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| Is It Necessary To Tell All? |
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When I became a Christian, and by this I mean the time when I truly accepted Christ, and didn‘t just say I was a Christian…I struggled with sharing with others the things I have done in the past that brought me to my knees and made me turn to Christ. I still haven’t shared those things with anyone at my church, which I started attending after all of the upheaval in my life. To my knowledge, no one knows, other than my husband. I have family that know, friends before I came to this church that know, co-workers that know, but no one at my church is aware of the things that I have done in the past, and how ashamed I am of those things.
I can’t help but feel if I tell everything, to everyone, that people will look at me differently. They won’t see who I am now, but who I used to be, and they will judge me. Even if I only tell a select few, I feel their opinion of me will change for the worse. I am ashamed of what I have done in the past, but at the same time, the things that I did were catalysts to me becoming a Christian, to making major changes in my life. I’m sure we have all had events in life that have brought us to our knees before God. Some are worse than others, but there is always something. The poor decisions I made, led to people being hurt, and led to my downfall, and I deserved the consequences that followed, but it all brought me here, to my faith, to my God.
But I still can’t share what I did. Is it vain of me to be so concerned about what others think? Would it be better for me to share all, so that someone else might be helped by what I went through? Sometimes I think yes, it would be better to share it. However, I only want to share with those who really could benefit from my experiences, not those who will judge and condemn me. How can I share with those that really need help, and not with those who will judge? And let’s face it, there are people who will judge…
I know so many people who I respect, and who I have learned of their past sins and their walk to God. I think highly of them for sharing all, for baring their souls. I guess I am just a coward, afraid that baring my soul will only cause more hurt to me or to my husband. I suffered enough from the sins that I committed, I don’t want to add to that or re-live it.
And I think to myself, is it even necessary? I can still be compassionate to someone going through a difficult time in their marriage, because I went through difficult times. Doesn’t matter what the cause of the problem is, I can still feel their hurt, their distress. I can still share things that helped me to survive.
I can feel compassion with people struggling with depression, or thoughts of suicide, because I was there…as a result of what I did. So is it even necessary to bare my soul? Or is it enough that God knows, and has forgiven me? And that I finally have forgiven myself?
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| To add a comment to "Is It Necessary To Tell All?" |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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| Deb,I have struggled with the exact same thing.Lots of bad choices in my past,and not knowing whether to share them for the same reasons that you listed.I've not shared my past life with everyone in the universe or my church ,& used to wonder if I should share my testimony.(have never done that in a group)Little by little God has let me get over my pride&my fear of how other people will judge& treat me.As I have shared my fear has turned to a freedom that I would never have believed possible.I prayed& struggled with this issue,& God has really blessed me in a way that I am more comfortable with me than I have ever been & He has used me in ways I never could have been before I began to share.I will be praying for you Deb. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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It's not necessary to share with anyone but God, of course...but the thing is, if you feel that your testimony can help others, let God use you as an instrument of that person's salvation. Tell them that you were on a collision course with damnation - and remind them that we all are without Christ - and use that as a way to open them up to a conversation about salvation. Now if the concern is sharing the sins that you committed with those you sinned against, then that is another story, I think. You're correct that it can just cause further pain, and many people will still 'share' or 'come clean' under the guise of 'I need them to know - to be honest', when often it's just to ease your guilty conscience, and it will only cause pain. You're a Christian, so I don't have to tell you that your sinner's prayer and repentance took care of the healing of your relationship with God...any earthly relationships, well, those you'll have to decide if keeping quiet does more good than baring all. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Just a second thought about this - when you are talking to a Christian, they should understand that all sin is treated the same by our perfect Lord...kinda like a blog I posted a while back, we were all in the same boat (a one-way ticket to Hell) before being saved. They shouldn't judge. However, talking to someone who isn't saved, and isn't having a 'bad life' about your descent and rising from it through God's grace might make them think they've got 'slack' until they hit rock bottom; that until they do, they don't need God. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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| Racunpoodle, thank you for your words, and your prayers. It is amazing what God can do. I have been praying about this for a while, and still haven't gotten a clear idea of what I should do or shouldn't do. There is no pressing need to tell all...but it is something I have thought about. So many people when they tell their testimonies, tell a lot of things that I don't think I would have the courage to share. Yet every story shows the magnitude of our God, and what He is able to do with us poor hopeless sinners. I do want to glorify Him, and one way would be to tell of all that I have been through, and the miracle He has done with my life. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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| GrowingInFaith, those that I sinned against already know what I did, and I have asked their forgiveness and received it. But one of those people is my husband, and I don't wish to remind him of it, or to take us back to that place again. We have gone through a lot of counseling and work to get our marriage back on track. However, I don't think I would hesitate to share what I went through with someone else if I thought it might help them through a similar situation. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Deb, I don't think I'm no one to say anything, but it seems to me that its not only your testimony, its both your and your husband's testimony. I think that if you want to share it, you both have to want to do it...
but what do I know? I'm just a 21 year old kid... :)
God bless.
I'm praying. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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| Ali, thanks...you give me something to think about. It is also my husband's testimony, so if he is uncomfortable with sharing it, I shouldn't. And I am sure, even if you are only 21, that you know plenty! Thanks for sharing! |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Deb, I think part of the question here is "what is a testimony?" We often tend to think of our testimony as being a detailed account of all our past sins, followed by "Then I met Jesus, and lived happily every after." Imho, this is a poor definition of testimony. A testimony is your personal eye-witness account of who Jesus is. Why is He important to you? What has He meant in your life? My testimony is different everytime I share it, because I am sharing it with someone different who needs to hear a different part of my story. (45 years is a lot of days with Jesus!)
I see no value at all in announcing all your past mistakes to you entire church, unless God has for some reason asked you to do so. I do see value in being totally honest, however, meaning, when necessary, to make reference to having made some mistakes in your past that you are still dealing with and processing. No details necessary. Just don't pretend to be someone different from who you are.
That said, the counselor side of me has to say something now. I can see from your post that you have not finished dealing with these issues from your past, and you need to do that, not for your church, but for yourself. Find someone you can trust, someone with whom you can be totally open and honest, and tell them everything. There are probably Christian counselors near where you are, or maybe your pastor. Issues are huge when they are trapped inside us as secrets, but when we are able to talk about them openly, they stop eating us up inside. What you don't realize is that you have a lot of company in the things you carry around, but the others are not sharing their struggles either. There's a time for that, after you have found your own inner peace, to help others who are struggling, but there's no value in telling everyone you know about all your bad choices.
Just my humble opinion! A prayer for you, Deb! God bless you! |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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| Thanks Kathy, what you said is all good advice. I really am not still dealing with my past issues. I have accepted what I did, went to a Christian counselor, personal and marital for over a year. I took responsibility for my mistakes...but I have always wondered if I should share what I did with anyone. That has always been a question that has been on my mind. I know that I would in a heart beat if I thought it would help someone. One thing that I do struggle with is a poor self image, and have always had that problem, which led to other problems and poor choices. I don't want people to know about my past because I fear that I will be put down for what I did, even though it is in the past. I forget that most people are also dealing with their own "stuff", some of which I know nothing about and never will. I know that now I am walking closely with the Lord, and I am counting on Him to get me through each day and help me to make wise choices. I do appreciate your humble opinion! Thanks! |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Deb, I can't add anything new or different to what anyone else has said. You and your husband have worked out your problems. Your husband has forgiven your sins, which is a plus for you. Our Lord and Saviour has acknowledged your sins, forgiven them and has accepted you as one of His children. I, like many other people, have chosen wrong paths in life. My wife had found Jesus Christ soon after her father passed away. I wasnt ready for the Christian life. I struggled with it for a long time, the fact that my wife was spending more time with Jesus and leaving no time for me. Our Church (and yes, I say that with great joy) had gotten a new Pastor about 6 yrs ago. I went and listened to his first sermon and I never stopped going. I now currently am one of the Head Ushers and am currently seeking to be an Elder for our church. I will admit, it was a struggle for me at first, because of things from my past. When I first started going, I was unsure of alot of things, but my main thing was if God has accepted me as one of His children and forgiven me of my Sins. I never really talked to alot of people. It was to the point where I walked through the church with my head hanging down, as if I was ashamed. But one day, I got my answer and I was finally able to walk proudly into church with my head held high, knowing I was accepted as one of His children and that my Sins were forgiven. My main point to you is this : The most important people in your life right now know about your past. They have accepted it and have forgiven you. That's all that matters. From your original post, it sounds as if you are a very compassionate person. My prayers are that God will show you ways to use that compassion in helping others that are in a similar situation as you. God does work in mysterious ways.
P.S. If you haven't already, take a listen to a song called "God Will Make A Way" by Don Moen. It helped me through alot of struggles. |
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Deb, great post with some solid answers back to you. I can't really add much new, so I will simply say one thing:
Don't share all. It doesn't do anything except draw attention to you and that is not what you or anybody needs. However, when the time comes, and it will come, make sure you have yor testimony worked out so you can share it. God will use your past for His glory. That means, if you are a willing vessel, He will provide ways where you can share your mistakes to others to either instruct them (so they don't do the same things) or to encourage them (because they have already done them). Be ready with a testimony of what God did for you. This will very possibly happen in a very private setting where only God gets the glory. Watch and see what God will do.
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| August 10, 2007 |
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Deb, I read the post, but not the comments, so forgive any repeats :) First of all, my testimony is anything but boring :) Like you, there is lots and lots of shame. The devil wants to constantly remind me of my past. But as Carmen said, I remind him of his future :)
I think that we should share our testimony as the Lord leads. If the Lord leads us to share in a public forum, we need to be sensitive to the Spirit in what we should and shouldn't say. I find more often that he has me share some things with some people and not all. I think this is a Spirit led approach. I don't think we should just go around and say everything we did BC. But if we are led by the Spirit, it can heal the broken hearted and give hope to the lost.
But some things are better left unsaid :) We live in a "tell all" world. People talk about abortions in the same way they talk about being out with the flu. They talk about sex as if it were everyone's business. I will probably never post my testimony on the web (although I have learned to never say never to God :) Very few of my friends on here know much of anything about my testimony. My Pastor knows the most, because he was one of the first Christians I met when I got saved, and I was still in a "tell all" mode.
Great post! |
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| August 11, 2007 |
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Matthew, thank you for sharing. It was a struggle for me to when I first started attending this church, because I was so ashamed. At that point, I had not forgiven myself, but something that I learned shortly after coming to this church was that God doesn't want us to keep beating ourselves up over the mistakes we made. Sure, I have regrets, and there will always be a sense of sadness at the choices I made, but it is over and done with and I need to move on. I finally forgave myself after years of struggling with it. My original, and I guess you could say official testimony, is here...My Testimony I shared enough there to get the idea across and not too many specifics. Like you said, God can make a way, and if He wants me to use what I have been through to help someone else, He will provide the way and the time to do it.
DC, like I said to Matthew, God will make a way if He wants me to share more than what I have already shared about my past. Hopefully I will be ready with whatever He asks of me.
Sue, I think the devil enjoys making us feel shame. I doubt that I will ever post my whole testimony on the web either, or anywhere else for that matter! And you are right, when we are led by the spirit, He will tell us what to share and when. |
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| August 12, 2007 |
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Deb, Sadly people do get fixed on the details of one's life and not the miracle standing before them. I struglled with telling "how" bad I had been and later came to realize that I should have focused more on how great God was in bringing me out of all of that.
Having said that, I feel you shouldn't share unless God leads you to. Everything you have gone through has prepared you to minister to someone who will have through the same type of thing and only you will be able to minister in that unique situation. For example, there are some people I can reach better because of my past; some you will reach better than I for the same reason. This makes me think of Paul. He didn't forget about his past, but used it to fuel his passion to press on towards Jesus Christ. |
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| August 13, 2007 |
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| Youth Pastor, I really like what you have said here. You are right, and I agree wholeheartedly. I have been praying about this for a while now, and I have had it cleared up in my mind, that I will not share the specifics of my past unless someone else will benefit from what I went through. It is just too emotional for me to talk about, and yet, I can still share enough to show how God has changed my life and my soul. Praise be to God! Thanks for your comments!! |
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