I got a couple of private messages about me and my new lady-friend. Instead of typing this several times, I’ll fill everybody in…

Well, me and Tamara didn’t last too long; only three or four dates. She said I had some real issues to work out. I think hers and my style of living was a little too different for her liking. She likes to take her kid to the park, I let mine swim in the drainage ditch. You know, stuff like that…

Our first argument involved whether or not the dog should eat from the table; regardless of how good his manners are. Then she had a problem with me cleaning my ears in public. She said that if I must clean my ears that I should be polite enough to use my own set of car keys and not hers. Don’t even get me started about going to the movies. Turns out, shoes are a requirement for her and the theater manager if I was to enter. No wonder I never go to the movies.

Well if you ask me, she needed to work on some stuff too. I mean, going fishing is a perfectly legit date in my book. And yes, I do expect you to bait your own hook, thank you. She didn’t even appreciate the chrome footprint gas pedal that I installed in her Honda Civic for her birthday, imagine that!

Our last real “date” was at a funeral for her co-worker’s papa. During the procession I ran out of gas because I kept spinning tires and “horsing around” as she called it. But I think the last straw was when I sent her out with the gas can and asked her to bring me back a Dr Pepper too. I aint seen her since.

Now I aint the smartest feller in the park… I mean fifth grade was the best four years of my life… But I am smart enough to realize that it’s over between me and Tamara.

So look out ladies… Rich is back on the market (clearance sale, half off).