Towards a Biblical Sexuality

            It seems as if everyday on the news, blogs or other media, marriage is under attack. Marriage is under attack by feminists who want to make men women, and have  women dominate marriage. The Bible is very clear regarding how marriage began, why it is important and how marriage is to be lived out.

How Marriage Began

            Genesis 2:18-25 describes how God provides a suitable companion for man. The Lord saw that it is not good that man should be alone and went about to give a solution to remedy this problem. First the Lord gave him responsibility to name livestock, birds and beasts of the field. None of these proved to be fit for Adam. Helper comes from the Hebrew ‘ezer and is one who supplies strength in the area that is “lacking in “the helped.” The term does not imply that the helper is either stronger or weaker than the one helped. “Fit for him” or “matching him” is not the same as “like him”: a wife is not her husband’s clone but complements him. By naming the animals Adam demonstrates his authority over all other creatures.

         
   When no suitable companion is found among all the living beings God fashions a woman from man’s rib. The text highlights the sense of oneness that exists between the man and the woman. Adam joyfully proclaims, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” This terminology is used elsewhere of blood sacrifices (29:14). The story of Eve’s creation both makes the point that marriage creates the closest of all human relationships. It is also important to observe that God creates only one Eve for Adam, not several Eves or another Adam. Heterosexual monogamy is the divine pattern for marriage that God established at creation. Moreover, the kinship between husband and wife creates obligations override even duty to one’s parents (therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to wife, Genesis 2:24). In ancient Israel, sons did not move away when they married but live near their parents and inherited their father’s land. They “left” their parents in the sense of putting their wife’s welfare before that of their parents. The term “hold fast” is used elsewhere for practicing covenant faithfulness (Deut 10:20; 1st Cor. 6:16-17); thus, other Bible texts can call marriage a covenant (Prov. 2:17; Mal 2:14).

Paul’s teaching on marriage in Ephesians 5:25-32 is founded on this text. The sense of being made for each other is further reflected in a wordplay involving the terms “man” and “woman” , in Hebrew these are, respectively, ‘ish and “ishshah. As a result of this special affiliation, Genesis 2:24 observes that when a man leaves his parents and takes a wife, they shall become one flesh, one unit (a union of man and woman, consummated in sexual intercourse). Jesus appeals to this verse and 1:27 In setting out his view of marriage (Matthew 19:4-5). The final description of vv.18-25 offers a picture of innocent delight and anticipates further developments in the story. The subject of the couple’s nakedness is picked up in Genesis 3:7-11, and a play on the similar sounds of the words “naked” (Hebrew. ‘arummin) and “crafty” (3:1) links the end of this episode with the start.

Why marriage is important

Ephesians 5:22-33 teaches a great deal about how to have a successful marriage. The first example is of general submission (v.21) is illustrated as Paul exhorts wives to submits to their husbands (vv.22-24, 33). Husbands on the other hand, are not told to submit to their wives but to love them (vv.25-33). Paul’s first example of general submission from v.21 is the right ordering of the marriage relationship (Col 3:18; 1st Peter 3:1-7). The submission of wives is not like the obedience children owe parents, nor does this text command all women to submit to all men (to your own husbands, not to all husbands!). Both genders are equally created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-28) and heirs together of eternal life (Galatians 3:28-29). This submission is in deference to the ultimate leadership of the husband for the health and harmonious working of the marriage relationship. The ground of the wife’s submission to her is the husband is the head of wife, and is modeled on Christ’s headship over the Church. Just as Christ’s position as head of the church and its Savior does not vary from one culture to another, neither does the headship of a husband in relation to his wife and her duty to submit to her husband in everything. ”Head” (Greek. Kephale) here clearly refers to a husband’s authority over his wife and cannot mean “source”. There is no sense in which husbands are the source of their wives either physically or spiritually.

          
  Paul now turns to the duty of husbands. He does not command the husband to submit to his wife but instead tells the husband that he must give himself up for her. Husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Christ, who “gave himself up for” the church in loving self-sacrifice. The biblical picture of a husband laying down his life for his wife is directly opposed to any kind of male tyranny or oppression. The husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joyful service to the Lord. Notably Paul devotes three times more space to the husband’s duty (nine verses) than the wife’s (three verses).

      
      The focus in Ephesians 5:26-27 is on Christ, for the husbands do not sanctify their wives or wash them of their sins, though they are to do all in their power to promote their wives’ holiness. Sanctify means to consecrate into the Lord’s service through cleansing. Washing of the water may be a reference to baptism, since it is common in the Bible to speak of invisible spiritual things (spiritual cleansing) by pointing to an outward physical sign of them (Romans 6:3-4; John 415). There may also be a link here to Ezek 16:1-13, where the Lord washes infant Israel, raises here, and eventually elevates her to royalty and marries her, which would correspond to presenting the church to himself in splendor at his marriage supper (Ezek. 36:25; Rev. 19:7-9; 21:2, 9-11). The Church’s utter holiness and moral perfection will be consummated in resurrection glory but is derived from the consecrating sacrifice of Christ on the Cross.

           
Paul in Ephesians 5:28-30 reiterates a husband’s calling to self-sacrificial love for his wife by comparing this love to regard for one’s own body (their own bodies), himself and his own flesh (vv.28-29; v.33) and then to Christ’s love for his body. As vv.29-30 make explicitly, the “body” for which Christ sacrificed himself was not his own person but the “body which is the church. The command for a husband to love his wife as he loved “his own flesh” (v.s29) originates in the creation reality that God joins husbands and wives together to “become one flesh.” Paul’s quotation is from Genesis 2:24, speaking of marriage before there was any sin in the world (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8; 1 Corinthians 6:16).

           
By mystery Paul means the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus thus his quotation about marriage from Genesis 2 (in Ephesians 5:31) ties in to the relationship between Christ and his Church. Paul’s meaning is profound: he interprets the original creation of the husband-and-wife union as itself modeled on Christ’s forthcoming union with the church as his “body” (v.23). Therefore, marriage from the beginning of Creation (Genesis 1) was created by God to be a reflection of an patterned after Christ’s relation to the church. Paul’s command regarding the roles of husband and wives do not merely reflect the culture of his day but present God’s ideal for all marriage at al times, as exemplified between the bride of Christ (the church) and Christ himself, the Son of God.

How should marriage be lived out

            Marriage is a divine institution between one man and one woman. Marriage is under attack by a culture that is trying to do away with Judeo-Christian philosophy. The fact is that marriage between one man and one woman is vital to the health of civilization. When marriage is defined as something other than one man and one woman it leads to alls of moral failure in the culture which is what America and the world is experiencing. This isn’t to say that the Church has necessarily done a good job on teaching on marriage, but the quality of teaching has improved in recent years especially in the area of biblical gender roles. How should marriage be lived out?

      
      In order to ensure the health of marriages everywhere, I want to give some counsel to married couples and by extension to single men about the kind of wife they should look for, and young ladies what kind of man you should be looking for. First, men you need to love Jesus supremely. If you are not first loving him then you are committing idolatry. Wives love Jesus first and your husbands second otherwise you are committing idolatry. Secondly, men love your wives, and women show respect to your husband. Thirdly have open lines of communication as this is vital to the success of any relationship. If the lines of communication aren’t open; men your wife will feel that she isn’t loved. Women don’t dominate the conversation but let the man interact with what you said. Men when your wife is done talking clarify any points where you don’t understand and then respond to her. Men you need to understand that women care more about the small things than the big things. Fourth, men lead your families towards Jesus. Pray with your wife and Pastor your family.

Fifth, men, the health and happiness of your home depend on you being a man of God. Finally women, men want to know they have value in the sight of their wives. You can show them this through practical actions. These practical actions towards your husband are different for each guy which is why you need to open the lines of communication. When either one of you hurt each other forgive quickly as Jesus instructs (Matthew 6:12-14), and work out any arguments you may have. Do not let your arguments go on and on; it does no good. Men, Listen to your wife if she is angry; ask her why. Again being practical with your wife is important because that is how she is shown love.

           
Sixth, men, realize that your wives need relationships with other godly women who will help them to grow. Men, you need a group of seasoned godly men to hold you accountability for your walk with God and your family. Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Most men learn through example. Men need other godly men to look to be able to discuss issues in their marriages, careers, and the list goes on. Older women are told to teach younger women (Titus 2:4).

Finally, all of this highlights the need for husband and wife to be in a Church where the Scriptures are taught, Jesus is glorified, souls are saved, and people’s lives model the grace of God to one another. 1st Peter 5:5b says, “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." In the midst of this context, Peter has counseled Pastors/Elders to be examples to the flock. Now he speaks to every member of the Church when he says, “all of you” a  reference that he has moved from speaking to Pastors to every congregation. Every person in the congregation is to “clothe themselves”, with the “grace of God” through which they will be able to show “humility toward one another”. Peter is saying as people inside the Church show genuine love, concern and care for God they will be living out the Great commandment to love Him and their neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39). It is impossible for someone who is interested in one’s own viewpoint to be concerned about someone else. It is impossible for someone to care about another’s needs in the Church when they are focused on their own problems. Peter’s call to humility is based squarely on loving God first and loving one’s neighbors. Peter’s words on anxiety are set in the framework of living humble lives in light of the grace of God.

        
    Every relationship at some point reaches stress points. During such times it is absolutely essential to have built a solid foundation. A contractor builds a solid foundation for the home so that it will last. Married couples are to build solid foundations based upon the person and work of Jesus Christ. An orchestra practices for many hours in order to reach perfection during their performance. A marriage takes time to build a godly foundation in which the couple (man and wife) can put into practice what the Word says in marriage.

Conclusion

            How does the Gospel relate to marriage?  Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 5:23 that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. Men, you are to lead your wives in a godly way. Men, this means there is no grounds for you to abuse, manipulate, control or “stiff-arm” your wife. Paul grounds the man’s leadership in the home on the example of Christ’s sacrifice which means a man needs to rely on Jesus more than he does on anyone else. Men, how are quiet times of prayer with Jesus? Do you spend quality time in prayer with Jesus? Do you spend quality time with Jesus in His Word? In order to lead effectively your knee must be bowed and your lips must sing the praises of Jesus who called you to be an example to your family. Without relying on God’s grace; you will fall flat on your face. When you rely on His grace you will soar and be a man of God.

         
   Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 5:28 about the purpose of the man’s leadership. The man’s leadership should show great care and compassion towards his wife as he would toward himself. In other words a man who loves himself more than he loves his wife is half a man. A real man loves his wife wholeheartedly and gives his heart to his wife. A real man does not cheat his wife through having a half hearted affair with porn; while out of the other end of his mouth saying, “I love you sweetie”. A real man according to Ephesians 5:28, “loves their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” The text is clear that self love is forbidden by the Apostle Paul, and by extension Jesus. Any man who gives half of his heart to his wife is committing adultery with his wife. Paul in Ephesians 5:29 makes it clear that the man is to show caring loving leadership to his wife and by doing so he will be a man of God.

Paul ends this section on marriage with practical advice to men and women. This advice is profound, and is something every couple should discuss. Paul says speaking to men that you are to love your wife as himself. The language used here is of command. The man is commanded to love his wife as Christ has loved the Church. The man is to be a model of Christ like love, care and concern to his wife. This kind of man will not be abusive (in any of its many forms), manipulative, or controlling. The man of God Paul describes here is a man who practically shows his wife that he cares about her. Men, every woman has different ways that show her how much you love her. This is why you need to ask her, “How do you give and receive love?” Learn how she receives love. Learn the things that show her love. Men, as you do this the love your wife has for you will increase and your relationship will grow in God’s grace. Women, if your man comes to you and asks you, “How do you give and receive love?” be open, honest and real with him. This is a tough question for men to ask in the first place so do not get defensive! We are asking because we care about you and want to find practical ways to love you.

Paul ends this section in Ephesians 5:33 saying, “And let the wife she that she respects her husband.” This is a tough pill for many women to swallow. As a result of the feminists many women are greatly confused about the role of submission and how to even show respect to a man. Many women balk at the notion of respect so let’s clarify the meaning of this here. The whole of what Paul has said is said with the backdrop of the creation of the institution of marriage which is based on the created order. Paul’s declarations in Ephesians 5:22-33 are set within the framework of Creation. The wife is to respect her husband because he is made in the image and likeness of God. Man is to love his wife because Eve was formed from Adam’s rib. God designed women to be loved and men to be respected. There is a longing within every man to be respected by his wife. Respect to men looks different among every man. As a man, I will say that when women disrespect a man it usually involves the use of cutting words which strike at a man’s nature. Whether for right or wrong when either man or women strike at each other’s innate need (women to be loved, and men to be respected) the natural reaction will likely not be pretty (arguing, foul language, etc). The key to a godly marriage is not to avoid arguing but to argue well. Arguing well means setting ground rules for an argument that includes no foul language or cutting words.

The Gospel relates to the issue of marriage because God created marriage between one man, and one woman. The Gospel is lived out in the community of husband and wife which forms the basis for a family. Marriage is further lived out in the community of the local Church where husband and wife can learn more about Jesus and the work of His Word individually and corporately. It is in the family where the Gospel is first to be expressed. Paul makes it clear that a man of character will have his home in order (1st Timothy 3:1-5), which means men should be leading their homes before they ever lead in the Church. Husband and wife are to grow in the Gospel by repenting of sin when they sin against each other, asking for forgiveness, and being reconciled to each other. Ultimately the Gospel relates to marriage because it one of the places where God has instituted that His grace be shown.

Marriage is a divine institution God has ordained. The only way for a move towards biblical sexuality to occur is when husbands love their wives and wives show respect to their husbands. This teaching is not popular inside the Church, or outside the Church, but it is what God has said, so it is how believers must live out their marriages by God’s grace. The move towards biblical sexuality for many will be painful as they will have to leave sinful relationships in order to repent of sin, and live for God’s glory. The move towards a biblical sexuality though will ensure the health of marriages in Christ’s Church. God’s Word is crystal clear as we have seen today that the institution of marriage is between one man and one woman, not anything else. Having shown how marriage began, why it is important and how marriage is to be lived out- men, love your wives, and women show respect to your husbands so the Gospel may go forward with great speed to the glory of God, and the advancement of the Kingdom of God.

In Christ Alone,

Pastor Dave

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