So I saw Mike's post in What's Fresh and thought, how did he know what I was going to write on? Turns out it wasn't exactly the same thing.

There's a line from L.A. Story that sums up the times where I actually struggle

Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

For a long time that struck me as amusing because obviously it was absurd. How could someone by happy all the time, yet deeply unhappy?

The last couple of months have floated by, and under the covers I knew something was a bit off. I was easing into the role of "coasting". Everything was going fairly well, but the bumps in the road were minor. And my reliance on myself increased.

This past weekend, the bump in the road turned into a ditch, as things went wrong right and left. But it also helped point out where the focus should be. Not overnight, but as one thing piled on top of another, it reached a point where there was nothing else to do but pray. (That really sounds "cheap" when it's put that way, but I don't know how else to say it)

Things have gotten better. I've been able to refocus, but now I'm praying that He helps me to avoid the same traps of contentment (I'm happy all the time) I've fallen into so many times before and praise Him for all of the wonderful things I've been given.

A couple of other random thoughts :

The thing that strikes me though is that at times I wonder if I revel in being discontent (in other words I hope for bad things to happen to me) because those are the moments that bring me closest to God. That really doesn't seem healthy.

There's also a side that wonders if I really enjoy those moments because there's a facade being put on that shows that even when bad things happen, my reliance is on God (and aren't I holy!).