watched nothing on reg tv for about year now i watched the news and they don't want you to know the truth about what the bible tells is coming and it is all true you need to get your noise out of trash tv and get it into some real tv some preaching because god is coming back the ones who think just because you don't hear it then it well not come well i am sorry to say just because you don't wish to hear it don't stop it at all you need to get up to date on all the happens people god is giving us a lot of sines get off your butt and watch some true movie makers that are given sines like the movie 2012 that's a sines it mite not be just like that but it is a sine left behind the movies and book's the writers where preachers and god talks to his children ok that's where the book came from the dvd's came from come on people that rock is so close to you head it about to hit you hard and if your still thinking everything is ok then you need it to hit you because we need to wake up and read the word get out of this nasty world and get into the word the word is so true and you well see the sines more clearer then you do now god opens his chilren eyes to it all so we can tell everyone who's not a child of god to give there heart to him i am asking you if you have not ask him in yet do it now the time is getting short and you need to know he loves you all please ask him to forgive you today start your life new with a god that cares for you in all ways he loves you ask him in and quit watching just anything watch what tells the truth there are a few good tv ch left there's day star and tbn lftv ins ch gmc and on gmc they play some old tv show's in the week like sue thomas fbeye and doc dr quinn there good these others are brian washing people because people are talking about did you see what happen on house last night or what happen on er last night when they should be saying i was reading matthew and saw where it tell's of jesus going to the cross oh what love that show us he felt for us but no there talking about well did you see who patty was with on er oh she is nasty well the turth be known you are nasty for see and know what she is doing people the tv is a good way to relax but it is also a way to get your mind mised up if you like to watch tv go to a bible book store and buy bible stories on dvd's there's a lot of them out there well i don't know what i can say to let you know god is coming soon get in the book and out of the set god loves you and so do we cecil and jason the burdette boy's ps there are a lot of stuff being sold on tv that is a wast of money watch where you spend it you could be helping out someone with needs well god bless you and may his light shine on you brightly on you and yours put god first and all other things after end your prayers in jesus name cece and jj
3:4 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. |
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