I have my ups and downs as I'm sure we all do. In my heathen days, I was all alone to suffer the crippling effects of depression, anger, and hopelessness. I almost didn't make it. That was then.

Now, I have words of comfort from friends and family to really help me stay up better and have more strength to face the trials that come my way. Sometimes, the worst hour is at night, when everyone is away, sleeping, or otherwise unavailable. That feeling of being all alone is depressing by itself, but added with the troubles that I'm going through makes for a really dark night...until I get the biggest comfort in my life, my bible! I can just hold it next to me and get a peaceful presence I once never knew existed. I really don't see how to get by without it. The worlds answer for me was medication. Drugs to make me feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. No pain, no joy, just a huge vacuum. Even a world without joy is a terrible way to exist. Is it no wonder many reject pills to feel? Feeling something is better than not. at least you know you're alive.

The victory I have is completely in God. To live in Christ is to live without pills. Even though some pain will come in your heart, there is the comfort of Jesus and His word. A comforted sorrow is sweet and brings one closer to the comforter. My friends, you all are so close to me, my Jesus gave me the absolute best. Things are changing in my work for the better and the long hard days on the road will be no more. Just in time. I sit in amazement at the Lords faithfulness. I get sad knowing I still fail Him, but He loves me anyway. I pray we love each other the same way, in spite of our own shortcomings. I have many but I am still blessed. I get what I do not deserve. I receive what I didn't earn or even have the right to say I should. Sometimes, despite my best intentions to fail, God gives me success.

If I only knew what God's plan for me was....ever thought that? I have and wondered if I would have the courage to do it if I knew. I think we are kept from knowing the plan to keep us from fleeing and not believing we could do such a monumental thing, and to build our faith. Almost like climbing stairs. It's a lot of little ones, not one giant step, to get us to the top. Besides, even some steps we see and think it is more than we are capable of doing, brings us to our Comforter. We need Him and He is there. The bible says so. Those words are so comforting.