| I Failed the Test |
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You know.... I wonder when I will *ever* learn!! Yesterday was a good day -- things were going well. However, when I had my Bible time, I kept coming across all these verses on anger. I kept saying "Oh, this is nice, but I'm not angry." I searched my heart and honestly believed that at the time, I was not angry about anything.
Then came today. It wasn't like last Friday when I was in a bad mood for no good reason. Today, I had a very good reason for being angry -- absolutely furious is more like it. We're talking about the kind of anger when even your insides are clenched -- you can barely see straight -- *that* kind of angry.
In the early afternoon, it hit me though -- yesterday was a pre-test -- God gave me all those verses on anger -- to learn - to write on my heart -- to put into use today for the real test.
But.... being the stubborn person that I am, I didn't put those verses into practice. I was still angry --absolutely furious.
I talked to a friend of mine, and I told her how I was angry and how I had read all those verses yesterday when I wasn't angry - but now today I am angry. She quoted Ephesians 4:26 to me:
4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Half joking, but half serious, I said, "Well good - that means I still have a few more hours to be angry - the sun won't set for another two hours!".
Now, in addition to this one issue that was making me angry, I had been annoyed all day by my cable internet being out. I should have been thankful that although the cable was out, God allowed it to be on a day when I am off. I work from home, and internet is my life-line. When the cable goes down, I have to go to the hospital to work. I do *not* like the idea of having to put on my green scrubs and work at the hospital until 10:30 at night. I had called Mediacom several times, but had not gotten a straight answer about when it would be back.
Finally by evening, I needed to know if it was coming back at all - it had been out for 10 hours - and if they didn't know when it would be back, I would need to make arrangements to work at the hospital tomorrow.
While still angry about this other issue, I called Mediacom. I was put on hold for 17 minutes before getting to a live person. The anger was festering - boiling over is more like it. When the poor guy finally answered I begin to rant and rave about their service - calling the tech guys that came out last week when I had problems, "Larry, Moe and Curly".
Even though the cable being out was not the root of my anger, it had spread there -- like an aggressive cancer. I was chewing this poor customer service representative out.
He let me rant and rave and then said very calmly, "Uh mam.... I show that your internet is working just fine. Would you please check it again." To my horror all the right lights were blinking on the modem and my internet was back. I was so ashamed of myself. I apologized to the guy, but felt just horrible.
So, I failed this test. God gave me the answers ahead of time (yesterday) by reminding me of all those verses on anger. He even had a friend remind me of one of them -- and I still failed.
I know God is forgiving and God is gracious -- and I am sure I will be put to this test again -- probably sooner than later -- and hopefully the next time I will pass.
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