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| I screwed up big time and I am a sinner |
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5:16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
You all are probably expecting a "funny" from me based on the title but I am dead serious this time.
If there was ever a day that I wish that I could repeat, it would be last Saturday, August 18, 2007. I screwed up big time, ruined my daughter's surprise 30th birthday party (not the surprise part but caused people to leave because of my behavior), humiliated myself in front of her friends and totally embarrassed my own family.
The "instant replay" of that afternoon has replayed in my head a million times. I've tried to rationalize my actions, justify my actions, blame my actions on some outside influence, etc. But when it comes down to the bottom line where the buck stops, it's only me that the finger is pointing to.
I sinned. I cursed. I screamed. I stretched the truth. I was way out-of-line. I blew it big time.
The bottom line? Everybody was trying to help me and it was me that came unglued and attacked everybody else. How ironic can that be?
Soooo... Please keep me and everyone that was present at my daughter's party in your prayers. Pray for healing. Pray for forgiveness. I've shed a million tears, written a million words and finally, I decided just to post this simple cry for help, understanding, compassion and your prayers. It will be hard for me to even look at my daughter's friends again. How could her stepfather (me) have acted so poorly and yet claim to be a Christian; much less a minister on top of that? She has unsaved friends. Poor witness for Christ, I was. I even verbally attacked my mother-in-law and may have forever ruined our relationship.
And my wife; she has been in tears and at her wits' end because of this. If I could rewind just a minute or two of that day, the day would have been perfect. My wife seems to always be in the middle; torn between protecting and caring for me yet having to face her family and friends when I act like an a**h***. God, please protect her. I need my wife.
God, please help me. I was wrong. Just me. I'm sorry. Very, very sorry. I take full responsibility. Please don't let anything like this ever happen again. I see the error that I made and am trying desperately to know my shortcomings and control my anger. My anger needs to be focused at the deceiver and my energy focused on spreading the Good News. Redeem me with Your Son's precious blood as no other ever could. Give me wisdom, grant me strength, show me restraint like I have never known before.
Each day is harder not only for me but every one around me.
Your Will Be Done. In Jesus' Name I Pray.
I love you all.
Dave |
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| Please check your messages. I'll be praying too! |
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Bunny |
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August 21, 2007 at 2:09pm |
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| Dave, you and your family are in my prayers. |
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ali |
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August 21, 2007 at 2:17pm |
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| praying bro. Jesus loves you! His Mercy endures forever! |
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Brother, it happens. Clay jars fall over, or split wide open. The treasure isn't the jar. The treasure is the Spirit of grace within the jar. You're learning more about grace right now than you'd have learned any other way. You've embraced the shame, and grasped hold of repentance. Now let your Lord lift you up and trust Him to restore the pieces and the hearts. Praying, David - fellow sinner |
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Deb |
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August 21, 2007 at 2:41pm |
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| Praying for you Dave. We have all done something, said something, we wish we could take back. We have perfect vision after an event unfolds. Unfortunately, we are blind when the thing is happening. Like Davethepastor said, trust God to restore the pieces and the hearts. |
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Greetings Brother Dave,
The words I'm sorry are one of the hardest words to say, yet, they are the most powerful words that one can offer. Dave an honest apology can mend any relationship, mend a broken hearts and even shatter the anger that they may have against you.
As ministers we do tend to be in a spotlight or live in a glass house for everyone to see in. Ruth said something so beautiful to Naomi, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.
I know you feel awful about what has happened! My only sugestion is that you will gather the same people that you love so dear and near and offer an apology to each and everyone. As for those that do not know Christ, tell them not to judge Christ for your actions! Ask God to shatter that deep anger that is rooted inside of you and restore you! That people will know you not as a man of anger but as a man who is deep rooted in love.
We love you Dave! |
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Everyone sins, no one is blameless. The difference in following Christ is that we can confess and ask for forgiveness both from our Father and from the ones we've hurt. You've done just that Dave.. all the meanwhile encouraging us to do the same. My prayers are with you and your family.. may His forgiveness shine through each one. |
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Last February was my step daughter b-day. She always complains that her b-day is horrible, & something bad always happens. I told her we had to refuse to believe that & believe that it was going to be the best b-day ever this year.
Well, my step son started a fight with me & cussed me out. I wasn't able to walk away, but found my self in the same ungodly tone of voice as he was. I should have walked away, but I didn't I had had enough of him. How easily I lunged into stife with him & didn't care about her b-day any longer gets me. But, I totally ruined her special day.
I minister in music at my church, & often feel like my shortcomings disqualify me from leadership rolls. The truth is, we have not qualified ourselves, but Christ has qualified us, if we are obedient to confess our sins & repent, then we should step right back up to the plate & keep on keeping on.
Thanks for your example of humilty to us the brethren. |
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GERVIS |
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August 21, 2007 at 4:56pm |
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Amen to all the comments!We all say things we shouldn't say,but God forgives us all of our sins.All means all!So get up and keep on keeping on.
Gervis |
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| Can't add anything that hasn't already been said...except, keeping you and your family in my prayers. |
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| I'm praying for you and your family Dave. Just a note: I think you are a good man. The fact you are concerned about your behavior is proof of that. |
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Thanks everyone for supporting me in prayer. Pastor Mary mentioned the "glass house" aspect for ministers and Carebear mentioned "encouraging us to do the same" with respect to asking for forgiveness from our Father and those we've hurt.
I learn more about His agape love and His forgiveness every day through the writings of everyone here at MyChurch. If there ever was a heaven on Earth and we could nominate a community to be it; http://MyChurch.org would receive my vote.
In what I call my "final chapter" of life, I intentionally try to be an "open book" for all to read. Many that are disabled keep their thoughts, trials, triumphs and agony bottled up. Others are still in the workforce and cannot speak freely. There are those in wheelchairs that are pretty much alone inside their home and the Internet is their connection to the outside world. I can relate to that.
I am trying to chronicle my journey in various blogs and websites on the Internet. My two primary outlets are http://mychurch.org/datm and http://datm.org for my scribbles. Knowing that things published on the Internet tend to linger forever, perhaps long after I am gone, my grandchildren, most who are too young to even know what the Internet is, might stumble across a blog of mine and say "that was my grandfather." Things we write today in blogs were not available to our grandfathers. This is uncharted territory for many of us. Sort of an autobiography without any structure. LOL
Again, thanks for your prayers. As Dave the pastor illustrated, the jar that shattered into a zillion pieces will be put back together better than new. There is only one Potter that could ever do that and I'm glad He is my heavenly father. Isn't He an awesome God that we serve?
God bless you all! Dave |
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Kathy |
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August 21, 2007 at 7:47pm |
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Amazing grace . . .
A hug to you, Dave, and a prayer for all your family! |
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3:12 Not that I have already obtained, or am already made perfect: but I press on, if so be that I may lay hold on that for which also I was laid hold on by Christ Jesus. 3:13 Brethren, I could not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing `I do', forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, 3:14 I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Try to put it behind you and move forward |
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Speaking as a master at making mistakes, (just ask my ex - in - laws) Saying I'm sorry isn't nearly as effective as owning my shortcomings, admiting them to God Myself and another human being, Being willing to let go of the character defects, humbly asking God to remove my shortcomings, then looking the person I've wronged in the face and admitting I was wrong and being willing to do what I can to repair the damage. I.E. if I've cursed someone, I should be willing to bless them. Oh yeah did I mention the pray like a banji thingy? I'll be prayin for ya buddy.
Layman Dave |
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Remember this simple fact: the unsaved JUMP into sin, whereas the saved FALL into sin. We're human, we still sin...it's just how it happens that separates us. You obviously are in a state of sorrow and repentance. God has already forgiven you - it's people that take longer sometimes. Take comfort in the fact that God has heard your prayers, our prayers for you, and let that strengthen you as you deal with the worldly fallout from these last few days.
God bless you and our prayers are with you. God is ALWAYS with you.
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"the unsaved JUMP into sin, whereas the saved FALL into sin"
Interesting comment Growing, I'll have to remember that one. |
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| i just seen this Dave. You are a good person, I know that for sure because of the way you helped me the past few days. I'll be praying for you. God can't resist a broken and contrite heart. He will work all this out. |
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You all are awesome. Thank all of you!
This blog has revealed things to me that I once took for granted.
God knows what my "moment" in laspe of good judgement has done to me and nobody died. I could not even begin to imagine what it must me like to cause the death of a human being in a moment of similar laspe in good judgement. But my understanding of what grace and mercy are all about has been taken to another level.
For those that have done unimaginable and horrible things resulting in a loss of life, I have caught a glimpse of just how much our God loves you. Our God is an awesome God! TYJ! |
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I can't take credit - I heard Ray Comfort say it :) Falling vs. Diving When someone says they have fallen into a serious sin like having an affair (adultery), they didn’t just fall, they dove. They continually worked and nursed their sin until it became fully grown. Think about it. If you commit sexual sin (any sex outside of marriage), you have made dozens of intentional, wrong decisions to get you there. The first phone call. The lustful imaginations. The choice of how you dress, how you act, and what you say. With each one of these and following choices, you must actively deny your conscience (God’s Law written on your heart), ignore God’s Word, and insist on pursuing what you know is wrong. That is why the Bible says that we will all be “without excuse” on the Day we stand “before the eyes of Him with whom we must give account.” The Bible says, “Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.” (James 1:15) This is why “adulterers…shall [not] inherit the kingdom of God.” The difference between a true believer and a false one is that a true convert falls into sin, while a false one dives. Do you ever plan to sin? Do you ever think of ways to get away with that which you know is wrong in God’s eyes? If so, you should be concerned about the genuineness of your conversion. Yes, the true Christian will occasionally fall into sin, but how pathetic is that fall! For the Christian to dive into sin, is as wicked and disgraceful as a pardoned murderer allowing himself to be enticed back into his life of crime. Christ died for us. The call of the Christian life is to die to ourselves and crucify the flesh with its ungodly desires. Jesus has broken the chains that once bound you to sin, but have you walked right back into your comfortable prison and put them back on because you like the way they make you feel? None of us have an excuse when we willingly give in to our favorite sins. Jesus described the religious hypocrite as a “ dog [that] is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.” So the unregenerate will return to his familiar sins and lie down to enjoy the pleasure of his transgressions. |
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Just like that verse you quoted says: confession is the first step to healing. Of cocourse then comesa whole bunch of pain and brokeness. But the good news is, Jesus meets us in our pain and leads us through and out.
God Bless! |
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| Dave, an oyster can not get rid of an irritant that gets caught in his shell. So what happens? He coats the speck with a secretion that hardens over the irritant to create a beautiful pearl. That, to me, is the process by which God works, I believe that he will take the irritant, be it C.P. or Mito. and if we allow it, by his grace slowly wrapping around it, make it like a pearl of great price... |
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LaSean |
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August 22, 2007 at 10:51pm |
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| I really don't know what to say but I do know that even though the past is irreversible, the future is fully changable....if that made any sense. |
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we miss up but god forgive us i will be praying for you i do not know you im new here |
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Hello, I was touch by your honesty. We all have days we would like to relive even after becoming a Christian. Just remember that with a repentant heart God can and will turn our mistakes into miracles. I will be praying for you and your entire family and for the unsaved friends of your daughter. Have a great day!
Leslie |
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Dearest Dave, I have shed a thousand tears for you. I feel and understand your humility at having shamed the name of our Lord but please understand that this is exactly what Satan wants to do - make you focus on this one mistake and instead of being a learning curve, it robs you of your power, your vision and your life.
I know that God will use this very incident in your and many other people's lives and that you are already forgiven and healed by His infinite mercy and grace.
God bless you as I have already prayed for Him to do.
Love in Christ Jesus
Beverley |
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Thank you, thank you, thank you; everyone! You all have been so kind to me these past few days. Your prayers have been heard by my Father and He has been showing me new things. Thank you all again.
While I would not suggest to anybody that they hang out their dirty laundry for all to see, I have tried to be a tad more open in my blogs as to my life's experiences. Most people could not be quite so publically open because of how some might react in real life. For me, I have no other assignment to complete other than the one that God now has me in. It is a relief to not have the absolute need to keep things private in the ministerial and secular places of employment for fear of not getting a promotion, losing insurance coverage, etc. There are a lot of people I know that have to "hide" their medical conditions; as an example.
What I would suggest, however, if you don't have an accountability and prayer partner in real life that you can confide in as well as seek support from, you might pray that God would lead you to somebody here at http://mychurch.org. I can tell you without any hesitation that this social network and community of believers is one that you can count on.
Keep me in your prayers. God knows I need them.
God bless everyone and may your weekend be awesome!
Dave |
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just remember everyone makes mistakes yes you made a whopper just ask GOD and your family for forgiveness they will understand then move on |
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Hi Dave, I just got done praying for you in Christ's Spirit. It must be challenging and frustrating not being able to do some of the things that your body does not allow. I have prayed that Christ give you peace in your heart and healing for your family. I accidently came accross your blog about your prayer request for forgivness about your daughter's birthday last year when I was typing in "I screwed up - Christian" tonight after praying for forgiveness for myself. I messed up the other day with a personal sin against the Lord and I confessed it, but felt sad that I let Him down. I was encouraged by your straightforward plea and open confession - even though it was a post from more than a year agao - Please know that you are in my prayers as well as your wife, daughter, and her friends and others in your life for complete mending and grace. Now I want to encourage you . . . I have prayed that God would not allow the progression of your disease to take away any more ability from your daily tasks and that He would continue blessing you and give you complete healing and grace. I prayed in the Holy Spirit, that through Jesus's Word , you receive all that you need every day to do all that He has called you to do. Be joyful, my brother, and Christ give you strength every day that you live here on Earth. Blessings, Charlie - Fresno, CA |
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Charlie,
You have no idea how much God is involved here. Perhaps I'll be able to put my thoughts together and say something later. Perhaps Joe or Carebear from here might even be able to put this in perspective.
This event was just the beginning of what I will be facing. It all bubbled to the surface last night; not too many hours before the Holy Spirit led YOU to this blog. One that I had even forgotten about. To say the least - - AWESOME!
Thank you Charlie. May God be with you ever so more more apparent as He has done for me here by working through you. Have I mentioned that this is awesome?
God bless you, Charlie!
Dave |
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| The Holy Spirit is truly at work .. words can't express how in awe I am! Blessings to you both.. |
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wow, sounds like something is going on here.... to say I'm "curious" would be an understatement.... :-) |
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Charlie,
The Holy Spirit just reminded me of another one of my blogs titled His Mysterious Ways - Doves that I think you would enjoy reading.
God bless you!
Dave |
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